Oasis of Peace

Day 154
6pm

Spoiler: Sex

Om so otter likes to have sex with swearing and dirty talk. She maybe didn’t know she likes it but it’s pretty apparent she’s into that. I didn’t really swear like at all before I dated her. So it’s an adjustment to be doing that now. But it makes the sex good for both of us so I’m going to keep trying to do it. I can turn it off if it gets to be too much or on if it feels like it’ll help . It’s kinda hard to go from being hardcore Christian to swearing at appropriate times

Ah crap I miss her already. I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder. I just wanna live with her come the end of may. About three more months

I better make and some some money! Agh. It’s interesting to me that outside the bedroom I’ve become much more good thanks to otters influence. More responsible, hardworking and taking better care of my health. I even single task things to give them my full attention now

but then in the bedroom I’m like, way more Om ommmmmmm ???? Do the sexy things that makes us more into it because we want sex. Love and swearing apparently make sex happen more often when used at the right times (@-@)

Hoo well I save a lottt more money since this gf. So that’s good. My memberships are low price and few. My foods inexpensive. So I guess I don’t have to worry. My only addiction is eating the Chinese cough candies. They’re so bomb

I love eating them and watching tv or doing whatever. And they aren’t unhealthy so it doesn’t really matter if I eat one a day. Just not too many. Can’t be spending on that. Gonna buy some off Amazon now and get my friend an ecchi towel for his birthday

I missed the party. What a lame happenstance. I’ve just been tired and stuff. It’s good I didn’t push myself. That would’ve been a wild party all day and I’d be spent. Kinda would make me wanna drink socially but I can’t do that I’ll get crazy again like I was before sobriety .

that was a fun blurry ten years where I didn’t do anything with my life. Then felt like crap about myself when I sobered up and realized everyone else was years ahead in their careers and lives

oh well.

there’s so much good anime out there. I like get overwhelmed when I look at it sometimes. But as long as I focus on one anime at a time. I can grind through them and it’s good

I just watch it in my spare time. When my eyes get tired i oh yeah I close my eyes for the intro and outro songs . That way they get rest and I can marathon that shit without getting tired. I’m still apprehensive about swearing outside of sex…..I dunno ‍♂️ shrugs . One step at a time. Just do it during sex. Other than that isn’t important for now

 

I'm a wild one.

I know this because I crave intensity. I think all of us addicts do. We want it more than normies. But I can say that when I manage to just fall into a healthy regular routine. I start to desire that instead. I start to like good habits. Like eating healthy, spiritual practice, sleeping early and reading books that foster growth.

Darn it......gotta sleep. Gotta get up at like 730 tomorrow. I've constructed a mental prison of approved and unapproved things that I'm allowed to do. It's worked as this comfort zone has slowly grown over time.

But it's reached that point where I'm railing against the bars of this cage of anxiety. I'm demanding that the comfort zone grow. One thing at time here man. Let's just pick one thing that I'll do to grow my comfort zone. . . I've got to get comfortable with going to bed like on time. . . More on time. Hmmm how can I do that?

I've got to put more energy into it. I'm going to need to allocate more energy points into dragging my butt into bed at night.

Also IDK about my other thread on here it's kinda weird to talk about that stuff at such length it's just awkward for me to be like focused on fitness like that....and talking about it. IDK......can I hide that thread without deleting?

Guess not.

I know I spend too much time on here and stay up too late but. It's kinda part of my social support. I have friends that I call and hang with now. But I'm not gonna call like them everyday weekdays. I like the little social aspect I get from this on the daily

Alright. My best idea right now is to put effort in to get into bed every hour on the hour starting with 9pm

Then every hour after 9pm I'll just keep checking the time and trying t oget into bed at 9-10-11-12 (hopefully not longer than 12). Etc.

In doing this I'll observe my behavior scientifically and assess as to how to best get myself into bed by 9 every night with the best result and least effort.

 

Day 154 Mindfulness 8/8

Gotta get some post it notes and some free used books to donate to the little free library I see.

