Where does one draw the line of morality for certain fetishes?

Since you are asking about morality, where does morality come from? I believe if there is not one singular authority of morality, then it doesn’t really exist. I do believe there is such an authority. I also believe that when this authority is followed in all areas of life, not just sex, the benefits are evident.

I have suffered from something similar to you. I’m not completely out of the woods yet but I have hope.

A very powerful concept that I recently began to meditate on is honor. I have fixated upon this concept because the Bible connects honor and dishonor to sexual morality in several places. It says sexual perversion is “dishonoring your own body”. It also says “the marriage bed is honorable”.

So sex can be an honorable or dishonorable thing depending on the context. You need somewhere to start on your path. I believe that place may be deciding once and for all if honor is more important to you than gratification. Meditate on that question.

One of my favorite books is “yesterdays heroes”. It’s a collection of WW2 Medal of Honor winners.

Here’s the thing. The Bible says that when God made man, he “crowned him with honor”. That is, Gods design for you is to possess honor. His design for you is not this place in your mind that you go when you view sexual perversion.


Just some thoughts.

 

Humiliation addiction comes from a deep lack of self esteem. It “clicks” with your core belief about yourself. Your brain how found something to fixate on to sort of justify how you feel about yourself and it’s a self contained cycle now. You feel bad about yourself because you look at it and you look at it because you feel bad about yourself.

I got messed up into IR stuff. It probably isn’t that messed up to some people but it is super messed up to me. If it didn’t make me feel so bad about myself I wouldn’t look at it.

I’m not even talking about being super “masculine”. I’m really talking about self worth. Somehow your self worth is broken. Thats really the foundation of addiction.

It’s best to simplify it. The Bible says the only honorable context of sex is marriage. That’s one man and one woman in a bed. Anything outside of that is wrong.

Ask yourself if you never looked at pornography, and you got married to one woman, the only woman you ever saw naked or sexualized or had sex with period, and that’s all sex was to you, just that one woman your whole life…. Would you be thinking about ANY of this crazy fetish stuff? Hell no! You got it from images on the internet. Maybe one day you find out you like it when your wife pinches your nipples or something, but that’s about it.

In essence it’s like sex is a strawberry. Naturally sweet. What you are fixated on is like this candy chemically engineered in a lab, so sweet a strawberry can’t compare to it. And then that candy starts competing with 1000 other candies to try to be the best one and make people’s brains not be able to live without it.

All that after God just designed you to like strawberries. You gotta detox from the chemically engineered crap. That stuff itches a scratch in your brain. The strawberry is actually natural and is just the right amount of sweet. Exactly what your brain was designed to handle and still function in other areas of life.

 

It feels like your true nature because you have identified yourself with it.
But does it really define who you are?

I have not much with science, but I love truth. Find out the truth about yourself, your fetish and sexuality.
By finding truth and insights I eliminated some very powerful fetishes. Humiliation, feminization, crossdress and so on.
It's all gone now. Yes, gone.
I dismantled and eliminated my fetishes.

Check out my journal as I took some serious time to write down my insights there.

 

To confirm what's been said here already, I think my fetishes came from a pre-porn lack of self worth that latched happily onto the stuff that's offered up in porn. After that it was just escalation as the addict in me became jaded with one thing and looked for something stronger to give him that good hit. In that sense, it's natural - natural that you get sucked into stronger and stronger humiliation. The cure is honour, yes. The knowledge that you're worthy of respect and strong enough to turn your back on anything that diminishes you. I didn't manage to form a satisfying relationship with a woman until I was quite sure I can do without one. It's tough, but we have to win our psychological independence from women before we can give them the kind of love they'll respect us for, and NoFap is a good tool to that end. Ps I don't think size matters, not when you're dealing with a decent person.

 

The truth is ....
When you 'll find out the truth behind you fetishes, that you are NOT that thing.

Check out my journal, and read the post about distractions. (See the table of contents on the 1st page).
I think you can relate to it.

