100 Cold Approaches

Monday I did 3 approaches. 1 number.

Today I did 10 approaches. 2 numbers. 1 date. 1 kiss.

So I guess that the height of the day was a date with a 20 year old Tunisian girl I approached last week. I was a bit overwhelmed by her beauty, but I didn't allow myself to put her on a pedestal because of that.

I did 3 escalation moves: asking about her jewellery, comparing handsizes and fake palm reading. After that the touch barrier was broken. My hand was now on her knee. At a certain point I went for the kiss. We made out a couple of times. I always made sure that I was the one who ended the kissing session, whislt subsequently leaning back. I made sure there was enough "fractionation" by striking a balance between showing interest and leaving the girl guessing.

She gave me a few shit tests though...

G: "Sometimes you answer quite slow with your texts."
SC: "I'm busy sometimes."

Not the worst answer, but maybe getting a bit defensive? Better would have been: "Yeah I know. My average response rate is 3 weeks." [I think I said this afterwards, doesn't matter].

G: "What are you thinking about?"
SC: "I imagine you painting a picture of a tree." [she said that she paints]

Maybe I could have said something more flirtatious at this point. Or something more aloof like "I'm thinking about the juicy steak I'm going to eat tonight."

We then walked out and I kissed her 2 more times in public before splitting up.

"My addiction to cold approaching stems more from it being a heist against society rather against the girl. I refuse to play by the rules." Tom Torero

That's what I like about cold approaching. You're bypassing the rules of society and expand your dating options. You go straight to the source.

84/100

 

Update for the week so far... Two days ago I did 5 approaches, 1 number. That day I also had a date with a French girl I approached a few weeks ago. I must say that I didn't feel much attraction eventually. I did go for the kiss though.

Yesterday I did 26 approaches, captured 8 numbers.

So I'm now reading a book about direct street approaches. There are a lot of intersting points I have taken note of and that I try to remind myself of when I do approaches. Some of the key notes that I've learned so far:

I. Smirk when open

Not sure if I was doing this with the approaches of last months. I remember that I always tried to suppress my smile when doing indirect approaches [smiling when asking for directions is weird lol]. I think that having that smile was because of the nerves. Yesterday I made sure that I had a slight smirk when approaching the girl, not a serious face. Whilst a smile communicates a "I'm so excited to meet you." vibe, a smirk is more about giving a "I know a secret about you." vibe. Go for the latter.

II. Have a statement of intent

This was obviously a sticking point for me for a long time. But even now my "direct' approaches sometimes lack a statement of intent. Yesterday I usually said something in the nature of "I know this is random, but I saw you walking and I thought you looked cute." After that I don't go into interview mode, but I try to ramble about something that I noticed about her.

III. Close strongly

In line with the previous point, it's also important to state intent when going for the number. This was also working point of mine, and it still can be more assertive. I need to fully own my words when I go for the number.

"Many students attempt weak Closes whereby they suggest coffee, give her their number, offer to teach her English or help with her boiler. They are apologetic and permission-seeking.

Instead, you want to make it crystal clear (both verbally and non-verbally) why you're taking her details. Thus you end the interaction on a high note. rather than trying to hide your intent, an [statement of intent] serves to remind her wat the interaction was all about [...]" Tom Torero

With my indirect approaches I used to say something like "If you want to continue this conversation another time, we can grab a coffee or something." Now I will be trying not to beat around the bush and take a more leading active role: "I have to go, but I think you're attractive. I'd like to take you out for a drink. Let's swap numbers."

IV. Break rapport/spike

A lot of my cold approaches end up in a friend-to-friend conversation where I try to find a connection with everything the girl says. Of course building rapport is essential, but it's better to balance it out with breaking rapport too. It's common as a man to have scarcity with regards to dating options, so when a man meets/talks to a woman who looks good and has a pleasant personality, he can have the tendency to over-value her by putting her on a pedestal. This communicates neediness.

The thing is that even the approaches where I tease and challenge the girl are way more rememerable than approaches where I just have a formal chit-chat. I must assume that it's also the case for the girl: she will be more likely to be impressed by your approach [i.e. being invested] if you're having a flirtatious man-to-woman conversation instead of just being a kiss-ass who agrees with everything she says.

