The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 88!

 

Day 58 - Warrior

 

Day 28. Elf.

 

Checking in Fellowship Friend's!

12 days Free of PMO.

Stay Strong!

 

For too long i have accepted that porn corrupted my mind. As a massive LOTR fan I hope that this challenge can help me take steps in the good direction. Starting day 0 as a Hobbit.

 

welcome brother

 

Day 320
Day 8 - without wet dreams

 

Day 3

 

Checking in. Doing great. Hope you are too.

 

Day 0

Sorry, fellows!! I know it feels like a shock when a teammate falls because this is what I feel, but sadly, it is my turn.

The facts:

Saturday at 3 pm, I was alone in bed, deciding what to do next. Urges appeared. I began with touches and rationalization and fully decided to masturbate without fantasies, just to release the urge. It is ok is reset. Let's continue.

But on Sunday, from 08:00 to 10:00, with a stupid rationalization, I relapsed into porn. In fact, 3 times.

The way into the relapse:

I must say that over the last weeks, I have been slipping a lot—ogling chicks, picking, etc. In fact, on Friday, I was able to avoid an extreme urge to masturbate. Why? I watched a music video of Alizee, and I could see her panties. Then in the afternoon, I searched for Alizee's upskirts, and everything appeared except Alizee.

I delayed my reports and preemptives. In fact, I felt invulnerable to urges because I could feel them and then wait until they were dismissed. But the one on Friday didn't. I can also tell that internally I was sabotaging myself to be "forced" into a relapse.

The learnings:

There is no point in being clean while I am ogling women, fantasizing and feeding fantasies that are not aligned with my values. Eventually, it will fall by its own weight. When I ogle and fantasize, I suffer, whether it leads or not to relapse, because I cannot have them or be with them. Most of them are more than 20 years younger than me. I know I can bring some of them to bed with exercise and patience. But I can't; why? because I am married. And I don't want to hurt her, destroy my family and everything we have built and will build for a moment. I desire them, but I cannot have them, then I suffer, the urge appears, and I have to deal with it or relapse (to feel that I am a winner in an impossible situation).

To be fair, these were the first 8 days in at least 4 years that I spent time at home without my wife. I prepared the things to be safe on weekdays but forgot about the weekend. I could avoid the relapse with the proper planning for this weekend at home alone. Maybe 2 days of TV series binging?? Maybe.

Next time it won't be easy for this addiction to catch me.

The consequences:

Instead of a happy, productive or restful weekend, it became a sad one. I couldn't do anything but play games and also ask for food instead of cooking. Today instead of continuing my productive streak, I procrastinated the whole day.

Interesting conclusion:

Just as the energy, focus and motivation do not return at once when we quit porn. Once you have it, it takes time to decrease. This is part of the catch of the relapse; you may think, "I feel good nothing has changed". But if I continue binging, I'll lose everything again. So with this motivation and focus that I still have (superpowers), I'll begin a new longer streak today. Something that I have learned is that we must learn to live with this thing; each day, it will be easier, but it will still wait for us to fail.

If you reach that far, I want to share this with you: . This is the time when he decides to ignore his hallucinations for the rest of his life. If he could, we can.

And the journey is about to start!!

 

Day 8

 

Day 3

Im getting more on track, but i did escape today, but i know what to do different.

Also, being aware of the mind always is very important to stop oogling and pmo thoughts. I will be more aware of my thoughts tommorow, so i wont think about pmo or any other sexual stuff.

Get back on it @stronaut2021 ! With all your great and insightful reflections, you are a inspiration to us all on how to handle a relapse.

 

Day 3

 

Day 29. Elf. Has been a long journey, but sitting here, one day short of a month, never regretted it. The times when I didnt give in to urges, the times when I redirected my mind from fantasies, the times I had awkward wet dreams when my roommate was awake, all of that seems to have some meaning now, some almost physical manifestation of a trophy to remind me that they were achievements of some kind. I know I'm already feeling like having the 30 day mark under my bag and probably won't have much to say tmrw when I achieve it, but it's alright. Tmrw will just be a day of quietly staring at the counter then. Just thinking about it makes me wanna cry for having made it. The last time i did something like this (before nofap), i immediately relapsed after reaching 21 days, thinking that since i hadnt done it for so long, now i could just do it once. Now i know how wrong that mentality was. Thanks to all the people who did these challenges with me, who posted the progress of their journey and even when they stumbled. All of that helped me tremendously. I've realised I'm someone who is more motivated in a group than by myself. That's a bit of self discovery too I guess because I always believed in the reverse. Again, sorry for the premature musing, but I guess the anticipation was too much.

 

Check in day 24

 

40 days – In the bridge of Khazad Dûm a strong battle is fought against PMO.

 

Day 118 bad day guys

 

Day 89!

 

Day 34 I think - clarity continues - natural dopamine hits from WHM really helping with yearnings, urges and not running from discomfort, though the demotivation in work due to a narcissistic boss continues and must be overcome. Dwarf tomorrow!

 

Day 59 - Warrior

Frodo: I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.

Upon reflecting yesterday and from time to time, I would say that so as well. I wish I never had this PMO Ring in the first place. Still having one of the majors reason to let go of it regardless of on my previous check in I was going to give in. A few good reasons why to let it good. I'm not perfect but it is still a process for me. We don't have all the time left.


Some fellowship members has fallen so we do whatever we can to aid them with some advice. If not, I'm sorry if I have none to give.

Time to get the brothers Merry and Pippin back.
Yes indeed, not while I still have strength left to fight against these PMO forces. Let's hunt some PMO Orcs.

Warrior of Gondor fighting