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Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by iLoveHer, Oct 21, 2015.

  1. iLoveHer

    iLoveHer Fapstronaut

    Hello,

    I want to tell you about a girl I have a crush on in my college.
    She studies in a different faculty so I rarely see her around.
    We met 2 years ago,on the 1st year in college, and in my country we take
    some classes that are shared among many faculties that year.

    At first everything was normal, but as time passed I got really attracted to her.
    It was that day, when she asked me about one problem in the class, when I got really into her(call it magic of heart-warming voice).
    Each time I saw her after that day, I would glance at her, till she one time noticed.
    I pretended that it wasn't on purpose, but I felt that she knew I had something towards her.
    After that day, she started glancing at me, and sometimes smiling.
    I was like "cool so I got a sign now".
    I decided I should AT LEAST talk to her, but I didn't know how to start, so I just asked
    her about how her life/studies is going on general, I WAS nervous and I think she
    DID notice it, but she was smiling and talking normally. The day after is where I didn't understand what'd happened. Every time I notice her from afar she would just totally ignore me and turn her head in other direction.
    And the semester ended just like that.

    Now after 2 freaking years when I finally saw her again she would keep ignoring me,
    and I wouldn't dare coming any close to her, nor I would say hi, I just think that she hates me now.
    I don't know what happened, it must be that little talk, maybe I was TOO nervous.
    What do you girls think ? Is she ignoring me on purpose to tease me or does she really hate me ?
     
  2. taqwa

    taqwa Fapstronaut

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    My advice: go up to her directly and ask her. Simple and direct. Our mind has a funny way of torturing us. Don't assume. She'll also likely respect you for having enough courage to communicate with her directly. Good luck.
     
  3. iLoveHer

    iLoveHer Fapstronaut

    I would LOVE to do that. I'm just too scared of the results after my first try, and I don't even know how to start. I'm so bad at this, it's my first 'real' crush.
    I had no problems talking to girls before this.
     
  4. TheFiancée

    TheFiancée Fapstronaut

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    Dear Kudo,

    we are all scared to be rejected. This is totally normal. However, that fear will only grow if you don't face it.

    I am a "girl" and I cannot tell you what this crush of yours is thinking or how she is feeling, because, believe it or not, girls are different ;) But what is the worst that could happen? She says she just wasn't that into you or she even tells you that you might have come on too strong. So, then you know. You're not her type. You were a bit too eager for her taste. I am probably way too loud and forward to many people's tastes, so what? That is entirely their problem. There will be people who think you are charming just the way you are. But you should try to find out who these people might be by talking to them! The more you try the easier it will get, I can promise you that.

    Of course it is possible that maybe you accidentally and unknowingly said something that put her off. I don't know what that might have been, and you don't know it yet - but if you don't ask you will never find out. It might hurt a bit, but that'll pass. Quickly. And you might get some insight that'll help you next time you want to talk to someone who seems nice.

    Also, a little tip to when it comes to talking to people (girls) you want to get to know (particularly when you are very interested in getting to know them much better and tend to get nervous): imagine you are only interested in a friendship. Not to deceive them but to put yourself at ease. There is nothing to lose, but maybe a real friend to gain. And guys should always be interested in a girl as a friend anyway :) If anything more comes out of it it will happen naturally and much more honestly out of a friendly relationship, I am convinced.

    Well, I hope this helps. I am not saying I know it all, I certainly don't. But I always felt more comfortable when guys talked to me and wanted to get to know me as a friend and I felt they were actually interested in me as a person. So...

    Good luck!
     
    ekoluomu and iLoveHer like this.
  5. iLoveHer

    iLoveHer Fapstronaut

    That's really lovely to hear, sorry if my post was a bit silly.
    I'll see what can I do on Monday, the only day I see her on..
     
  6. TheFiancée

    TheFiancée Fapstronaut

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    No, not silly at all! I really didn't mean it that way, very sorry if it came across like that!

    :)
     
  7. iLoveHer

    iLoveHer Fapstronaut

    No, it was cool. I really appreciate your support.
     
