Worse and worse ( warning explicit topic)

You took a huge step just by being vulnerable online here, and sharing with us your story and what you've gone through. That is no small thing. The fact that you have feelings of sadness and guilt over the past is a good sign. You still have your conscience! Imagine if you did not. Then there would be absolutely 0 chance of changing. But the fact that you do shows that there is hope! I hope you are able to find the help you need, whether it be on this community or in person.

Fill your head with good things. This addiction makes us think there is only one thing that we need, porn/sexual pleasure.
It gives us tunnel vision, so that we block out all other things. You likely already know this.
Part of the journey is broadening our vision to fight this lie. We broaden our vision to include the actual good things that are offered to us in this life. They are out there. The things worth chasing and of true value take effort to seek out.
Porn is the opposite. Easy to get = worthless.

"The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, but connection"
You are demonstrating this by being open on this forum. That is not nothing. You sound like you have really good self awareness too.
God bless you on your journey. He has not given up on you either. If you want to chat about how God sees you, feel free to DM me.
As long as you can breathe , there is hope


p.s. 90 days is awesome!!

 

Congrats on the 90 days!!!

Cmon man stop blaming yourself this much. They uploaded all this crazy shit in the first place. Young people are curious and go on adventures. Everybody did that. Also I really can feel the teenage emotions in your post They are always a bit extreme - which is normal.

The best thing is that you realize all this shit at an age as young as yours. This is absolutely awesome. Porn has as much to do with reality as action movies, horror movies and so on.

 

First of all, congrats for making it upto 90 days. Very few can do this and you are truly a fighter.

Don't think much about your past because you are a new man now, just never look back and keep building good habits. I would like to add that I had indulged myself in the cloth thing you mentioned and you should thank yourself and your circumstances thousand times that you didn't do it.

 

...

well if i start harassing you then i'm the pedophile.

anyhow all you just mentioned is a hard subjects... it seems hard to acknowledge ones sexual curiosity, that exists, i still struggle with that in public.

why did you think you did something you can't be forgiven for?

 

As has 99.9% of 16-year-old boys throughout the history of the universe.

 

congrats for 90 days, you are still in way early stage and relatively easy for you to give up
just 1 advice: time heals everything, keep your streak up and if you have so much time to think about your past then it means you are not keeping yourself busy enough
that is one of the core rule of recovery. do not let your mind wander. keep it busy and your brain will forget all those bad stuff

 

Hey, Jake! This is actually kinda similar to what I was going through until today, when I read the replies of people on my post. I had the same fear of remembering about the things I fapped to, and that they would haunt me in the future. This is a lot like OCD and I recommend you to read some of the replies they gave in my post, at least they really helped me understand how dumb it really is. We're all going to make it! Also, having this self awareness is really awesome! You're on a very good path on improving yourself, just don't demand so much from yourself.

You watched this kind of porn because of the addiction. The addiction makes the frontal lobe (the part of your brain responsible for logic) less active, enabling your brain to the idea of letting yourself watch even more harmful porn. Add to that the hability of your dopaminergic system to get accostumated to the high levels of dopamine you were introduced to and wanting more to actually being able to give your brain pleasure again, and you have the right recipe for a true addiction.

You already got over it. It's all a matter understanding how these things happened and getting the right mindset. Understanding that makes it way easier to know that these things are temporary. Also I recommend you on searching about Stoicism. It's a branch of philosophy of which the main idea consists of caring about only the things you control, in this case your mind, and I truly believe it can be a powerful weapon on this NoFap subject.

I wish you ALL the best, man. You're young, you have a very well developed self awareness already at that age and with that you have everything to keep being the wonderful person you are and only keep growing from that. Don't demand much from yourself, ease your mind, everybody makes mistakes, just keep going and everything will be fine. Search about psychoanalysis, it's great to understand how our brain works with addictions and etc.

 

yeah there's something healthy about that... it's easy to be judgmental about "evil doers" it's something else to think you could be one of them... i was thinking about that in the bus earlier about how lately my sexual frustration... how... i was thinking about how i could be a potential rapist and that scared me.
maybe you're scared too?

...somebody has probably something to answer i don't know how i would answer that to myself. but at least it's good that you took time identify a problem .

 

This is also linked to OCD. OCD makes you focus on one problem and, because you'd hate to be like that, it makes you have more frequent thoughts about it, because you're thinking about it anyway. It's just a loop and it can be stopped by understanding how it all works in our brains, also using ERP techniques helps!

I can't insert links but I'll write down some articles I've read about this that explain how it all works:

How to take the power back from intrusive thought OCD by adaa org

Changing or Delaying OCD rituals by anxietycanada com

And I've found some more specific things about this post's topic as well:

What is Pedophile OCD by verywellmind com

How can OCD make you doubt your reality by psychcentral com

Information about this topic is just never too much I guess hahah

 

ERP?

 

It stands for Exposure and Response Prevention. Below there's an example of ERP found on one of the articles I've mentioned above, more specifically at "Changing or Delaying OCD rituals" by anxietycanada com:

"

• Interacting with your OCD keeps it hanging around. Although it is hard to ignore OCD given its wide and persistent presence in your life, you do not have to interact with it. Interacting with it occurs when you do the rituals it tells you to do, or you avoid the activities and aspects of your life that it insists are dangerous. Stop interacting with OCD and start engaging with the life you want to live.

"

 

I'd say the worst I had developed was Futa Hentai when I was your age when I was 16... I have no idea why or if it was over active hormones seeing womanly parts and getting more aroused. I knew to myself I did not have a clear attraction to the other sex as well. It's weird that you mention that you are on 90 days. In my senior year I recovered greatly and had the time of my life for a few months until my first girlfriend broke up with me. It hurt like the dickens.


I wouldn't feel bad if your on 90 days.. It's in the past brother. I think you are not ocd.. I believe it's just trauma from the damage Porn has done. I myself still wonder why I looked at this crap back in my days, but I was extremely lonely, had little friends, I had about two friends I would hang out with every single weekend and that was it until I started recovering. My social standards were awkward, acne was horrible.

I believe you should listen to healing frequencies and they've helped me allot in the past and in the present. There's one I found on Youtube that is helpful calm and relaxing.




This one is very calming and gentle. I highly suggest for you to take a listen at least 30mn a day.. You can focus on your breath and just let your thoughts go.

 

I think that you need to forgive yourself and move forwards mate. Many of us here started with fairly vanilla porn and escalated to much darker subjects - I did for sure, including some of the stuff you mention. Its the nature of the dopamine response - you need something new and novel just to get the same reaction (excitement) as before, and so have to go looking for new/darker/horrible fetishes just to get off. The porn industry knows this and feeds us with whatever our brains can dream up as the next fetish. Once you understand this you will realize that you can heal and have a 'normal' sexual response to 'normal' sexual stimulation.

I think you need to try to stop labeling yourself. You are young, and have plenty of time to sort this out. Start today, stay away from porn and the fetishes that you list. Work on improving other areas of your life, focus on each day being clean and making little gains across the board, including by not fapping/not fapping to any of the stuff that you mention.

Absolutely - what 16 year old lad hasn't fapped thinking about his teacher/auntie/class mate etc. Nothing wrong here dude.

Be kind to yourself brother, we are all here for similar reasons, and most of us have followed the same/similar stuff you mention down the porn rabbit hole. You aren't different to anyone else here. Being here means that you have realized that you need to stop. So stop, read peoples stories, follow advice, be clean, grow as a person and watch your fetishes fall away. You have the power to change it, so crack on.

Best of luck mate

 

oh and Jack, 90 days, that's awesome, well done.