Got a good nights sleep and I'm back. Reset to my normal schedule after having a little too much fun on the weekend haha

I'm excited to do my projects now that I don't have to use my free time to study. Also I'm putting a cloth over my TV during the week. Saving TV as a treat for the weekend. It's become kinda dull and boring to just do it all the time. So it'll make everything better to do it this way.

I'll try to continue walking at home while listening to audiobooks when the weather is too much. I think walking's a really good form of cardio that's less intense.

I'm gonna be doing it for a while I hope

 

Day 155

I was definitely off my rocker yesterday night. I think I'd just been up too late and also it was new for me to write a new thread.

I completed writing my first book today. It's a 4000 word short guide on fitness. It includes full body strength training workout daily/weekly routines, how to customize your own workouts and all the basics of being healthy exercise/diet wise.

Yup. Very good. Can't wait to send it to people. Hope it helps.

Other than that I do kinda miss working out at home now that I have been going to the gym. It was like cooler to be doing bodyweight stuff than the weights stuff. Although I definitely think that the weights make my body grow bigger muscles than pure bodyweight calisthenics. Been feeling kinda tired and spacey. I'm trying.

Gonna get off work and watch tv. Probably email otter now.

 

9pm

Phew, I ate some Thai Curry I got premade from costco. Feeling better after that with brown rice. All microwavable haha. So much easier. I realized that I tried to swear this past weekend and that kinda hurt me somehow.

I know from a secular and scientific perspective swearing is ok or even good. However, I don't enjoy doing it. Spiritually speaking it's to be abstained from a Muslim or Christian perspective. Buddha doesn't talk much about swearing. His main focus was on practicing mindfulness, doing the right things and avoiding lying, killing, stealing, rape and substances. Anything that caused one to break these 5 precepts needed to be moderated or gotten rid of.

Hm.

Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress is amazing please watch it if you haven't already. > On Crunchyroll

Yeah I'm doing better now. I'm good. I got, time tomorrow. Time to workout in the morning. Calisthenics day. I'll do my Zenitsu workout at home. It focuses glutes calves triceps. While the Tanjiro workout focuses on Biceps quads and neck. Yes I train neck it's a good thing.

I gotta like stay inside. It's been too cold to be walking around like I have been. Gotta only go out if it's at least 50 degress. Less than that is really no good. I have these books. I feel guilty not reading. I'll just put away all but one then I can feel less guilty

The one I kept out is the Samyutta Nikaya Buddha's Discourse Dharma. Very good to read the books written by Buddha imho.

Sleepy sleep. Sleep sleeeeeepppppp

 

Okay, I feel better now that I deleted my other thread. I made my fitness book as accessible as possible to people. I can still make it easier. Alright I made it more scalable. cool. I wonder how I can help people with that ebook now.

I don't feel comfortable just like making it public. That sounds stressful. Maybe later I can try after like a lot of friends read it and say it's good. Then agree to leave me good reviews for it on amazon haha

 

thanks for the comment I've sworn so little the past decade I don't feel like doing it even when I try to , it makes me feel tired haha.

 

I'm tired these days. I'm just not going to do any exercise besides light walking and stretching inside.

I cut my workout down to 5 exercises. So I guess I'll just do those to make it less tiring. And also yoga on a different day for 2-4 days a week depending on if I'm tired. So I'll still push myself to exercise 2 days a week for those smaller workouts even if I am feeling kinda beat. Which isn't much

 

Day 156

Cool. The sleeping pills have been having side effects. So I'm doing my best to get off them. It can be challenging, but it's worth it. I just can't do it with the pills right now. The first two months were good then I started getting side effects.

I'm doing better at getting to bed early so that's good. I need to stay mindful not to share too much with my family as I don't always like to hear their feedback and opinions on what I share with them. Being quiet and listening goes a lot better for me. If I feel like I need to say something I'll just journal on my phone instead. That always helps me put things in perspective and return to my baseline of being quiet and listening. Or even just being quiet if the listening part isn't happening.

I'm putting in an hour a day towards my license application until it's done. I'll keep trying whenever there's free time to do it in till I've gotten an hour in.

Also I'm doing better at eating breakfast and drinking water which is also good. I'm doing just one day a week at the gym. The rest is at home exercise. This way reduces the cons of the gym and increases the pros for me.

