1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Tip to approaching girls at the gym

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Clearminded_1234, Sep 14, 2022.

  1. Spark Advance

    Spark Advance Fapstronaut

    227
    602
    93
    Heaven forbid a man approach a woman and tell her that he thinks she's cute.

    HEAVEN FORBID.

    "ShE's ThErE To WoRk OuT, nOt tO GeT HiT on!"

    Bruh. You go by that logic, there's literally NOWHERE (outside of a dedicated singles mixer event) that a man could approach a woman:

    Can't talk to her at the bar, because she's just there to enjoy a few drinks with her friends.
    Can't talk to her at the club, because she's just there to enjoy the music and dance the night away.
    Can't talk to her at the Bible study, because she's just there to get closer to THE LORD.
    Can't talk to her at the grocery store, because she's just there to get food for the rest of the week.
    Can't talk to her at work, because she's just there to put in her 40 and get paid (so that she can feed and house herself).
    Can't talk to her in the ECON315 study group, because she's just there to make sure she can get a good grade on the midterm.
    Can't talk to her at your rec-league volleyball game, because she's just there to have fun and keep her skills sharp.


    The examples are endless.


    I've never been so focused on a workout that I would've been upset if someone wanted to chat with me for a minute or two. And - honestly - if you're the kind of person who would get bent out of shape being interrupted in the middle of your workout, you probably don't belong at a commercial gym.

    Also, nearly everyone has headphones on/earbuds in in at the gym. So I can't talk to anyone? Can't respectfully get their attention and be like, "Hey. You got a second? I just wanted to ask you a question...."? Whether it's making an approach or otherwise.

    Imagine being someone who goes out into a public place and doesn't expect to have to interact in any way, shape, or form with other people.



    Touch grass.
     
  2. Clearminded_1234

    Clearminded_1234 Fapstronaut

    83
    196
    33
    Honestly I'm at a point mentally that the girls who dress like this aren't worth the attention if you are looking for someone to date long-term.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 5, 2023
    HalfIceman and Espi1971 like this.
  3. Hellomynameisrob

    Hellomynameisrob Fapstronaut

    69
    143
    33
    Hey, this is actually really respectful, I usually see dudes on some weird shit tryna get in the gym and only hit on women. It’s weird, it creeps girls out, it never works, and then they teach it to younger dudes who get mad when it doesn’t work because they think it’s supposed to be the greatest method of picking up chicks ever. But this is really good advice. Be respectful, approach people kindly and honestly and build rapport.

    In general, fellas if you’re ever in a social situation where you would like to get a girl’s number, but you don’t know if you should approach her. First, you should ask yourself, if I were approached by someone right now would I want to talk to them and be distracted from what I’m doing right now? If your answer is no, then it’s probably not the right time. For me, at the gym is not the right time. I like to get in and get out. At a place like a party or some other social gathering, where social interactions with new people is encouraged is probably the best way to do it, so put yourself out there and just see where things take you.
     
  4. Hellomynameisrob

    Hellomynameisrob Fapstronaut

    69
    143
    33
    Here’s the thing man, I think in general people who are attracted to people of the opposite sex don’t understand how to talk to people of the opposite sex because they don’t realize that they’re literally just people. It sounds weird to say it like that, but like if you ever have any platonic female friends you’ll realize they are exactly the same as guys. They’re just regular fucking people, they’re not unique in any sense other than the sense that all people are unique. My biggest realization when came to dating was when I had two best friends who were girls that I wasn’t interested in at all, and we just talked and shot the shit just like any of me and my guy friends would. Women and men really aren’t that different but straight men and women spend time with each other so rarely because they’re scared of each other, that they neither realize this fact. Just be yourself around people. If you feel nervous or like it’s a bad time to go up to someone, you don’t have to do it. In fact it may be your brain being reasonable and telling you not to do it. If you have a genuine and organic reaction with someone who you were initially afraid to talk to because of the social situation that you’re in, that’s great. However, don’t force things. I’m a go with the flow kind of person when it comes to dating and relationships and it generally works out for me. Whatever works for you, works for you. But remember dating and relationship advice is not a one-size-fits-all realm of social advice. Be okay with yourself and what you’re okay with.
     
    sohardrn likes this.
  5. Hellomynameisrob

    Hellomynameisrob Fapstronaut

    69
    143
    33
    Yeah, I think generally we should encourage social interaction more. But, there are definitely plenty of social events like parties or clubs, volunteer organizations and stuff where you can get to know people. There are just places where people want to get in and get out or not have to think about certain things while they’re there.

