Consistency: Constant Recommitment and The Trap of "Everything is Awesome"

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by asfixiated, Oct 17, 2015.

  1. asfixiated

    asfixiated Fapstronaut

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    The Trap

    So I've been posting a lot on these forums over the past two days. A lot of it has been hyper-positive - strong assertions that I have my habit fully in control. And I definitely do! This time will be a success, and I know this because I know myself.

    However there is a trap that I fell into very often when rebooting this past year - the "Everything is Awesome" trap. I would start NoFap, or whatever other habit du-jour I was looking into at the time, and I would be hyper-motivated for two or three days. I'd be coasting - the habit seemed easy. But then day four or five would come and bam - I'm skipping. What the hell was going on?

    What's the Trap?

    When we start a new habit, the habit seems easy because we have the motivation for keeping the habit fresh in our mind. Of course you feel guilty and recommit to NoFap right after you relapse! You're feeling the negative effects of PMO, right then and there.

    For two to three days, you're on top of the world. Your path is clear, and you've got your habit where you want it. "Everything is Awesome".

    But a few days later you fall off the wagon again. This often happens because you've let your guard down and lost your reason to fight. You consciously know why you're doing NoFap, but you don't subconsciously feel why you're doing NoFap. Your conscious, rational brain is effectively throwing "empty words" at your subconscious brain, which has forgotten the reason you quit PMO.

    Ahh No! Does That Mean My Commitment Right After PMO is "Fake"?

    NO! There's nothing wrong with recommitting - in fact I encourage recommitting at the nearest possible opportunity, even right after PMO. The real trap is thinking that your commitment is worth less because you "only made it because you were motivated at the time, and it's like my 30th try". It's worth just as much as the first commitment to NoFap you ever made! Never think any different.

    But with any commitment the biggest problem is always consistency! Recommit, but do so with the knowledge that your next challenge is achieving consistency of motivation to avoid falling into the post-"Everything is Awesome" pit.

    So How do I Achieve Consistency?

    The million dollar question! I could give you a thousand answers - meditation, daily affirmations, healthy eating, exercise... The truth is (and I know it sucks to hear) that it the specific answer varies from person to person.

    But there is one thing that you can always do that will, without fail, give you a good shot at achieving consistency and that is... making an earnest attempt at achieving consistency! Try something new, or revive an old method that didn't work last time! Do something differently, or do the same thing you did before but use your newly acquired knowledge to overcome the hurdle that tripped you up!

    Whatever you choose to do keep pushing forward, and don't stop. And be an infallible optimist about it!

    Optimism is your Friend!

    There's nothing wrong with constant optimism! Society often paints optimists as "oblivious to the world" and "naive" - but you can be optimistic without being either of those things! Optimism is just the belief that you'll succeed. In reality most people are afraid to be optimists because they're afraid of being wrong about their positive predictions, and then appearing naive or oblivious to others.

    Don't be afraid of being optimistic about every NoFap attempt
    , or indeed about any of your life endeavors. Worst case, you're wrongly optimistic (gasp! The horror!). Best case, you achieve your goal.

    Conclusion/TL;DR

    There's one method that will, infallibly, inevitably lead to your quitting of PMO, and that is constant, earnest recommitment. And when you recommit, do so with optimism, but also with the knowledge that your next step will be building and maintaining consistency.

    If you keep going down the road of NoFap then one of two things is guaranteed to happen first - you arrive at the end or you die trying to reach it. But the worst thing you can do is stop altogether - that's a surefire guarantee you'll never succeed!

    Don't stop!
     
    Jodokus and ronswanson like this.
  2. ronswanson

    ronswanson Fapstronaut

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    This is so true, and I think the most productive use of that "everything is awesome" feeling is to build habits and routines that make it easy to continue when the feeling fades.
     
    asfixiated likes this.
  3. BlackVelvet

    BlackVelvet Fapstronaut

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    I like your concept @asfixiated the “everything is awesome" mindset could be really dangerous. It encourages complacency when we really should be building on that feeling. Reaffirmation is key as well, we have to remember why we're doing Nofap continuously.
     
    asfixiated likes this.
  4. Jodokus

    Jodokus Fapstronaut

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    The Japanese call it "three day monk".
    The awesome-trap is also a overconfident-trap. Or you could call it the "I'm a Monk"-trap :D
    So self-awareness, realistic targets and constant evaluation are important.
    In short, there's much work to do over a long long time. The 3 day monk period is just too simple. We think we are making a huge step, cause we think we will be monk from now on. But if we were honest with ourselves, we would have to admit that the 3 day monk period is just the length of time that we can be monk before we get exhausted.
    As if one would run a marathon, feeling like a champ over the first 200 meters and then stop after 300 meters. He didn't even train for the marathon!

    But to be honest, every time I relapse I recommit afterwards and think "this time I quit for good". Am I like that 300 meters-Marathoner? Partly...
    Maybe it's just too painful to admit to yourself (to believe truely) that you're not that different to "the regular guy" and that your planned Reboot will be messy and struggle of unknown length. Everytime I realise that, I just want to take consequences from that realisation and proof that I can do better.
    Well I guess that's optimism. And I agree with asfixiated, that optimism is good, since the alternative is pessimism (and realism is just an ideal for our reason and there's no feeling that constitute realism).

    So we haven't become monks. We don't quitted for good. But we have become "Fapstronauts", we commited ourselves, we work on ourselves.
    And what do monks? They have a special surroundings, withdrawn from many things that we are surrounded with, they practice meditation and devotion. And they work on themselves.
    ...

    When I write a post like this, sooner or later it turns very positive. Maybe it just reveals that I tend to positive thinking. Well I've read posts that helped me a lot that were not so positive but still motivating and held truth for me.
    I think the reason for positive thinking is motivation and not to feel good without a reason.
    That's the problem with the "Everything is Awesome"-trap. The overconfidence and the good feeling are not preparing you for the impending hard road.

    But quitting porn is not the Mount Everest. We can not die if we try!
    (Imagine you would somewhere in the snow deserts of Mount Everest and in constant life-danger, but there would be a source of porn somehow. Would you do PMO? NO! Not before you left that fuckin' Mountain :D)
    So we are careless. But when you stay a relapser like me, you soon realise how serious your addiction is, after all.
    Whatever your concept of the (sub)consciousness may be, we are doing things subconsciously ALL THE TIME. Moreover we have different "programs" we run all the times, we have learned so many different ways to behave, adapt to certain situations. Addiction just means that certain behaviours have become a burden to our personality.
    Conclusion: quitting is damn hard road.

    What does it mean to treat NoFap serious?
    If this is your question please read this:
    http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=1256.msg64262#msg64262
     

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