I tried this yesterday:

G: "I work in the legal department."
SC: "Isn't that a bit boring?"

Her eyes lit up and she suddenly took a step closer, justifying herself.

V. Roleplay/accusations

This is the same idea as the previous point.

"The stories you weave shouldn't be serious, logical or filled with boring dry facts. Attraction is more about the playful push than building rapport through commonalitites." Tom Torero

Yesterday I approached an Italian girl who was carrying a package. I accused her for hustling packages for the Mafia. She was playing along. Girls seem to like it. After taking her number, I said "Let's keep this omerta."

100/100
15/100

 

I can write some updates...

Saturday: 12 approaches, 2 numbers. [solo daygame]

Sunday: 11 approaches, 1 date, 1 i-date [solo daygame]

Tuesday: 12 approaches, 3 numbers

I have too much to write about but I'm quite tired now. The climax of it all was Sunday and Monday I guess. I had a date with a cute Palestinian girl. But I had to let the train crash by trying to seduce her/make moves until the point of realizing it was all in vain. Afterwards I approached a French girl [sorry Spirituss!] directly in a supermarket. She's originally from Cambodia. Bounced her to a bar for an i-date. Kissed her there. I wanted to take her to another bar but then she says that she's too old for me. She's actually 39 years old... but when I approached [and until she revealed her age] I thought she was in her 20's [Asian women tend to look more young than they really are]. So we split up. Anyway, next day she texts me she would like to get a drink. I invite her to my place. We start to watch a movie and end up having sex. We met up again yesterday.

I have some good numbers from daygame of previous week. Two Italian girls who seem keen to meet me, but I'm leaving for Morocco tomorrow. Not sure if that country will be a receptive country for daygame lol.

50/100

 

2 approaches. 1 date

So I had a date today with a Belgian girl who is from the French speaking part. I approached her a few weeks ago before I went to Morocco and I texted her a bit whilst I was on my trip. Arguably one of the cutest girls I've had a date with this year.

We go to a bar. There doesn't seem to be much place in the bar. We sit down at a higher table with high chairs. After a while I see that a better table becomes free. I suggest sitting there. When I leave my chair, the chair falls on the ground and my wallet jumps into the air... all the coins of my wallet literally explode across the table, attracting the attention of the whole bar. The girl and I are then collecting my coins on the ground. Not an ideal way to start a date I thought... But it was okay. I guess these things are only a problem if you interpret it like that. I guess that doing things like push-ups in public has made it easier for me to deal with anxiety-provoking situations like this. So I decided not to catastrophize this in my head, hold the frame and act like nothing happened.

We then sit at a better table. At a certain point I decided to sit next to her under the pretense of "not hearing her well" [which was actually true]. I take her hand and inquire about her lack of jewelery. I ask her if she plays an instrument and we compare hand sizes. My hand is on her knee, and she doesn't back off. At a certain point I go for the kiss, but she declines and says it's too fast. I say that I understand and I used Torero's line of "It's my job to try, it's your job to resist."

At a certain point she asked me the usual question which girls use often to "test your frame":

G: "Do you approach girls a lot on the street?"
SC: No, you were the first one... in that 10 minutes."

The point is to not get defensive. She laughs and says it's good that I approach.

Afterwards we walk a bit in the city. I guess I could have tried to take her to another bar, but I'm not sure if I really had the energy for that. When we walk towards the Grand Place, I tell her "I know you probably expect me to kiss you at the big Christmas tree there, but I think it would be a bit too much." The idea behind this was to be the "Parody Chode" by subtly "mocking outdated courtship rituals and making fun of the needy sickly-sweet Disney Romance lore that other guys live by." [Tom Torero]. When I walked her to the train station, I did the "strawberry fields" game, where I bring her to an imaginary situation of going over a fence of a strawberry field and ask her things like how many strawberries she would steal and if she would feel guilty. She really liked this game.