    Like for example at the grocery store. You approach someone, maybe they’re in a hurry and even though they find you nice or attractive they don’t want to be bothered at the moment because they have other things to do. It’s just that people can’t always be open, and sometimes they’re not in a mood to be open, I’ve had plenty of times where I’m like that, and I’m sure you have too. I’ve met people who have been extremely nice and enjoyable to be around but I had a long day and I really wanted to get home so I sort of just politely bowed out of conversation and went about my business.

    And think about this. I’ve got a lot of female friends and they constantly tell me about how they’re sexually harassed daily on the street. It’s just a common occurrence for women to feel like they’re not really viewed as people by men, they’re more viewed as objects. So, when a guy approaches them at a gym, usually they hit on them in either weird ways or only ask for their phone number and then walk away. You have to think about how that must make someone feel, when you go to a place to make yourself feel good and work on yourself, all the while men are constantly treating you like a piece of meat. We have to have empathy for women in these spaces. It’s important not to get frustrated at them, they feel societal pressures just like men do.
     
  6. Varangian Guardsman

    Varangian Guardsman Fapstronaut

    81
    55
    18
    If you want to approach girls at the gym first you need to get a solid base with the guys, get some gym bros and things will improve.
    Ive been training for 4 years on my gym and i mostly unintentionally meeted and started to know so many people there, i mean my goal os to train but there are days where it is almost like i am on a social club than at a gym.
    How that happen to me? Well tbh i dont know very well, what i know is that i always do my best at the trains and treat people politely , besides i workout with a friend and both of us have good phisical appearence that was achieved throw out this years of lifting. Ive reach a point that sometimes it are the womens who approach and talk to me than otherwise.
    My opinion is that dont go to the gym with the mentalitly of getting a girl there, train, improve syourself be confident and everything will flow smmothly, at the gym and in your life
     
  7. @Lady Blåhaj this was where i’m coming from tbh. As this user said, by your logic there is no time to approach a woman

    Dance class isn’t appropriate either bc she’s going there to learn dance not find a date. But maybe she is there to find a partner. i see a lot of single women in dance classes

    Cant approach at the mall bc they are there to go shopping

    Also, a lot of guys don’t like going to bars or drinking. Online dating is abysmal for guys. so what other options are there that are acceptable for you?
     
    Clearminded_1234 likes this.
  8. Espi1971

    Espi1971 Fapstronaut

    1,509
    4,040
    143
    I'm almost 100% convinced that most women go to gyms for the same reason they go to bars: they mainly want to be seen, and entertained.

    For many women in gyms it's all about the "ego boost."

    If they detest male attention so much, then they could join a "female only" gym...or they could spend all of their gym time in the spin and yoga classes (which are definitely pro-female).

    For years now I've derived more personal pleasure and satisfaction from steadfastly ignoring women at the gym. I have zero interest in any of them, and I'm not going to allow some stranger to take away from my gym time.

    Nothing more empowering than to absorb myself in my training. FAR more important for me to get a kickass workout in, rather than waste my time and attention trying to impress unknown women.
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2023
  9. Espi1971

    Espi1971 Fapstronaut

    1,509
    4,040
    143
    This is horrible advice.

    Also your assumption that male gymgoers ("dudes" to use your word) can't help but "hit them up" is rather offensive to me. How dare you to assume that about men in gyms. That is misandry and it reflects more about YOU than it does about all of these supposedly perverted male gymgoers.
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2023
    Spark Advance likes this.
  10. Espi1971

    Espi1971 Fapstronaut

    1,509
    4,040
    143
    I don't ask girls for phone #s.

    Asking for a phone # empowers her not me.

    I like to put the cart before the horse and ask them to meet me.

    The ones who say "yes" will almost always offer their number...without my ever asking for it.

    Also, I NEVER consider "if" it's appropriate to approach a woman.

    GO FOR IT ALWAYS.

