Someone...please.

The longest I have jerked off was for 9 hours straight. I had heart palpitations, I got dizzy, my skin was tingly, I kinda felt like I was gonna die.

Turn off the computer, or get a porn blocker, or work out, or take cold showers, or do all the above. Curl up into a ball and rock back and forth. Cling for dear life and spite and tell yourself that you will not do it again no matter what.

Spite is a powerful emotion for me. So is anger.

First, you have to get mad.

 

Just so you know, feeling guilty will only make you feel worse. Self-pity is the worst poison a person can have.

As I said, I replaced my self-pity with spite. Addiction is a war, sometimes you win and lose battles.

 

Guilt and self-pity is already being angry at yourself.

My attitude is "You'll have to drag me kicking and screaming to give up, fuck this addiction, fuck it right in the eyeball." Being angry at porn, or the situation, is more proactive and beneficial than being angry at yourself.

One says "I give up, I'm a loser, I suck, I can't make it" and the other says "I lost this time, but damn it, I'm gonna make it, even if it takes me 100 times! I don't care anymore! I'll suffer what I have to! Screw it!"

 

I think self-compassion is the way to go. Accept that you have urges because there is pain and anxiety that you need to deal with in your life. Acknowledging that you have emotions and seeing them for what they are - just emotions is a strong attribute. Remember, your brain is trying to control you in your time of weakness. But you control your brain and you certainly have the capability to control your thoughts.

More concretely, start making changes in your life. PMO is a symptom, not the problem. The problems lie in your life which is where the addiction comes in to numb away those problems. You will know better than anyone else what is really bothering you, write it down. Then write down how and what you will do to overcome that problem. If the solution is out of your reach, then accept it for what it is and replace your pain/anxiety with something productive - exercise, take a cold shower, spend time with your family/friends, watch a good movie/tv show, read a book. When you make positive changes in your life and start tackling the problem, there will be no room for addiction.

I've found negative emotions to be counter-productive. I hope this helps.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. This process is probably not very easy so its commendable that you are taking the necessary steps to address porn addiction. Try to remind yourself what you are doing and why you are doing it. Try to get rid of temptation like an iPhone or ipad. If you need to use the internet, try to make sure you use it in a public space and that you be mindful of what you are using the internet to do. I empathize with your predicament because I am also trying to stop fapping so much (I'm quitting porn.) Good luck.

 

Hang in there. I have been in your shoes many times and potentially will be again. Hopelessness is hard to overcome. I've dealt with it a lot. It can feel like you just slid down an immense hill for the 1000th time and you're not going anywhere. I'm probably in the thousands actually and just saying it to you makes me feel hopeful.

I recommend getting outside of yourself. Connect with someone. Tell someone how you feel about school that you trust. And do all of the other things that folks have recommended here.

Just remember, you're not a victim and you're not alone. You're capable of making a choice. You are empowered to say no even if you don't feel like it. You are not a bad person because of what you've done. Keep treading!