 

Day 158

Moving right along. Been regular with my 7 minutes+ of minfulness a day in the morning. It's essential to do it in the morning before I get excited about doing other things.

I'm checking things off my application list one at a time. Almost there! Almost there! I will complete this application, send it out and get approved for my triple license ASAP!!!!!

Then I'm gonna go eat hot pot buffet with my girlfriend

Also I'm back in the gym and it's exciting. For the first time in my life I feel like I have control over moderation in all areas of life. Not just abstinence, but I'm able to moderate. If I'm really tired I'll only go to the gym once a week. If I'm feeling energetic I'll do a couple days. No more than two necessary. The other 1-2 days I'll train at home. Maybe get some deep stretching in. I like working on my splits stretches even if I never get to the full split I'll enjoy it. I really think I can get there though as I've been getting deeper and can almost touch my head to the ground during a wide leg forward fold wehm I'm warmed up

Alright. I've written two 10 page books on getting a girlfriend and fitness including strength, cardio, stretching, nutrition, sleep and philosophy. I think I'll write a brief book that includes how to build good habits, how to accomplish goals and increase discipline in any area of life. It'll also include my thoughts on how to prevent bad habits or addictions. How to practice abstinence, moderation and assess how bad your problem is in a scale that goes in levels from alcoholic to well functioning person. And beyondddd~

 

Day 159

I’m alright. I’m gonna try to eat more sattvic foods. Low acidity and spice level. The rajasic food I like the taste but it sometimes gets me in the tummy

Gonna go watch the ufc fight with friends. This is a big improvement from watching it alone for longer than intended. Just save it for when I go out.

I’ll see cass tomorrow. Drop by there around 11. Planning a workout:

walk
psoas stretch

(maybe wall handstand)
lunge
Calf raise
Push up
Pull up
Curl
Superman
Sit up

psoas stretch
surya namaskar (Sun salutation) and or full body stretch

those stretch’s make me feel nice and sleepy. I like the stretch.

no rowing for now. Break till April

Im just doing one form of exercise now. I figured if I chose one it’d be strength training. Still do lil yoga and cardio but that’s not the main ingredient. I’m no CrossFit competition level athlete

one hour rows and yoga flows are prob not happening. Short ones and deep stretch can

I have an ability to enjoy things. Really be enamored with and impassioned by them. Its many I can love. But it’s few I can keep.

just a few people exercises tv genre and book genre

that’s ok. Finding what is good for me. What I can maintain and sustain. I find myself. I know who I am in what I choose to do. The same things building consistency create a consistent me

consistently good kind loving

this is what I want to be to keep moving towards

without ceasing and without straining

 

Day 161

guelgle gurgle grogu

I like water and money is good to have a lot of. So, maybe I can workcation. Ah? Heeeeee

maybe mom will buy me a vacation that’s a lot of moolah

Ommmmmmmmm
Mmm wish I had more money so I can go vacation with Otter murrrrrrrrr cat meow

Yoga

tomorrow

okay

that subway sandwich was so like the avocado was too much

I think I want some steak

or pork

let’s get Korean food

yah

ommm I want lots of time with Otter tho absence makes the heart grow fonder

 

Thank you. Makes me feel more succesfful

 

Day 162

One day you will see that the bright lights shine on me and the dark side will disappear and I'll shine like a star - Flora Cash

I missed being on here.

So sleepy wowo. Hoo.

Buddha help me email what I need to to my supervisors today please. That's all I want to do. I need like a nap or something IDK.

I used my metal straw today. It helped me drink a gallon of water with ease. When usually I struggle to do a half gallon. 132oz = gal ...no...164?

It's 128. That means I drank over a gallon. Wow nice. I wanna talk to Korra. But, I'm still feeling like poop. Murr. So sleepy today. Hah I still want to workout even when I'm tired though. Probably do some curls and push ups. Maybe some dumbbell raises. definitely not in the mood for a wall handstand.

One breath at a time

Let's take this slow and gentle



That mindfulness day counter really worked. I only kept track for 8 days and I've been keeping the habit ever since.