    Embrace failure and rejection.

     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2023
    Spark Advance likes this.
  11. Espi1971

    Espi1971 Fapstronaut

    1,509
    4,040
    143
    Of all of the gymgoers I've experienced the worst ones seem to be those Barbie-cardioqueen types. Their gym personalities and manners are often pisspoor...and they never really seem to acknowledge anybody or look anybody in the eye; I'm not sure if it's because they truly despise men or if it's because they feel ashamed of themselves on some level.
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2023
  12. I never approached a woman at the gym. The gym is tricky to approach girls. I don't think it's wrong though if you approach a woman that really stands out to you and you feel like you have to talk to her, then find a right time to do it even if it's at the gym. But I don't think it should be done often at the gym. I think grocery stores, retail stores etc are better. Knowing when to end the conversation if the girl isn't receptive is very important though because you're respecting her, yourself and making her feel humbled all at the same time by ending the conversation short lol.
     
  13. Clearminded_1234

    Clearminded_1234 Fapstronaut

    83
    196
    33
    I'm at a point in this nofap journey where the girl really has to stand out to me for me to approach her. I used to be in chase mode and would want to approach whoever has a nice body but with my brain rewired I've learned to trust my intuition more and not serve my ego in trying to pull girls and validate myself. True validation must come from within, that way you aren't attached to any outcome because you are secure with yourself either way.

    My mindset is so different now. I don't sexualize girls too much anymore. In fact, it's kind of annoying that some of them dress so seductively. You start wondering: Hows her character? Hows her heart? What kinds of things does she value?

    But don't get me wrong I still appreciate a woman's beauty. It's one of God's gifts to earth! I just dont entertain the lustful feelings I had when I was fapping. It's empowering to have that kind of control of your own body and mind.
     
  14. EightDalla

    EightDalla Fapstronaut

    114
    42
    28
    I don't go to bars but I get your point lol.. I think it takes sensitivity and experience to talk to women at the gym.. you'd have to be able to naturally speak to them.. and if they are receptive to you.. then only make that step.. but honestly just no worth it.. In my 10 years going to gym I've never asked for a girls number at the gym. There's plenty of places outside the gym (I don't go to bars). Inside people are trying to better themselves peacefully better to let them.

    That being said I have a gripe.. women dress INCREDIBLY revealing these days to go to the gym.. like a bra and panties more or less.. It's not really cool lol of course it's going to attract a lot of attention. At the very least its incredibly distracting.
     
  15. Clearminded_1234

    Clearminded_1234 Fapstronaut

    83
    196
    33
    They dont want attention yet they wear these outfits for the attention. My coworker back in the day said this and it still true to me till this day: Women are crazy... but we love them anyway.
     
    The man with the plan likes this.
  16. pz15298

    pz15298 Fapstronaut

    28
    49
    13
    Well I'd advise against it unless you are advanced level in cold approaches. There are enough girls on the street/in the cafes/bars/clubs to do cold approaches without consequences. In a workplace/gym where people know each other there's a much higher social cost to rejection, and it makes things awkward and uncomfortable for everyone involved.
    If I'm to do it I'd probably be extra calibrated. Indirect open, friendly instead of flirty vibe, do small talks to see if it's on, I wouldn't do number close, rather instagram/social media close.
    Another approach is to be flirty with everybody but this requires having a certain personality to pull off.
     
  17. Spark Advance

    Spark Advance Fapstronaut

    227
    602
    93
    I feel like a lot of y'all are using the whole "you shouldn't talk to women at the gym" line as an excuse for not having the courage to go up and talk to a woman that you're interested in.

    There's no right time or right place. If you keep waiting for the perfect moment and the perfect situation, IT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.

    Would you rather live with the brief pain of rejection or the eternal pain of regret? The eternal pain of wondering "what if"?

    "What if I talked to that cute girl at the gym? What if she was single? What if she actually was kinda into me? What if we hit it off? What if we could've been amazing together?"

    I didn't want to wonder anymore. I wanted to know. And that's what motivated me to talk to the girl I was crushing on at my gym.

    I sincerely doubt that anybody in the gym witnessed the 30-second interaction between myself and the girl I was crushing on. And even if they did, I don't think that they would've cared a single bit that I got rejected. And if - for some reason - they did care, WHY THE HELL WOULD I?

