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Hooked on IR porn

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by ZVR, Feb 2, 2023.

  1. ZVR

    ZVR Fapstronaut

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    I have a problem viewing interracial pornography. It’s gotten pretty bad. I don’t want to trigger anyone so please don’t continue if you think it could.

    I’m at the point now where I can go a pretty long time without looking at porn, but when I do it always comes back to this interracial stuff.Unfortunately it’s really some very racist stuff. Like white genocide and white boys are trash stuff….. it’s awful. It’s like I’m getting off on this idea that I’m not sexually desired (which is some real bull crap that I tell myself even though it’s very untrue) and that black men are desired. I know how messed up that is. But I can’t deny that I’m hooked on it. It’s so devastating to my mental health. Honestly it makes me feel like such a freak, like there is something so wrong with me.

    It sucks man. All I ever wanted was a wife and kids but I’ve been single for so long and now I’m jerking off to this stuff.

    Does anyone have any advice about this stuff specifically? Honestly I want to be 100% free of porn. But I would legitimately pay 10000 dollars to be able to just have a problem withregular run of the mill pornography.
     
  2. Pauley

    Pauley Fapstronaut

    It's powerful stuff when you are new to dating and love. Women generally have great power over men and we listen to what they say. Unfortunately you are listening to the wrong kind of women. They are bottom of the bowl trash prostitutes. They are not worthy to be listened to. Know their place and know yours.
     
  3. When it comes to interracial pornography, in reality, it is so fake, and actually, it is an extension of racism and white supremacist beliefs and views.

    In those porn videos that are titled by the likes of "blonde college girl gets shafted by a BBC" , what they are truly doing is dehumanizing the black man, and portraying him as a walking and talking dildo for the white female to pleasure herself with. The unfortunate reality, is that even in real life, quite a lot of white females oversexualise black men like this, and are only with black men for trashy relationships, where they only use the black man to fulfill their "gutter sex fantasy", while in reality, they want nothing to do with a black man as far as marriage, family, ect... They do not see the black man as a human being, who has emotions, thoughts, feelings, a mind of his own, and who does not want to be just viewed as a sex object for others to get off with.
     
  4. ZVR

    ZVR Fapstronaut

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    All true. The problem is the very things you said are what takes my porn addiction and multiply it. That’s why it’s so poisonous. I don’t feel about people that way in real life. It’s just a dirty secret and an act of self destruction in a downward spiral.

    Also, what you are describing is really the “entry level” or hook to get someone into such a thing. Unfortunately I am experiencing first hand something even more depraved. It’s like some brainwashing stuff. The other day I literally drove across town to my friends house who is out of town because I remembered he had a VR headset. My plan was to go buy a weed vape pen and get super high and watch this stuff in VR. Thank God I couldn’t find the headset. Honest to God I am so thankful.

    But I seriously thought what is the difference between me and a crack addict right now…. Seriously. Searching feverishly for my friends VR headset in the middle of the night instead of going to bed so I can work.
     
    JF2002SD likes this.
  5. BrSweat

    BrSweat Fapstronaut

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    I have been addicted to similar for a few years. It's really potent and really fucked with my psyche. We need to quit it all together cuz everytime we go back we reinforce the humiliation patterns and it becomes much stronger.
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2023
  6. Legacy of Lost Soul

    Legacy of Lost Soul Fapstronaut

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    Im sure this need to be degraded comes from a psychological trauma u endured somewhere during your life. So if u want to solve this, u can take 1/10 of the proposed 10k USD and give it to good therapist for 10 sessions and tell him exactly this. He should direct you, than u do the work.
     
    Lenard Fosterman likes this.
  7. ZVR

    ZVR Fapstronaut

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    Yes I agree it’s psychological. Maybe this isn’t the place to air it out but I had 3 ultra masculine professional cage fighting brothers and I have an extreme inferiority complex connected to that combined with a pretty screwed up father I think . I may consider finding a therapist.
     
  8. ZVR

    ZVR Fapstronaut

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    I think this is really the key. I’m giving the wrong kind of people influence over my self worth. And I’m doing that because basically I worship sex. If I didn’t worship sex, why would I care what sex workers think of me. Sex is only something that should be regarded highly if it’s done in an honorable context. Honor should really be a man’s highest aspiration. And I think that’s the essence of this addiction, just relinquishing my birthright of honor.
     
