Non-virgins, how/why is sex different from masturbation?

It's hard to explain but good sex is based in love and leaves you satisfied while masturbation, especially to porn, in my experience, never satisfies you.

 

Also, the definition of instant gratification is having no distance of time or need for effort in the period between wanting something and getting something. Sex takes a lot of time between wanting it and getting it, unlike masturbation, therefore it is delayed gratification not instant. Delayed gratification is better for the brains reward system than instant

 

Perhaps that's part of why masturbation to pornography ends up in a novelty-seeking spiral of more and more degenerate content. We need an escape from the numbing sameness of solitary masturbation.

 

Can’t say I can add anything new to the conversation. I can just confirm like what has been said before, that sex is better because it doesn’t leave you feeling empty afterwards. It provides real connection (or it should anyway). It definitely lacks the instant gratification.

 

They are way different. A lot of people have already indicated a lot. Here’s my addition.

IME, it is so much harder to finish to sex. Geeze, you put a one minute porno on and I can finish to that within that one minute. While I’ve never done this before, I strongly suspect, i could have real sex with that same girl in the porno, and it would take so much more effort and time to finish. I am not sure why this is. It might be nervousness. It might be that I started O’ing with porn and did it for so long that sex is still weird to my subconscious. It’s been this way with every girl I’ve been with.

that being said, the pleasure is soooo much more intense with sex, with or without O. And imo, that could be with someone you deeply love, or someone you just met. There’s just something so exciting and intense about being so vulnerable with someone like that. So, it takes more effort physically to finish with sex, but the pleasure is so much greater. Like over 100 times greater, no joke. Like, I don’t know how to describe it. Also, IME, it does not matter how you finish. Whether it’s PIV or by your own hand with the person, it is always so so so much more intense than solo M.

TW. I might get a tad graphic re biology here. For women at least, it also takes them a lot longer than guys to “be ready.” Guys can get hard instantly. Women take a while to get lubricated/wet. I once heard it described as men are like microwaves, where you press one or two buttons and it’s hot and running, but women are like ovens, where they gotta preheat before they’re hot and running. Unlike what we sometimes see in movies/tv/porn, you can’t just instantly start boning. It won’t go in without any lubrication, either natural from the lady, or something like an oil from a bottle.

So, all around, pleasure from sex takes more effort, but the pleasure itself is soooo much greater.

also, sex doesn’t leave you feeling drained immediately like porn does. Sex MIGHT make you feel tired that next day, but that’s only because it can be a physically daunting task, like a really hard workout. Instead, it’s just this crazy happy comfort feeling afterward. Experiencing that come down from the intense high of pleasure during good sex (be it with a spouse, gf, first date) etc is a really amazing and comfortable feeling.

 

I realised I didn't answer the main post. The big difference physically I think is that sex is a full-body experience. When you masturbate it's really only your arm and your dick that are involved, maybe a couple of other areas with occasional involvement. When you have sex your whole body is involved. The pressure of skin on skin, the muscular exertion from the exercise: your whole body is in use.

It's a bit like asking what the difference is (UK sports analogy incoming) between playing football in person and playing FIFA on your Xbox. Playing FIFA is still fun but it's a primarily mental activity; playing sport is physically exhilarating in a primal animal way.

 

I gotta say, as a guy this has never been my experience. It has always taken me a lot longer to warm up than my partners. They mostly get hot and ready fairly quick. In fact my usual routine, including now with my wife, has always been to get the lady off first, which doesn't take too long, so I don't feel so guilty about taking the time I need afterwards.

I'm very willing to believe that many / most other guys are like you describe, but I don't think it's helpful to generalise so much about it. That stereotype is part of what makes me feel guilty about taking a long time to get going. I bet there are more guys out there than you think who are like me and don't fit that stereotype, but feel embarrassed to say so in public.

 

I agree with your first part, especially when I am fully drunk it's hard to finish at all.
The rest migth depend but if you both are horny and have made out before she will be wet enough already.
Sex itself is also kinda different from women to women how wet she is, how tall or large cause this will make certain positions harder/easier, with or without condom, where you cum and how you vibe.
The biggest differences are that it's not you alone but with another person so the rythm and whole vibe are just way different/better and the orgasm is more intense cause there's less mechanical stimulation than with a death grip so it takes longer to build up but cause of that it's more intense.
Sex isn't always great tho and different to what you see in porn although it's not easy to exactly describe the difference.
If you don't masturbate and watch porn for long enough you will have a natural desire to meet real women, don't worry you'll get there.