 

You're already paying the maximum toll for running away and avoiding the truth... even if you came to truly accept that you and your fetish were identical, you'd be in a better position. And, I agree with Roady, that's the least likely outcome... it's more likely you're feeling demasculated because you're fleeing your truth and the related emotions.

Your title question isn't only asking for morality, but for a line. You sense that you need healthy boundaries for yourself. Some people refer to common morality, some to religion, when it comes to defining their own personal boundaries, and that can be helpful. Only at the end of the day, it has to be a boundary that suits and protects you. So you need to get to know yourself, and what is good and what is harmful for your soul. Call it honour, self-worth or (as my teacher) 'warrior energy' - you (noone else will do that for you) have to actively take the responsibility to draw and defend your lines. Doing so is contributing to a healthy masculine identity.

 

By the way the first line I'd establish for myself was to never ever again think of my penis as of a 'below average tool'. It's an awesome body part of you and I that deserves to be honoured and identified with and looked at with pride, no matter how it looks. It isn't an external 'tool' like a hammer or a screwdriver that you throw away or complain about if you feel you can't make use of it...

By definition, half of the male population in the world is 'below average', in many ways, and it doesn't even matter.

This is not your truth, and it's not the root cause of your fear of women ... it's a projection and an excuse.

 

Size matters to

The choice is yours. Give up and tell yourself it’s what you are and it’s what you’ll be. Fight it and you’re not. Either way is going to make you suffer. An obese guy can’t blame ham sandwiches or say being fat is “just who he is”. It’s just an excuse to not endure the suffering that self discipline causes.

Addiction is a brain problem and requires some knowledge to undo its noose, but when it boils down to it, the key is discipline. I think where people fail is thinking discipline just happens in a moment, or thinking their recovery is just going to be straight up like a rocket.

No…. If you decide to stop looking at this shit RIGHT NOW you are most likely going to look at it many more times before you are finally 100% done. The issue is what direction are you headed. That is a moment to moment decision. “It’s just who I am” is just an excuse.

 

Excellent thoughts.

 

Humiliation is "moral". If you get off to a girl stomping your balls or calling you a wimp as she's jerking you off then you do you man.

Cuckolding isn't. It can ruin marriages and relationships if you even allow it to come into a relationship wtih a girl.

I would advise mental help for OCD and quitting porn. Also make sure to hit the gym and start getting big. Try to be more traditionally masculine. Hell, even check your testosterone levels if you want to.

 

Trust me. Your fundamental truth is that you are the Observer. Everything else is attachments you develop or have given to you. Just because it happens in your mind doesn't mean it's you. You are the one who observes it and than chooses what to do with that observation.

 

The prevailing cultural opinion is it's ok because it's not hurting anybody else, but you seem to indicate that it is distressing to you. This is the key. P and IRL fetishes can be damaging to your self esteem. Your fears about your endowment and the attitudes of women aren't based on how the majority of women actually think, but are based on reading fetish scenarios. Some of these stories may be pure fiction, but those that are true represent a minority of women. Don't read anymore of the stories. Reading erotic stories is definitely a P-sub and will hinder your reboot. Your confusion is caused by the sexual pleasure that's connected to the idea. Feeling emasculated and beta is clearly upsetting you. You must separate the sexual aspect and work on your self esteem and OCD. (If you have mental health problems you should seek professional help.)

 

IMHO the fact that you're asking about it proves that it bothers you. Since the prevailing culture is accepting of your fetish, you should be happy about it, but you're seeking answers because of the psychological harm that it's doing to you. I sincerely hope that you seek professional help for the symptoms of OCD. No amount of reassurance on an internet forum will treat mental health issues.

 

Hello. I have similar problems. I'm sure the root of your problems is an inferiority complex. Maybe you got it due to some kind of childhood trauma (in my case it was a painful circumcision when I was 2) If you have it try to find the event that caused you to get it, keep a diary, practice meditation, find a therapist or something else. And remember porn is fake, you definitely don't need a giant penis to please a girl, it will only get in the way