    Maybe. For, like, a week or two. Then it's back to normal. You go about your business. She goes about her business. The only thing different is that you know that she's not interested or has a boyfriend or whatever and she knows that you were crushing on her.

    Just more excuses. "I'm not where I need to be. I've not approached 200 girls yet. I need to have at least 200 before I talk to that cute girl in the gym."

    You wanna know how I asked the girl in my gym out? Here's how I did it:

    She had happened to set up on the machine directly across from me, so I figured that then was as good a time as any. I waited until she was in-between sets before I approached her:

    "Excuse me,"
    I said, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
    She looked up, paused her music, and took out her earbuds.
    "I just wanted to let you know that I've been crushing on you for the last few weeks."
    She chuckled a little bit at hearing this. I continued:
    "I was wondering if you'd like to join me for some Chipotle after you're all done."
    "I'm sorry,"
    she replied, "I've actually got a boyfriend."
    "I figured as much. Well. You have a good rest of your workout."
    "Thanks,"
    she said - with a smile on her face.
    "You're welcome."

    And then I walked away and continued my workout like nothing happened.

    I wholly expected for the next week or so to be filled with awkward energy, but it turned out that everything was just as it was before. No problems. No awkwardness. (You gotta remember that any time you feel awkward, IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD.)

    I wholeheartedly agree with Espi1971 when he says
    Time to be a big boy.
    Time to shoot your shot.
    Time to not give a single flying flock-of-seagulls about what other people may think of you and go for what you want.

    Get out there and pursue your desires.

    (But before you do, touch some grass for me, would ya?)
     
  18. pz15298

    pz15298 Fapstronaut

    28
    49
    13
    Go for it if you want bro. But why so obsessed with your gym? When you have tens of thousands of girls outside on the street and in the club to approach at will, and without the 1-2 weeks of awkwardness.
    'We shouldn't care about other people's opinion'. This is a cope mechanism by people who get bad reactions all the time. Imagine if you are a master PUA who gets good reactions all the time, would you still be immune to people's opinions? No of course not, there's no reason to.
    A master PUA is not someone who disregard others' opinions (if anything a lot of them are the opposite e.g. Mystery). The truth is we all want respect. And if people around you think you're weird, your mental health will take a toll.

    200 is nothing. I'm at 2000 and still a beginner at best. By advanced I mean maybe 6000 - 10000 approaches, and >30 high quality lays. And the thing with beginner is a lot of the time we don't understand social dynamics, we misread signs, we think there is no awkwardness but there is. It takes a master to really understand the signs girls are giving.

    Summary: If you are doing it just for practise and don't care about the result.. go for it. But still street is a better place.
    If you want results, if you are playing to win, I suggest you do it after you become advanced to ensure higher chance of winning.
     
  19. I've been more focused on my workouts when I was at the gym. I literally had a Woman Trainer say to me

    "Ohh, don't worry about me just a cute young girl here working out, nothing to see"

    Honestly if she didn't perk out like that maybe I would of been like hi my name is so so. Do you want to do some set's together and see how far we'd get? But the fact she was so stuck up made me not want to talk to her with her giving her self away. It was just rather awkward.

    Yeah every girl has airpod or headphones on. I don't think a tap on the shoulder would do any harm for another approach. I think its just about the positive energy you dip at the first sight to make her calm and relaxed.
     
  20. Bloodstream

    Bloodstream Fapstronaut

    113
    148
    43
    I would not approach a woman at the gym for several reasons. 1. Many men already do it, and I don't want to be another betaman standing in line. 2. They come to workout and (not always but the most pretty ones) show of their bodies (why else would the workout in the smallest most tight outfits they can find. Many men with a lot of muscles do the same to get attention. 3. It's a sexual environment where she nows you are mostly interested in her because of her body, and that usually is not a very good start, at least not when you are sober ;) 4. Many of these girls talk to a lot of guys at the gym and they will tell them you are a creep. But 5 mostly because I just want to listen to my aggressive music and get all hate, anxiety and shit out by lifting weights.
     
    HalfIceman and Warrior4Freedom like this.

Share This Page