How do you, personally, deal with urges?

One method is to switch your attention from lustful thoughts to your high ideal. This is not a quick fix, however the more you do this the less power your are giving to the urges.

 

Bro without knowing the consequences of Pmo,
You can't handle triggers

You are not motivated to counter triggers or to quit Pmo .
You better focus on motivating yourself on this site

Just remember the reason why do you want to Quit Pmo
This is the most important thing.
Without this, you will continue to fap.

If you are very clear, that you want to get rid of this habit for this or that reason

Only then ,I can help you out in countering urges.

Hope this helps

 

I just leave the computer and go on a walk. If its raining, I take an umbrella. If it's night, I don't care. Just walk around for an hour until your head is back where it should. Also try to let your thoughts pass and don't analyze them.

 

I try to remember how bad i felt last time i didn't resist urges

 

the secret is dont "deal "with them,as that is giving them entity. acknowledging them,considering them as real and "out there"
Completely ignore them,do a 180* degrees turn! you cant win a frontal battle,use deceit and trickery!

 

GiraffeMan, I think you're asking the right question. Ultimately, if we want to stop the behavior of watching porn, we'll have to learn an effective way to handle that urge.

A major shift happened for me when I learned that the urge is simply a feeling. It's actually a core emotion (sexual desire). What else are core emotions? Anger, sadness, fear.

What do we know about handling those other emotions? How do you handle anger, or sadness, or fear in a healthy, effective way?

Emotion experts will tell you that rather than resisting them, which actually just intensifies them, acknowledge them with curiosity and compassion for yourself ("Hm, I am feeling the strong urge to watch porn right now. Well, that makes sense because...").

Turning towards the feeling, rather than resisting it or trying to ignore it, is one of the most powerful ways to help decrease its potency, and actually leave.

I have used a four-step process (which I am posting about every few days) for the past 2 1/2 years, and it has given me a level of freedom I had never had before that, over 20+ years of addiction.

When I feel that urge to watch porn, I think of the acronym, P.A.T.H. I pause ("P") and take a breath. I acknowledge ("A") the urge ("Hm, I am feeling the strong urge to watch porn right now.) I set a timer ("T") for ten minutes as a defined goal, simply giving permission for the urge to be there and to be felt, without giving into it. And I high five ("H") myself by recording the win somewhere (I have a glass jar and put a marble in the jar each time I go through all four steps). It's a huge win, and it's important to celebrate the win. It's like fuel for the journey.

These are the steps I take whenever I feel that urge.

But again, I admire your courage and intentionality for being on here, and for reaching out for advice and encouragement. Don't give up. Try different things, and keep trying until you find something that resonates with you and works for you.

 

One thing that has worked for me pretty well is that I need to distract myself for about 5-10 minutes and the urge will pass. And preferably when i distract myself it does not involve anything with screens. So I might take a quick walk around the block, or put some laundry in the washer, or clean a little bit of the house, read a book, cut up vegetables for the week. Really it is anything to distract myself from the urge and the urge will pass.

 

Good idea and it’s what I do too. It’s about realising what is going on and getting out of that moment of temptation. Sitting around at home is when people start to consider PMO.

 

The below is a copy paste from a podcaster:


You have three options when you feel an urge:

1. Willpower. “No, no, no. go away” “Muster up all my strength to push this urge away” “I’m going to go on a run to distract myself!”

Willpower is FINITE. We only have a LIMITED AMOUNT of willpower. It doesn’t work long term.

This is like holding a beach ball underwater.

When we hold a beach ball underwater what does it do?

It pops up to the top!

This is what happens when we resist our sexual feelings.


2. Give in. “I know I shouldn’t, but I’m going to”.

When willpower doesn’t work, we typically just give in.

And most people swing back and forth between these two reactions. They use willpower. Get exhausted. And then give in.

This cycle is exhausting.


There is a Third option.

3. Allowing the urge without giving into it.

This is called mindfully managing urges.

Studies show that mindfulness is THE MOST effective way to quit viewing porn, for good.

Learning this will put the control back in your life.

It will get rid of your fear of urges.

It will make your urges EASY to manage while deconditioning your brain out of over-desire for pornography.

 

imjustadude nailed it. Couldn't have said it better. What podcast is that from, if you don't mind sharing?

What you're saying is absolutely true, and was my experience exactly.

When you abandon the "resist it" strategy and adopt the "allow it" strategy, you stop dreading the next urge, and you feel more in control. Confident even, knowing that you have an effective strategy THAT WORKS for the next time the urge floods you.

 

The podcast is Sara Brewer. She has a lot of good content that has helped me. The biggest change with me stopping PM was a different mindset. I would try to use willpower to fight the urge, but would always lose that fight and give in. I now allow the urge to come, process it, and move on. Since doing this I haven’t PM and am on 45 days. I feel like I can do this now.

 

For me it doesn't always work.
You are aware of the urge but calmly decide not to relapse. There must be some kind of motivation. However, if I allow the thought to get to the surface ("I need a release. I deserve it. / I need a break. / Whatever?") then I'm done for. A strong personal reason is good. It must be something just for you, not for somebody else.

 

That's right. You may say to yourself - "I feel an urge but it's OK. I can handle that". I realized that by saying "but it's OK" to many failures and negative thoughts or feelings, I feel much better afterwards.

 

Don80, great suggestions! I do a similar thing, and I agree, it is very helpful.

I will often add, "and that's okay" to a negative thought that I have. Or the phrase, "and that makes sense," which helps me have compassion and curiosity for myself and whatever I'm feeling, rather than condemning it.

 

Бро я справляюсь с побуждениями отвлекаюсь на какое-то занятие например гитара или изучение языков Я думаю это самое там