Abstain from sex

Have you spoken with your therapist about the why and how and what the benefits would hopefully be? What is your own motivation?

 

talk to a priest or even a pastor. sex between a married couple is even a moral duty known as the carnal debt. therapists should not interfere.

 

This is a toxic concept that legitimizes rape within marriage. Besides it prevents men from growing up and gaining emotional independence of women meeting all their (sexual) needs.

 

That’s not a bad idea I don’t think. Me and my wife did that for a month of our own accord, just to try to re-create the kind of thing we had going before we got married, that intense passion and desire without getting to have sex, and trying to set up more pure and childlike innocence in our marriage. It was a good month. I also generally abstain from releasing during sex which allows me to gain the benefits of semen retention while still having a marriage relationship.

 

you are ignorant of catholicism. it is WOMAN who are owed the carnal debt. a male married, celibate, is at fault for not giving his wife the carnal pleasure.

 

Thanks for clarification, it's always good to know the source of reference if someone proclaims a 'moral duty'.

As I've said, invasive husbands perpetuate this smart concept, they're just paying off their carnal debts to their wife, and it's legitimized by the church.

Me personally, I prefer that priests don't interfere with professional therapy.

 

Do you recognize the things that trigger you into looking for cam to cam, or sexting partners?
What steps are you taking to avoid your triggers?
You can still be emotionally intimate with your wife.
What is your end goal?

 

My therapist advised 90 days. I was against it at first, as it felt like I was being punished for my husbands porn addiction. Around 4-6 months working recovery my husband and I decided to go ahead and try. It helped him a lot. In fact, sex made staying clean harder because of the chaser. He’s now 4 years into recovery, 2 years clean ( total of almost 3 years but he relapsed a year into recovery). It was one of the better things we did for his recovery.

 

It’s good that you’ve got the support of a therapist and wife. And you are getting healthy sex with someone you love. Does your wife know you struggle with porn? I’m not saying tell her about all your secrets it’s just a question, if she does and wants to help. Then that’s amazing and between you her and your therapist work out an action plan. It would make it a lot easier for yourself if you had adult content blockers on your devices if you’ll need someone to make up a couple of passwords and hold you accountable

 

So he abstained from orgasm all together for 90 days?

 

Yes, at 52 days we had sex( I couldn’t stand to wait) he did karrezza ( no orgasm) then another 50. We literally just went through another 90 day no sex fast ( lots of stress in our life so no sex is safer for him) and had zero sex. This time was easier for me because my sex drive has vanished and for him because he hasn’t used porn or masturbated in 2 years.

 

I'm continuously amazed at your husband's achievement, by your hard work and envious of how you've helped him to not masturbate for two years - WOW!
I'm currently just past two years without porn (with two brief slips) but masturbation is my achilles heel and the chasers from having orgasms during sex absolutely comes with a chaser effect. Currently at 2 months without masturbation and trying to reprogram myself to associate orgasms with PIV sex and only with PIV sex.

 

It’s all his hard work. He has literally changed his life, his focus, just everything. One of his greatest epiphanies in changing his mindset was when I pointed out the lie “ men need to masturbate”. That if my horse was literally trained to control himself around mares, then a freaking man can control himself. He has sacrificed time and money to get counseling, go to group, get rid of our computer, no internet access on his phone, tv is greatly restricted to pg streaming sites. He’s done emdr, neurofeedback, cbt therapy, medication for depression, retired early because of the stress, he has rearranged his life to support his recovery. 4 years of working recovery, but only 2 years of being clean. Not much in reality, given how much time has been lost to the addiction. He went through some very traumatic things that put him on the road to recovery. In truth, I’ve been as much a help as a hindrance. I will point out the lies he believes, I also keep him accountable, he knows if I think he’s lying I’ll ask for a polygraph. He also knows that I’m still not sure if I’m willing to stay married. But the biggest incentive is the fact that the kids are starting to actually want to be around him. His relationship with all of them has changed for the better. He’s a much better person, but he has had to work very hard and make a lot of sacrifices. Ps-he also has a struggle with chasers after sex, so we “ manage” sex.

 

Give yourself some credit too. He’s very lucky to have your support

 

I found that complete abstinence got too distracting. And tried for 2 years with a couple of therapists trying this approach. The build up made it a bigger high and if I was going to fail my mission then destructive sex was the way to go and punish my lack of worth, I even took a load of drgs to intensify the experience on a f it moment before calling ts escorts but overdosed and had to call an ambulance. Masterbation on it’s own just seems depleting though. I’m dealing with adhd and maybe bpd symptoms and feel its more of a hypersexuality from mental health rather than just an addiction. But also it had escalated massively. Im working at find a partner and am push forward very hard and trying everything out there. It just gets very tiring doing it alone