It sucks to be a virgin at 31, especially in a society which is obsessed with sex

I recommend the book "Female choice" by Meike Stoverock.
We are developing to a harem society, where some men gets all the women and the rest of the men are losing.
This is the natural state. In the past women where forced to come together with men, which they are not attracted to cause of social status, money, and so on...

Today women are free cause of feminism and earning own money, the can choose the men they are attracted to. Im asking myself if this is maybe something good. Because it forces men to compete with other men and to work on themselves.

But i personally thing this development in the long run is negative for the women. I see a lot of single mother, women 40+ etc who are singles and strugles to find men. The become really desperate.
No one is going to build up a serious relationship with them. Ofc these women find men for dates, but they are only looking for sex. If it becomes to uncomfortable for these men they leave.
Also the beta men in this time are starting to realise the game and prefer to stay alone then to be the backup.

 

perfectly said. I’m choosing to leave the dating market as well. I’m not going to sit there and marry a woman that was passed around when she was in her twenties and only wants me because she’s going old and desperate.

 

Problem is how you want to fulfill your desire for companionship?
Maybe saving money and get a young women from east europe or south-east asia? I know some men who did this and have a good marriage.
If the game is against you, you have to modify the rules.

 

Bro you are a legend.

Seriously I’m going to do this.

I’m not playing by western women’s rules anymore.

You don’t want me? Fine, I’ll just go to a different country and find a younger and more beautiful girl than you who’s actually a virgin.

Let’s do it.

 

Vietnam is the place to go

 

they way they are dressed doesn't look like they will be virgin lol

 

I don't mind mid-30s virginity per se, but I'm still careful not to tell people because they will treat you like shit if they know.

 

Never tell anyone that your a virgin. Always lie about this to protect yourself if someone asks. I got bullied when I went to college for being inexperienced at sex. One of my classmates asked if I was a virgin and I got made fun of and laughed at.

 

I know men who still yet to have sex by their late 40s

I think it's sad and pathetic for those, particularly men to think losing their virginity at such young age is like one of their biggest life pursuit, I know some men who still are in their 20s because having sex before marriage isn't in their life pursuit but would choose to put first developing their skills and studying

 

I don’t know how the societal gender double standard was created or why it exists. But basically, men are seen as players if they can get a girl or multiple girls to sleep with; whereas women are seen as whores if they sleep with multiple men.

I could be wrong, but I think that’s the reason why their is a lot of sex/porn addiction and virgin shaming among men.

 

Honestly this is my goal right here, I also just want to stay pure for the time I find a woman who is willing to add more to my life as opposed to just having a string of one night stand and stuff like that. Because I realized that I honestly do not need a woman to be the source of my happiness.

 

Why do you have to fix your SAD in order to date, and do you even know how to fix it? I would be careful of the "when this changes, then I'll date" mentality in your case, because that means you'll probably never do it.

I am not in exactly the same situation as you, but we probably have a lot of overlap. I am actually pretty good looking and so I get a level of attention from that I get the feeling most guys don't, but I have always had extremely big issues surrounding intimacy and sex and I believe my subconscious saw girls as a legit danger. This is probably due to my relationship with my unstable mom growing up. I have had sex with a couple girls and that is it. I could have been with a lot though. Anyway you are right... they flock to me a certain amount based on looks, but run away once they realize I have issues.

If you can't beat them, join them is the mentality I have started to develop when it comes to the current state of the sexual marketplace. Even though I don't feel cut out for it completely, I will try just being a player I think as that is what they want.

 

look man, you know what? you're right. but so what? is that going to help you find a woman? is that going to fix your issues? what have you actually done to meet women? how did you improve your methods if they were unsuccessful? have you gone to therapy? talked with people with experience? what have you done man???? other than post on nofap? Well I can tell you what I've done of the above. Nothing. And I'm 27 year old virgin. Now, society? my parents? me? Yes all take part in me being unsuccessful. However I don't lie to myself and take full ownership. No one can fix this but me. No one. I could have written this thread. But I didn't since I'm years here and still addicted to porn. What I've found is writing on forums does not help you truly. It only helps pass the time. If you really want to help yourself, limit your online presence consuming bullshit on the internet and go do activities involving sport and mental improvement. Then go meet women. And who knows you might meet a woman one day and get it off. That's what I'm doing, doesn't mean it's the best approach. Just my unbiased opinion.