 

@OrthogonalToast

I would ask the same question a bit differently. It's nobody's fault.

Sex + Love vs Masturbation.


Sex + Love:
1. Sex + Love is beautiful emotional thing.
2. It is the closest to soul sharing that you will ever get.
3. It is the way how you can make someone feel that you care for them deeply.

Masturbation:

1. It is a way to release your urge.

//

Thank you for your question. It made me to realize the difference.

 

Yep, this is probably what is the biggest difference for me. That full body experience of making love to a person you love is night and day different compared jacking off to a tiny screen in a dark room.

Watching porn to MO, getting a BJ from a prostitute, and etc (I.e. any illicit sexual activity that goes against the natural bond of “making love” with someone you deeply care about and are committed to) are all selfish and unsatisfactory forms of sexual pleasure. They mess you up and wreak havoc in your life. They make you less confident as a man and suck the life out of your soul. It destroys your view of women and pulls you into a darker realm of pleasure that will always leave you unsatisfied.

Finding a woman you will love and can commit to is probably one of the biggest joys and passions that legitimately replaces (not substitutes) the false deception of porn & illicit sex.

Trust me…I sadly say this for my own experience. No pornstar on a screen or even prostitute IRL will leave you satisfied the way real love-making with your wife will. Where you selflessly serve your partner to give them the greatest amount of pleasure you can possible give and receive such great joy in that selfless act of giving, as she also reciprocates and selflessly serves your needs as well.

It’s just glorious when done right.

 

Fwiw I don't think saving yourself for marriage is for everyone. Some people are just sexually not very compatible, and that is an ironclad deal-breaker for a relationship. I think it's best to find out whether or not you're sexually compatible before you've locked yourself into a legal contract that costs a fortune to get out of.

 

I think in former times it was also more doable cause you would marry within months or even weeks and now it's more like a 5 plus years relationship without sex which sounds insanly hard to do.

 

That’s how it was with my husband and I, until he got into recovery. Porn and masturbation made it difficult for him to get going during real sex. I was always way faster. Well, not anymore. At all. He is always faster now, by a lot. 27 years I was always faster, the last 4 he is always much faster. Pmo use effects you in the bedroom as well as in other areas of your life. Hard to just know what’s normal for you if you have never been free from pmo( took 4-6 months clean before we noticed a change with my husband).

 

Timing:
You can masturbate whenever you want but sex requires that you and your partner both want to have sex. At certain times in a relationship that might mean you don't get to do it that often.

Expectations:
Your partner won't be as "hot" as a model in a porn film and sometimes sex isn't perfect. You may not be able to orgasm and sometimes they might say they're not into it half-way through.

Unintended Consequences:
Sex has more risk versus masturbation. This is one of the benefits of masturbation which I consider significant. If you have sex and make poor choices you can end up giving or getting a life changing infection or causing an unplanned pregnancy.

Masturbation vs. Unhealthy Sex:
Sometimes there isn't a difference between masturbation and sex. If you arrange your sexual encounters such that you have casual encounters with others who put a low value on sex then you can essentially watch porn through sex. The experiences can become as unhealthy as watching porn.

 

I've experienced both. my ex got wet and ready in seconds, while my current gf takes a lot of time and prep to get ready.

it's honestly a little bit of a self esteem blow to me. I know it's probably just her biology but it makes me sad that she isn't so horny to be with me that she's immediately wet.

but we are together and I'm committed to her.

can I add to the conversation? sex and masturbation are different. masturbation is easy. it's selfish. you can take as long or as little of time as you want. you can finish and then get up and do whatever or go to sleep. with sex you need to cuddle afterwards. sex requires focus on another person and time and care. getting a woman off is obviously hot, but sometimes you just want to get yourself off and not do any extra work. real life sex is not always like porn. I'm sure we all wish it was... very few people have threesomes, most girls don't let you finish on your face, let alone anal. sex (in a committed relationship) requires eye contact while masturbation you just stare at a screen.

masturbation is a selfish act.

 

To be fair I think they'd probably rather you do that than that you instead finish on their face.