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3rd attempt

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by pakatan, Sep 28, 2015.

  1. pakatan

    pakatan Fapstronaut

    27
    5
    3
    yesterday I Pmo'd.

    Such a shame.

    i browse the net in between my assignments & arousal hit in. Start from peeking & end up O. Feel so ashamed even to have a look at my avatar in this forum. Never thought that it is gonna be this hard.

    I immediately suffer the after effect :

    1. from waist to feet start to fell strained & tired like running for an hour.
    2. start to forgot stuff. Feels like a fool have to get back home to pick up forgotten things.
    3. image of P appeared during my daily prayer. feel so ashamed to God.
    4. Tiredness struck the whole day.
    5. Depression hit in. feeling slighted with everybody.
    6. A cute girl standing 6 feet away from me while I making a copy. loose my ball to take my chance. Somehow i lost my swing.
    7. Hard to sleep. Try everything but end up staring at clock until 2 am.
    8. Morning wood gone. Woke up & feels like a girl.

    I realize that the devil inside me is no play thing. It drive me crazy for years.

    Seeing folks here hitting 90 days, even 300++ days with proud & respect to themselve really make me feel envy.

    Oh god, babysteps..again.
     
  2. BushidoWarrior

    BushidoWarrior Fapstronaut

    835
    1,817
    123
    I've been there brother. It sucks. Learn from it and grow. That's all you can do. Be determined. Be unstoppable. And never, ever, ever, ever, ever give up.
     
  3. pakatan

    pakatan Fapstronaut

    27
    5
    3
    perhaps everyone need a little push. Thanks mate.

    one thing for sure, for the last few days before i Pmo'd, i could not stop fantasizing my fav P. I went with it & thought that imagining stuff is ok.

    turns out it lead to O after few days.

    I work alone in my house everyday, so you can guess how much pressure I have to sneek a peek.

    My mission for now is clear. STOP FANTASIZING. As soon some boobs flash in, I WILL GO PHYSICAL :

    1. clean house.
    2. take a cold shower. Im gonna put some ice.
    3. strum my guitar like crazy.
    4. take a walk for 10 minutes.
     
    BushidoWarrior likes this.
  4. pakatan

    pakatan Fapstronaut

    27
    5
    3
    Day 1.

    Challenge & Action

    not having too much arousal since i had unload like a looser a day before.

    Changes

    1. morning wood restrored. But it happened after I woke up, sign of unhealthy. It need more days for recovery.
    2. Brain fog still there. Rather than go mad, I tried to embrace that it was my mistake & I'am learning to better myself.
    3. Sleep easier. Took me around 1 hour only to shut down. Great improvement from yesterday.

    Gameplan

    REPLACE sex fantasizing HABIT with ACTIVITY. As soon some boobs flash in, GO PHYSICAL :

    1. clean house.
    2. take a cold shower. Im gonna put some ice.
    3. strum my guitar like crazy.
     
  5. MadHatter

    MadHatter Fapstronaut

    814
    473
    63
    If it helps, it still feels like I am dancing with the devil, even after this amount of time. We cannot expect to be rid of poisons we introduced into our bodies and minds, after years of self-abuse. It is a rough journey, for us all...

    Don't be envious - be supportive. :)
     
  6. pakatan

    pakatan Fapstronaut

    27
    5
    3
    Day 14

    i relapsed.

    analysis

    laziness lead me wondering on the net. On the bright side, my relapsed is not based on porn. Miss my girl so much, staring at her pixelate smile & end up edging.

    On the Bright side, i have eliminate my urge to watch porn. Not to the point that i found it disgusting (yet), but just enough to build my will to hold myself from sneeking a peek.

    On the other side, i have not smoking for almost 2 weeks.

    At this point, i hope my dick will forgive me. the man had gain considerable improvement in strength & durability (last 15 minutes from the latest intercourse).

    Gameplan

    Eliminate triggering factor. in this case, the memory with my girl. Eliminate feel of neediness by getting busy living my life.

    2016, i am a NEW MAN. Pmo & Smoke FREE.





     

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