P.S. Never tell anyone who is not close to you that you are a virgin. You gonna get fucked in a bad non-sexual way.

 

It's pointless to obsess over being a virgin or staying a virgin, unless you consciously acknowledge that you don't have any desire for a sexual/loving partner.

 

As a man from the east I dont know what the problem with being a virgin. You should be proud of it
If the people in your society cant respect you for your purity than its the society that is wrong.
And you have values you are a good person atleast you did not try to lose it to a prostitute and the people that you call alpha most of them have had it with prostitutes and they dont have any problem with it and they are not alphas they are just idiots with no morality so if a woman wants a guy like that let them do it.
And you are pure that is what matters. A person who is a "non criminal" just because he didnt get the chance to commit crime is not a bad person yet. He is not guilty of a crime yet that is what matters. By chance or by choice.
And where I live if you put the name in the google you would find a dirty town with maybe lots of news from the past related to terrorist activities and Islamic extremism.
But let me tell you something, here a man is valued so much if he has a good character and is studying and has average family background, not so rich not so poor. But if he is a good person character wise and people in the town know it, they will offer their daughters on a silver plate. The men and the women, they wont tell it to your face to marry their daughter but the way they treat you so better and different from the rest of the boys is so evident and they even tell it to your mother (here we have ways of letting a family know that we are interested in the boy)
How do I know all this?? Because I am a virgin who didnt even look at a girl in the town and I am studying and mY mother loves me so much because I am her only son and when I was a kid I always felt beta but now everyone wants me, the girls , their parents. They want me to marry their daughter. My uncle offered his 9/10 daughter to me. The friends of my sisters were all ready for me, my aunts literally begged my mother to get me to marry their daughter and their daughters are like models.
And now I got engaged to a girl who is 9/10 and her father rejected all the proposals and was not ready to give her hand to anyone but when I sent it and he investigated about me in the town he immediately said yes and now I am engaged and my fiance loves me so much because she literally texts me everyday and tells me that she is crazy for me and it is against the norms because we have not had our wedding ceremony so she talks to me without her fathers knowledge.

So brother. It is your society that is in the downfall.
Majority of the undeveloped world still has sane practices.
You can search my town by googling
"Charsadda,.KPK , Pakistan"

 

First of all, you're roughly right about how society works. Now accept it and learn to like it. Don't dislike the society, don't dislike the game or the players, don't dislike anything. For your own sanity and happiness, accept the world for what it is. Only then will you love life.
Yes some parts of the society is over sexualised.. So what?? In fact nofap.com is one of the most sexualised place on earth, everybody here talks about sex constantly. Is it a bad thing??
It's hard but I just hope you don't fall into the trap of becoming resentful, as there are MANY resentful people in nofap. You will do well to recognise that the end goal is to be able to love life and beware not to sink further in the hole of incel, blackpills, religious fanatics etc..
Yea don't be jealous of religious people, in fact don't listen to any religious nuts who tell you to value your chastity. They are the crabs in the bucket, they don't get laid therefore they don't want you to get laid. If you're unhappy about your situation then work to change it. Don't brainwash yourself into thinking it's ok, even it's good to be chaste. It's not.
I'd argue that the only way, the one unique way to get out of your situation is to start cold approaching, this is the most important part. The second is to work extremely hard on your sexual market value: find a purpose, nofap, gym, reading, practising social value...
Cold approaching is crucial, and it's the only way to see progress in a reasonable time scale. Go to game global and find some wings in your local city, start hanging out with them. Once you are in a group, your mentality changes and it becomes much easier. Be humble and ask a lot of questions, and practise your social skill that way.

 

I wish I was a virgin still. My body count is 2 man and 2 women but there's no like "wow, my mind is better off after that."

 

I recommend you to hire someone (women or man) just to do the ice breaking. I did that when I was 17 . And I realize sex is overated; I mean the sexual action. So what I realize what I mostly need was that intimate healthy relationship.