Gonna track a sleep one now.

In bed by 930pm 0/0

 

It's 914pm. I've got 16 minutes to get to bed.

I'm watching the how heavy are the dumbbells you life? Anime.

It's pretty good. And highly educational on the subject of bodybuilding. Much more to my liking than all the live action stuff on bodybuilding. Yea. So, so. I got to workout today some after yoga. Urgh. I just wish I could somehow get stronger faster without PEDs. Even creatine is not to my liking since it makes you go to the bathroom more often. I already do that enough lol.

Well. Guess I'll just keep trying. Can't do it everyday, but every other day is nice. I got my bikram flow in today which was great. I'm feeling rested and rejuvenated from that.

Glad I'm feeling better. I was really just scraping by for a few days there. Hooray I booked a vacation with Cassidy. Yeah! Great

We're gonna hangout near the water and big forest for four days. Spending time in nature in a secluded vrbo.com rental will be fun

Muscle muscle muscle muscle muscle. lalalalalalala

Slow controlled reps don't lock out your body on them. Don't use momentum. Okay. Om. Ok. ....within reason? heheh.

Now I wanna workout more to apply the tips from the anime. Gotta wait a good 18 hours or so. Tomorrow will go by fast though. I'll, take a walk if it's nice out. I desperately need to go grocery shopping. There's legit just yogurt eggs some frozen berries and one piece of turkey bacon in the fridge.

I don't have any fresh fruit veggies or raw meat. Shoot. I can still make PB AND J tho. So I'll have to eat that ....shoot. I'll go to the grocery tomorrow nigth after work . It's a must at this point. .... no matter what. Naruto mode. I'll do it...........

ommmmmm. Fluh.

Kinda wish I was on creatine. How bad does it really make you pee anyway?

Screw it I'm gonna buy some and micro dose it. 3 grams a day with no loading. That will probably prevent stretch marks and be sustainable. There are no negative effects of creatine based on studies aside from needing to pee more often and also it can make your face bloat sometimes which is a drag cuz then you aren't as cut looking. But it's such a small amount it should be less negative and some positive still.

Must....train....insaiyan.


Muscle muscle muscle muscle muscle. lalalalalalala

Spoiler: anime people swimsuit

 

after looking at the creatine online I remembered how it like I trained too hard on it and was exhausted. Enhhhhh. I already kind of do that sometimes without it. Not entirely sure I wanna do this thing. I wussed out lol.

Yeahhh maybe not for now maybe never eh. I can still get stronger without having to do creatine even if it takes longer. I guess I ahve time.

 

Day 162
bedtime 1/1 exactly 930pm haha counts

Okay I sacked up and bought the creatine monohydrate blue raspberry nutricost version.

*blows raspberry*

I'm planning to just do a mix of strength and yoga 3-4 days a week. They were doing 5 days in the anime. I don't really feel like going that often though. Then I wouldn't have time like I did today to like do breathing exercises and just lay in bed then eat breakfast and type on here. I should probably walk about a bit huh. Enh okay fine. walk achieved

Okay so, I am zenyogi. Let's get buff and flexible. Haha. The metal straw in the water bottle method's workign great. So this is a 32oz nalgene bottle. Times three is 96 times 4 = 128oz. So my goal is 3-4 a day. I got this. A gallon of water is great for cleansing your eye lashes.

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I get so freaking bored when it's time for me to take rest days. -_-

Sighs. It's working so much better to prevent burnout though. And I'm already getting healthier in my non-training life. I've got my bedtime going and now I'm wanting to spend time reading in bed and eating all my meals at the table. The last one is mostly because I keep spilling food on myself while watching anime and eating on the couch. I could get a little tv table for eating on the couch more safely but I know that eating at the table is much more mindful so I want to do that anyway. Plus I only watch an episode a day at most on weekdays anyways. It makes it much more doable and enjoyable to watch tv on the weekends when I don't really do it on weekdays. Otherwise movies with Cassidy aren't as enjoyable and I'm kind of tired of watching tv by then.

Tis' not easy to find anime she likes. She does like some of it tho like spy x family.

eat all meals at table

read dharma in bed

rest eyes on chair