I'm having issues, any advice is welcome!

Well, I let myself answer the thread as I experience something similar, but maybe not in 1:1 ratio. I guess you won't feel alone with that problem. A huge pity we cannot grab a beer and talk about that though.

That will be long, but will give you a correct context

As you may or may not remember from your another thread I'm 22, she's 21 and we've been together for 3,5 years. We're first sexual partners for each other. In the beginning our sex was really fantastic, we talked a lot about our fantasies and realized them, she used to dress a lingerie or hills I liked and so on and it lasted for I guess 2,5 years maybe. But then after some time, when she became more "emotionally" bonded and we spoke more about the hypothetical future together, this whole arousal weakened. Till today I cannot easily find a reason for that, maybe she realized "he's mine I don't have to try" ?
Since the sexual energy has been lower I spoke to her about that. She told me I had to support her more emotionally (we live in the same city, see each other 1-3 times a week) and I did it, honestly I worked on that. Then one night after the period of my really, really hard work in this emotional/mental context she appreciated, the love-making was good but still like 10% of that we had before and I become more and more frustrated. My mind was trying to trick me as I don't have any problem approaching women and..."engaging" them. In different situations I met interesting girls I didn't proceed with it, because what? I'll cheat? Hide? None of these are mine. Sincerely, it may sound wicked, but there are times I think I should have proceed.
Honestly I don't remember whether she bought a new lingerie to surprise me for two years now. Or trying new things in bed- she's "lazy". I got this 99% of initiative and I'm bored, really. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think about it that way - I watched a lot of porn, my fantasies are distorted and things that excite me are wrong. To that I'm not dreaming of BSDM hardcore maniac sex with her friends and a cripple with masks... I just want her to dress beautifully for me and be a charming woman with grace- that's it. I'm trying to rebuild seduction, game, this magic between us, but how can I do it alone? Moreover I got this resistance talking to her about this again as she usually takes it as an attack and like I'm not appreciating her love or something. So masculine like a greek god, right? (haha this is so pathetic now as I'm reading that)

The interesting part here - sometimes I didn't want to have sex with her and I refused or found explanations. She has a demanding study major and during last year she really lost it but now we know it that studying was only an excuse. She gained like 8-9 kg, didn't do any sport and ate unhealthy. Believe me, she was the worst version of herself yet and I supported her, but I'didn't like our sex to the point I felt ashamed of going out with her. I had this strong desire to cheat as I met a lot of normal girls who could take care of themselves f.e. my friends' girlfriends. But I was strong, talked to her and in 3 months she lost the overweight, went into great healthy lifestyle and attends a gym for the first time in her life. I've been there for her and believe me, for a young man, a factory of testosterone, it was challenging, being "hit on" by other ladies at the same time.

To the worse, we have a problem of different manner - economy in my country is really bad and getting worse day by day. Im fully aware of what's going on, she's not and I got this opportunity to emigrate and live like a human being without such giant stress I experience here in my homeland. I want to change cities, universities, countries, travel, she doesn't. That also kills us. But I'll surely create another thread for that discussion.

In addition, I've spoken to two friends who are in relationship for more than 3 years and believe me, they have the same problem. On one hand there is a woman that loves you and you love her and you have a past and maybe future together, but on the other hand this will to live your life to the fullest, to gain experience of different type including women and "live" before you get married, raise kids, find a place you want to live in etc.

I ask myself in the evenings - how much of love and magic and how much of habit there is in my relationship?
For now I cannot say I want 100% a future with her. Maybe we love each other, but we're not looking in the same direction and that's just it?

Are there more Fapstronauts with dilemmas of that sort?

 

Hey I'm from Poland and have an opportunity to leave for Australia in 2018 for work-visa for 18months and a chance to study in Canada in 2017 for 2 sems (double engineering degree). I'll definitely buy you a beer if my dream came true and believe me I'm working on it You must have encountered some Poles as some of us emigrated in large numbers to Ireland and England in the last couple of years because of Polish economy and this whole post-communist mess here.

To the essence, well I'm super glad you did it together! That must be a great strenghtening for you both. I really appreciate that you GF came with you for as far as I know girls are more likely than men to stay near families, parents, home cities etc. Was she always supportive with that decision?

Maybe you have a point that nowadays combining men biological aspirations to spread semen all over the world (hah) and porn-programming we become less attracted to monogamy. But for me it is just a tip of an iceberg as this whole porn and sexual programming do a lot of harm to traditional (f.e. Christan) values. About that instability, in some cases it is probably true as I can see my friends (definitely not mature as I am), many of whom are really nervous, eyes everywhere, not able to do well at work, university, always "somewhere else" gazing at every woman that enters the bar and I'm 99% sure they are not able to create any relationship for now. I'm not speaking years-long, but on emotional level. Therefore porn could really make us loose the man's stability and balance which is just unattractive. Random thoughts.