The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Hello everyone,

I made some improvement during my time away, but still not enough as my PMO habit is once again getting the better of me. A lot of my other habits have been really good though. I had planned to not come back here for a few months, but now I have decided to take even more drastic action...

Rather than just no PMO I will cut the computer (almost) entirely out of my life for the next period. I have no idea what this will look like, or how I will fill that vast chasm of empty time as even without PMO I still spend who knows how many hours a day online... It is an addiction all its own and my porn habits no doubt wouldn't have spawned without it. People didn't used to live like this!

Of course it is almost impossible to literally never use the internet these days, so I will allow myself to use the computer only to do a zoom meeting I attend every second week and to pay my bills online on the first. That is a week from now, so after I pay those bills I'll come back here and update you guys on how my first week of almost no internet went.

This is no doubt going to be hard, but I did do a long streak of no Youtube (which is the biggest problem), so I know I can do this.

For the first time in a long time (other than traveling) I am shutting off my laptop and closing it up. In the rare events that I do post during this next saga I will post to the LOTR challenge, the duels, my journal and nowhere else. I hope to update you all in a week with success and then go far beyond that!

 

This journey can be painful. There are some days when the sun just doesn't want to shine at all. But we have to get through it because it's the right thing to do. We have to keep walking even though it's not pleasurable. Even though something inside us tells what we're doing is wrong.
My body wants it's relapse. My addiction will try to crack my armor over the next weeks and bring me eventually to my knees. But I will keep walking for as long as I can

 

Checking in Fellowship Friend's!

7 Day Free of PMO

Back to a week, time to step it up again. I had a productive work day and possibly a nice opportunity to come with work. As stress was hitting me, thoughts of temptation arose. I'm back to calling them out for the liar and thief's that they are. I'm not out of the woods yet, but that will come with patience, practice and resilience.

Stay Strong!

@kaerhal Well done on overcoming the temptation brother.

@PeaceOnEarth108 Thank you brother, yes it seems I am out of the most dangerous zone. Perspective has shifted and possibly growth has ensued. We will see with time, I am still learning and approaching things with caution. As for what you are going through, think of it as your body's homeostasis shifting and rebalancing. It will hurt, it will be uncomfortable, but you will be a better man for it.

@nerdy_owl Glad you rose again brother!

@Talz We will be here to support you on your journey brother, be well and I hope this digital free time gives you space to grow and overcome PMO.

@Paul S. Entering places of your brain where you don't usually go is a good thing brother, you are not avoiding. Thus, you are growing.

 

Day 13. III.

After yesterday's fight with psychologist I think I'll be the one to give up. I will reinstate weekends back into my life. It's very scary for me, but how can I expect to want something in life, if my brain is always tired. I haven't had real day off in months. Because I am either working/studying or feeling guilty that I don't do anything. Add the hardmodes to the picture, which is big change, and my brain is exhausted. When I don't give my body proper rest - it takes that by force, but it is this guilty rest.

I don't expect that everything will be ok right away. There may be tough deadlines, there may be mistakes, failures, which I have to suddenly fix. I understand that there will be procrastination on workdays and guilt on weekends. I understand... But with time my body will start believing that I can organise proper rest for it and it will let me do stuff with more enthusiasm... Like with starting tasks on time - it took time, but now it is happening.

I may lay around all weekend if I want, I don't care. If I am tired - I can do it - it's fine. But hopefully I'll spend more time in nature, moderate socialising, investing into spiritual life.

This is not only about work. This is a big spiritual step for me - to control less, to stop trying predict and protect myself against everything that may come, to give more of my life into the hands of Jesus. I am afraid, but it's time.

Spoiler: Journey stuff

Hard mode + no shutting blockers down - day 13.
No caffeine (no coffee, tea, chocolate, etc.).
Calisthenics workout every Saturday. I can do one additional workout on any chosen day. 9 done.

 

Be strong!

 

37 days

 

Day 2

 

Day 42!

 

Day 14.

Two weeks hardmodes. I am a happy. I enjoy.

Went for a walk this morning. Snow is melting. No worries... They say it will be snowing again soon.

Time to start studying soon. I don't want to, but I'll rest on weekend.

Spoiler: Journey stuff

Hard mode + no shutting blockers down - day 14.
No caffeine (no coffee, tea, chocolate, etc.).
Calisthenics workout every Saturday. I can do one additional workout on any chosen day. 9 done.

 

Day 274
what a busy day. Any ay my rest day is coming....

 

I've been away for a while but no I'm hoping to come back. Checking in for day 7

 

4 days
Low urges yesterday, stayed out of social networks, ate healthy and trying to socialize all the days.
Today I worked out and took a cold shower
Keep strong my brothers.

 

Day 14. II.

My enthusiasm to do nofaps clearly dropped compared to this morning. It's dangerous state to be. Usually, when I don't care about this anymore, I relapse. If I keep relapsing whenever I am not enthusiastic, I will never reach a year hardmodes.

Spoiler: Journey stuff

Hard mode + no shutting blockers down - day 14.
No caffeine (no coffee, tea, chocolate, etc.).
Calisthenics workout every Saturday. I can do one additional workout on any chosen day. 9 done.

 

Day 0 I'm a hobbit now.

 

Day 3!

 

Day 10!

 

Dont do it @Paul S. !
Think about all the pain that ensued you after previous relapses. Is it really worth it?

Also, you seem to learn more and more about yourself every day, it is very motivating to see!

You can do this brother.

 

Day 9

Day has gone well.

 

Checking in Fellowship Friend's!

8 Day Free of PMO

Quick check in.

Stay strong!

@monkeyDluffy16 Welcome!


8 days – Gildor Inglorion, an Elf, crosses your path causing a Nazgûl that was chasing you to flee. You stay the night with his company of Elves talking about your struggles with PMO. "Courage is found in unlikely places" he says. He gives you an Hithlain rope, a magical rope, light and flexible, yet extremely strong.

Quest Item – Hithlain rope

 

Day 26

I’ve been feeling incredibly low these past few days. I decided to take a day away from college to rest and I do feel a great deal better, but I’m still identifying the root cause of what’s going on.

Urges were a problem while at home, but after watching The Whale I’ve found a new perspective on fighting addiction - I’d definitely recommend watching it!