So I don't really care what the outcome is of this date. I took the risk by getting out of my way to make things man-to-woman. If I think back of the dates I went on during the spring earlier this year, then I realize a lot of these dates had a friend-to-friend vibe. It's also unrealistic to think that things have to go your way all the time, so it's perfectly fine for me if this is another date that leads to a road to nowhere.

Before the date I did 2 approaches. One of them was a warm approach where the girl made eye contact, broke it and made eye contact again. I simply had to run after the girl. Next time, I want to 'call her out' for making eye contact. I got her number but it seems that I forgot to save it. That's okay.

During my trip in Morocco I didn't really do approaches there. I think I did 3 indirect approaches that are worth counting. I missed some good opportunities for a warm approach though...

55/100

 

Some updates.

Last Friday

12 approaches. 3 numbers.

Monday

2 approaches, 2 i-dates.

Crazy to think how I received multiple severe blow-outs in a row during my session of Friday to the point where I was even questioning myself lol... And then Monday I did 2 approaches and I end up having a same day drink with both girls.

The instant dates on Monday were with a Ukrainian girl and a Mexican girl. I just had a coffee with the Ukrainian girl. With the Mexican girl I went to a coffee shop first, and a bar afterwards. There was a bit of touching but she rejected my kiss attempt.

Tueday

1 approach, 1 date.

I had a date with a 19 year old Colombian girl I approached on Friday. I went to two bars with her.

Wednesday

1 date. 1 kiss. 7 approaches. 1 number

I had a date with another girl I approached last Friday. I went to a bar with her, then a lounge bar where we had a shisa.

Thursday

1 date.

A date with a Ukrainian girl I approached in November.

So it's been quite of an intense week with regards to dating. I don't really have much impetus to write about these dates in detail. Some of these dates hold great stories and lessons in them, but at this point I'm just absorbing the experience and jotting "my stats" down. My attention span isn't optimal these days either...

2022 was a pretty cool year, I learned a lot. I went on dates with 26 different women who I met through cold approaching. I changed my approach style by being more direct. I'm actually closing a chapter now because I will start a job abroad next week. During the last months I approached pretty intensively, but I'm also glad to start working and build my life on other aspects. It was a nice period to have no obligations and go on dates frequently, but I guess that the chickens need to come home to roost.

77/100

 

So, it's time for my first post of 2023 in this thread.

Since January, I have been working and living in Luxembourg. Until now, I haven't been able to replicate/sustain my [pretty intense] daygame habit of September-December of last year. I tend to work long hours and I have found that the approach anxiety and weasels crept back up when seeing opportunities. It's not a big city, but there are a lot of expats living here, which makes it pretty easy to meet new people. I think that the fact that this country is pretty business-orientated, might increase the desire for girls to meet a man during the day.

That being said, I have some stories to share. Although I haven't kept track of the amount of approaches I did during the last 2 months, I can easily say that this round of 100 approaches is finished.

I have done some incidental indirect approaches, i.e. conversational openers where I ask girls for information. During two weekends, I went to a French and German city with a friend and I did some cold approaching in both cities, getting pretty good reactions in France especially.

As for dates, I have had two here until now. One of them was with a woman from Uruguay in her 40's. I talked to her in a Brazilian shop, asking something simple. The other date was with an Italian girl who I approached during the night, when I was a bit drunk. I was outside with other people and she passed by. I stopped her, saying that I noticed that she has a relaxed walk. I thought she was a "yes" because she was very responsive in her texts and she even suggested to have a drink. The date with her went well, ending with a kiss. But she eventually fell of the radar and stopped replying. Sure, it's frustrating when this happens [it's not the first time]. Accept that there will be wins and losses in this game. Expecting that every girl you have a date with should get intimate with you - now that is an unrealistic attitude. It would also be hypocritical, because I stopped replying to the Uruguayan woman.

This weekend has been quite episodic...

Friday, one of my cohousers invited her friends for a pre-drink in the kitchen. I joined the crowd, played some beerpong, had chats with people, etc. I "warm" approached one of her friends, a cute girl from Ecuador. We started chatting and she really gets out of her way to invest. At a certain point, I decide to fractionate the attention by excusing myself to talk with other people. Yes, girls like attention and you have to show interest, but I think it's also important to communicate that the girl you talk to isn't the centre of your universe, even if you are interested. Later during the pre-drink, I talked with another friend of my cohouser, a girl from Hong Kong.