    Rangula and Lenard Fosterman like this.
  9. Lenard Fosterman

    Lenard Fosterman Fapstronaut

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    That's already the gist of what you're dealing with.

    The IR porn is nothing but the stage on which you sexualize your negative self-worth, projecting sexual virility and dominance on black men by reference to racist stereotypes. It seems you do understand that, rationally. Now, do you dare to tap into these negative emotions without the whole sexualized and racialized mimikry and truly acknowledge them?
     
  10. ZVR

    ZVR Fapstronaut

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    Man it seems like my trigger is this fear of beautiful women. Is there any way to fix that other than “shock therapy” by just talking to any beautiful woman I see? I’ve “worked on myself” and accomplished different things, but it seems like my low self esteem is rooted in negative emotions/experiences involving speaking to women. Maybe I need some female friends or something. I’ve got no idea. I’m so very sick of being controlled by sex, period. It’s like a god that snaps it’s fingers and I bow to it.
     
    Legacy of Lost Soul likes this.
  11. ZVR

    ZVR Fapstronaut

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    I don’t even want “sex” anymore. I want to be free of it. I don’t want to need it or let it have any influence over me. I don’t want to have a need for a “good sex life”. I don’t want to be alpha. I don’t want women fawning over me. I want to help people and care about everyone. But when I see a beautiful woman somehow I just can’t look at her like a normal person. I can’t show kindness to them because I’m so deathly afraid of what they think of me. How pathetic is that? I don’t want to look at women as a trophy or something to validate myself with.
     
  12. ZVR

    ZVR Fapstronaut

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    I just want to be “broken”. I want to give up. Just relinquish my selfish desires and become a vessel with the sole purpose of helping each soul I come into contact with.
     
  13. ZVR

    ZVR Fapstronaut

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    I truly desire that and yet I have this “gollum-like” shadow self, that sexualizes strangers and throws a fit when I can’t have them.
     
    An0nym0use1234 likes this.
  14. Legacy of Lost Soul

    Legacy of Lost Soul Fapstronaut

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    Dont be too focused on helping others. 1st help yourself. I would subscribe to this with the one change I made there:

    "I don’t even want “sex” anymore. I want to be free of it. I don’t want to need it or let it have any influence over me. I don’t want to have a need for a “good sex life”. I don’t want to be alpha. I don’t want women fawning over me. I want to help myself and be left the eff alone."

    Thats me :)
     
    Lenard Fosterman likes this.
  15. Lenard Fosterman

    Lenard Fosterman Fapstronaut

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    I feel you're having a very sober, sincere moment of realisation and giving up on something you've hold on to for too long, suffering. Amazing!

    Only I strongly agree with Legacy of Lost Soul, please don't resort all too quickly into saviour syndrome.
    The idea of becoming someone completely selfless, desireless, sexless is nothing but idealistic. Not getting there is only going to feed gollum and leading into frustrated relapses. The vessel will contain nothing but that same old void.

    The one soul you need to come into contact with first is your own. As dark is it may seem, sit still, observe and feel all the pain... the pain of not being seen, of not feeling attractive, of deathly fearing to be rejected, of being broken. Be kind and patient and compassionate and embrace your beautiful soul as it is feeling all of that.

    Eventually you'll feel great calm and peace, and that's the place from where you can go and connect with everyone else. Noone will be more worthy and beautiful than you. We're all human, we're all divine. And your vessel will be filled with sexual energy that is pure liveliness and doesn't need to get off on projections anymore.
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2023
  16. ZVR

    ZVR Fapstronaut

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    I was listening to Terry Crews being interveiwed last night about his porn addiction. He brought up some abusive behavior from his mother. It really for the first time occurred to me that my lack of self worth stems from some abusive behavior growing up. Not all abuse is physical or sexual.

    I do not like dwelling on past things and blaming others at all. But it seems like there’s something to it. Like I’m actually frozen in time from being treated a certain way by an adult who had the mentality of a child. My addiction is rooted in this painful feeling of not having any self worth.
     
    ForwardNBeyond likes this.
  17. Bulgarin

    Bulgarin New Fapstronaut

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