Trouble during sex

Porn is poison for human males, walk away from it and never look back. A break from sex or even touching of any kind is what you need.

And if you need motivation, read some of the stories here, a lot of wreckage and ruines lives. Donblow this off as a small issue, it's a VERY big problem that men are only just starting to talk about.

 

I get the same problem when I’m with my wife, because we rarely have sex anyway I spend so much time edging and looking at porn.
Then on the rare occasions she says she wants sex I can’t get erect, it is in my mind to start with so it only gets worse.
It is a problem I don’t have with porn.
It’s a catch 22 , either I don’t edge or masturbate for a month or so and be ok when she wants it, that’s what I should do but natural urges don’t let me wait

 

I can relate to this buddy, as it’s affected me at points during my life when I’ve been using heavily. Especially as a younger guy when I was a student I had a lot of free time with my laptop and used to really binge. So I was screwing up my brain with all this artificially stimulus, and I was also ruining my junk with the old death grip.

I can remember 3 separate occasions where I ended up with girls and it didn’t happen, nothing, nada. This was during this period.

I wasn’t able to successfully quit porn, but I did stop binging - not through any particular effort or focus, but just the opportunities weren’t there. I didn’t know them what I know now. I think with that my ability improved, but didn’t completely go away.

Over the past few years as I’ve learned more and intentionally tried to stop, I’ve had occasions where I’ve managed to avoid PM for over 30 days. On a couple of occasions when I’ve done this my partners have commented that things get different better. My wife even thought I’d secretly taken a stimulant.

so what I can tell you is that it will get better, but it takes time and discipline and all the tools that everyone on here shares to resist urges day to day.

my other piece of advice would be to try and quit the escorts, even though it’s legal. I’ve been down that road too for years, and it isn’t gonna help you in the long run. I think physiologically and psychologically having sex with an escort isn’t that different to PMO. It’s doing something that could be viewed as shameful and is definitely artificial and it isn’t healthy sex. Maybe it’s fine for some people (I’d argue not), but it definitely isn’t ok for addicts like us. When I’ve been with paid girls, I definitely know deep down im doing something shameful and wrong, and while I’ve kidded myself on that’s it’s healthy and good and deserved, im just kidding myself.

you can definitely do this….

 

You know that you and your addiction is destroying the sexual life in your marriage?

 

Yep, you’ve got it. Just keep trying.

your nervous because you don’t know the girls and also you know it’s not real and your doing something shameful. This won’t help you at all.

great that you are not looking at porn, but try and stop the MO too for a while. I know it won’t be easy, but many on here have used the reboot to help their recovery.
And you are right about the adverts and images. Unfortunately sex sells and gets attention, and marketing professionals know this very well. I read someone describing trying to stop a porn/sex addiction as like trying to quit smoking but having to carry a pack of cigarettes in your pocket all the time. Its true. And we also have to face the adverts and images and signals happening all around us. It’s a hard road but we can do it!!!

 

Yes I do know it is , it doesn’t help though when you rarely have sex, it is only usually once a month,

 

And here’s the kicker….. the fact that your wife only wants sex once a month, could very well be influenced by the way you are towards her. And if you are using PM heavily, then you maybe won’t realise how it’s affecting the signals you send out. For example a lack of affection, irritability, etc. you may find that through stopping the PMO suddenly she’s a bit more interested in sex with you, because you are being a nicer guy without even realising it.

obviously I don’t know you man, or your wife. So I’m not judging here, and you can take my advice or leave it. But I’ve read about this from others, and in my own relationships I’ve noticed that pattern. When I truly love and focus on my wife, sex happens more often.

we have to accept the responsibility for the impact our addiction and the behaviour it causes, and how that affects our families

 

It sounds like classic PIED (Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction) you can get hard and maintain your erection while watching porn but when you're with a real woman you struggle to maintain it because you've desensitized yourself to the real thing. I had the exact same problem when trying to have sex but ever since cutting out porn and masturbating so often I no longer have any issues getting or maintaining erections for sex with my girlfriend.

Basically a simple 3 step process to cure yourself of this issue.

1. Stop watching porn, even photos, not even peeking or edging.
2. Stop touching your dick, only times you should touch it during the day are for urination and bathing.
3. Be patient, it could take months (it took me 20+ months to fully be cured of this issue) obviously this depends on severity, others don't take this long.

 

You make some good points there that I wouldn’t have considered, maybe I am giving off the wrong signals and not being as affectionate.

 

Yes possibly. Like I said I don’t know your situation so no judgement. I just do believe that when we are walking around under the grip of that PMO it’s going to impact all our interactions all of the time in ways we don’t even realise. I got some advice from someone on here about being careful not to try and use sex with your partner as a PMO substitute - which sounds nuts. But if you are using their body in order to make yourself feel good, they’re probably going to realise. And if you get angry when they don’t want to, that could be affected your demeanour too.

 

Hello everyone, so I’m right on track to NPMO, feeling god with the week streak. Also I suffer from PIED, but I’m working on it.
The question that I have is about the second point on the list (not touching my dick) I want to practice some exercises that are supposed to make my dick bigger, in there the is “jelquig” which is an high-pressure way to squeeze the dick to improve blood flow and quality of the erection, there is also some edging/masturbation (no orgasm ) involve in the process.

So... Do you think it would be counterproductive to do this kind of exercise while trying to cure PIED through NOFAP?? I'm supposed to do them almost every day.
I want to recover my ability to enjoy sex, but I also want to make my dick bigger.

 

20+ months? How did you make it through all of that?

 

I should have mentioned there were relapses along the way which likely is why it took longer, but I was also rewiring with my gf so I had a healthy sexual outlet.

 

Personally I've never heard of "jelquig" and I don't think its a good idea at all. There is really no benefit or reason to do this, edging is one of the main causes of PIED, it just isn't a natural human function to be edging yourself and pulling and squeezing like you're describing, none of that ever happens in real life sex with someone, in my honest opinion it will make things worse.

Also I'm not a doctor but I'm pretty sure there is no way you can actually make your dick bigger by any sort of exercise.