A new beginning

I guess it's time to tell my story. I am a 53 year old gay man that has been living with HIV since 1994. When I was first diagnosed I became very ill and had a lot of support from friends and family. I was never promiscuous but had my fair share of experiences with other men in the past. I made an effort to be safe when it came to sex but in reality that was true only about 95% of the time. I intentionally lived in a gay community where I was more comfortable and porn was everywhere and was really a lifestyle in my opinion. It was always acceptable and always around. Just going out to the bars with friends and there would be beautiful naked men on the video screen above the bar. Or strippers dancing about. It was common for famous porn stars to tour the bars and sign autographs and dance for the cheering crowds. I participated as much as every one else did. When I became ill and left the dating scene porn was always there. I was unable to work because of my illness and there was plenty of time to watch it. Over the years my health improved greatly and I dated again a little although not like before because being positive doesn't make you the most popular guy at the party. I relied more and more on porn to take the place of the loneliness I was always feeling. So now its been around eight years since I have had any intimate contact at all with another person. It went by so fast that I can hardly believe it. I made my first online profile ever with the encouragement from a friend. It was on OKcupid and I was very surprised to find out several men found me attractive and were not bothered by my HIV status. Things have really changed for people living with HIV since I became ill. So that is how I got here because I want to find someone to share my life with and I am afraid that all this porn I am watching will make it difficult to perform in a normal relationship. I want to find that special someone soon because the clock is ticking and life goes on. I hope I can find support from other men trying to kick the habit. It has been three days so far and I feel like tough times are ahead. I have not decided what to make my goal. I would like it to be never but I feel like that my be unrealistic to start. Maybe ninety days, not sure. Any feed back is appreciated.

 

Thank you very much I will take your suggestion. Best of luck to you too