    TheFiancée likes this.
  8. iLoveHer

    iLoveHer Fapstronaut

    Quick question, do you think glasses are a turn-off ?
     
  9. TheWife

    TheWife Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Not at all! Love a man in glasses. Think they can look very distinguished and classy.
    I hope that are going okay.
     
  10. iLoveHer

    iLoveHer Fapstronaut

    Ok today I unexpectedly saw her while I was passing by college for some papers.
    I wasn't planning for this day so I didn't make a move. When she saw me she turned her eyes to the ground and just passed by me, I swear she did it on purpose. GOD DID THAT PISS ME OFF !!
     
  11. iLoveHer

    iLoveHer Fapstronaut

    That's exactly what I think I should do, it's just way easier said than done.
     
  12. NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Honestly Kudo, my advice would be, try seeing her as a friend, or don't see her as anything at all. I think why you are running into problems with this girl is because you see her as the potential to be more than a friend, ie you are attracted to her. As another shy guy, I can say that girls can sense when we are attracted them, because let's just say- the shy guys make it obvious! I know you are not looking at her with bad intentions, however we can often come off as looking creepy by the way we look at women.

    You should be ready to act next time you see her. My advice would be, don't try to pull off anything fancy. Say hi to her and see what her response is. Be ready to make basic conversation, ie how she is, how her studies are going etc. Any more than that would be jumping the gun in my opinion. I'm not saying that thinking of her as a friend is different to you being attracted to her. Relationships are initiated based on friendship to start with. But I think your primary focus at the moment should be within yourself. This girl is someone who you may see or may not. Thinking of her as just a person to be friendly to may help you deal with your nerves in talking to her. These compulsive attractions to people are not helpful to us or anyone else.

    I'm not saying I could do any better, but I'm trying to impart my experience from one shy person to another. Good luck. :)
     
    ekoluomu likes this.
  13. iLoveHer

    iLoveHer Fapstronaut

    Hi I like your post, but I am not really shy with girls.
    The problem with this one is that I think she's acting like a real b***h and I don't know what could come out of her mouth. I think she is too proud to talk to me.

    But I made up my mind, I'm just gonna let it go.
    It feels bitter, not gonna lie, but life goes on.
    Sorry for the stupid drama brought by this thread.
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2015
  14. programer

    programer Fapstronaut

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    Look, I am going to speak this from Experience. Girls are Silly Creatures.

    -Never be So good to a Girl. She'll freak off. Avoid being mr nice Guy.
    -When around her, dont even Smile. Be a man.
    -Dont be nervous, shy or anxious around here. This will freak her away.
    -Dont give her too much attention. In addition, Pretend she's not around.

    Finally, Avoid PMO Completely especially M. Note that when A girl Knows that you like or love her without her having Skme feelings for you, She will treat you like a slut.

    TAKE MY WORD. TRUST NO B....
     
  15. DireMerl

    DireMerl Fapstronaut

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    Sweeping generalisation anyone? I think you've been watching too many movies. I most certainly have never fallen for a guy who ignores me and acts like a macho idiot.
     
  16. iLoveHer

    iLoveHer Fapstronaut

    I honestly agree with you. That's how it works.
    Well, girls are different, and your type is probably rare now.
    What @programer said has some truth in it, in my opinion at least.
    B*****s are gonna rule the world muhahahaha
     
  17. Sometimes people get hit by the proverbial "train" in life and are so involved in their life experience that they don't have time/inclination to be a part of the rest of the world. Perhaps this girl has a lot going on in her life right now? Could explain her not wanting to recognize you. Is she this way with others?
    I would strike up a convo with her. Otherwise you will die never knowing! If she's not into you, so be it. You can't meet everyone's expectations in this life.
     
  18. iLoveHer

    iLoveHer Fapstronaut

    When I see her walking with her group of friends, she acts normally.
    Just when she notices me, she changes completely.
    If she was laughing with her friends, she would laugh harder, almost forcing it.
    If we accidentally make eye contact, she would turn the other way.
    I don't care anymore, I think she has bad personality. I don't feel sad not
    talking to her now. /case closed
     

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