When we walked towards the club, I talked to the girl from Ecuador again. She said the following:

"So, apparently you have a bit of a reputation. Three girls tonight said to me that I shouldn't be talking with you. They said that you talk to every girl."

Here is the context: last weekend, the cohouser invited people for a predrink too. I talked/flirted with one of her friends, an Italian girl. But throughout the night, my levels of intoxication reached a point where I couldn't talk and intereact with people effectively and in a calibrated way. So I think I gave up on the seduction eventually, even though she initially showed some interest. She then kissed one of my male cohousers later in the club. I remember I had a pretty negative emotional reaction from this during the night, but it's a product of irrational distorted thinking ultimately. This Italian girl and other friends were on the pre-drink again, and she must have "warned" the girl from Ecuador that I flirt.

But this idea of a "reputation" didn't work in my disadvantage. If anything, I think it increased attraction in the eyes of the girl from Ecuador. I was playful about it and said "Yeah, I talk to every girl I cross paths with... Can you imagine that, a man talking to people?" And she playfully admitted the silliness of being labeled as a player just because you talk with people during a social event.

We want to go a certain club, but we can't enter because one of the people of our group is too drunk. The girl from Ecuador is already in the club with one of her friends. We go to another club, I didn't drink too much so that I remain conscious about the actions and words that come out of my mouth. I dance/grind a bit with the girl from Hong Kong, but I get cockblocked by one of her friends. Later during the night, the girl from Ecuador joins too. I wait for a right moment to talk with her again. I had to overcome some distorted self-defeating weasels like "she probably has lost interest" etc. I decide to go up to her again, and she immediatly suggests to dance together. For at least half an hour, we dance intensively. She grinds her body against mine in a very sexual way. Very hot. I tried to kiss her but she doesn't allow me. I had the same experience during dates with girls from Colombia and Venezuela in Belgium. They touch you and you can touch them, but they don't let you kiss them easily.

Eventually, I did kiss her. Suddenly the girl from Hong Kong is so drunk that she has to go outside to recover. That situation becomes the main point of attention and all her friends go there to help, including my Latina flame. At that point, I thought about what course of action would be dictated by a masculine archetype. It felt a bit off to stay there aimlessly in the hope to score. As it was already late, I decided to go home to catch some sleep. I guess that my only regret is that I didn't go for her number. Also a bit cold from me to go home without saying bye to the girl.

I also had plans Saturday night. I had dinner with friends. It was with new people who are friends of a buddy of mine. I sat opposite of a very attractive girl from France. I talked with her during the dinner, creating comfort. After dinner, the group takes a bus to go to a club. I was pretty drunk and I remember approaching a group of girls on the bus. I asked one of the girls why she printed a ticket in colors, and it worked. The French girl might have taken notice of this [pre-selection].

We go to a certain club/bar to dance. I have a big black hole in my memory about the night, but I remember staying with the other people after my real friends left. The group then went to another club, I joined. It was full apparently, and I subsequently go to the French girl's appartement with her. I have absolutely no clue how I ended up there [next morning she told me I said I needed to use the bathroom]. However, we didn't make love. It was a clear no. Maybe because I was too drunk? When I woke up in the morning I had honestly no idea where I was, being quite surprised to wake up next to a hot girl. I tried to escalate it into sex again in the morning, but she wasn't up for it. However, we kissed. I didn't ask for her number, a regret [same for Friday night]. I have this assumption that a number from girls you meet during the night must be super flakey. But is this actually true? The only way to find out is to actually try and test the "can'ts". Oh well, focus on the positives. Live and learn.

So, although I have been experiencing mental barriers to establish a cold approach habit here, I can't really complain about the experiences I have had so far... I totally realize that if I want to meet girls here, I need to cold approach on a consistent basis. You have to make things happen and push the boulder up the hill. If you don't do that, then you don't have any reasons to complain about the lack of female contact in your life.

I will start a new cold approach set and keep more track of the amount of approaches. This might reinforce the idea that, ultimately, this is a number's game.

100/100