How to get over a heartbreak.

Hello everyone.
I m 26 years old .
When I was 22 year old I fell in love with a guy.
Actually it was my friends who made me fall for him I didn't intend to as I think I won't be compatible with him.
But then sugar coating good stuff about him made me fall for him very deeply.
He also showed me as if he loved me too via gestures and indirect communication
Long story short I had history of serve codependency and he was flirt and fuckboy, extremely disrespectful and abusive and very serious player.

Since 2019 I was in trauma because of him and it is 2023 because it was on and off dynamics.
I developed very serious pmo addiction afterwards.
I begged him countless times to behave good at least for a day but he just made everything worse and worse.
And even made me feel suicidal at many times.

Also he defamed me in front of everyone. And in the end confessed that he was already in relationship since 5 years. And that he was just using me and a sorry

While his sorry couldn't fix anything coz his damage was huge it did sort of gave me answers and a closure .

I feel anger and resentment towards this guy and that he really destroyed my life .
But this experience taught me what love does not look like at least.

Now I am trying to find someone to marry and in a way it will make forgetting him and his abuse easier and begin a new chapter in my life but i couldn't find anyone.

So i get lot of propasals

The guys I like don't marry me and the guys that want to marry me are the one I don't want to marry because I might have compatibility issues down the line like they are very old or do not have stable job Or something .

I have been trying really hard for almost 1.5 years amidst this addiction and severe trauma to put myself up there and love and accept love, I even pray to God but it seems like it isn't timed yet for me

This makes me sad the constant rejections and previous traumas
Also I am worried if my previous bad relationship with my ex would have affect future patner, I don't want to be judged and all.
I have really bad anxiety regarding this and it will go when I get a patner that doesn't judge me which isn't happening no matter how much I try so anxieties keeps on piling.
And so it kind of reminds me of the previous trauma every time I get anxious

Abusive relationship - anxiety regarding future partners judgement - since I cannot find a patner that accepts me - anxiety increase and j cannot get over abuse and trauma that I suffered.

Also trying my best and not finding a patner really breaks my spirit especially in view of all that I went through and negatively affects my reboot

Please advice me something to get my situation better

 

Well it is an arrange marriage scenario and my family has to agree as well, there is always some sort of Incompatiblity issue with those guys, like some sort of compromise involved from my side.

 

Those guys are always having one area where I have to compromise and i have no issues with that but then I don't want to regret
Also even these guys don't know my previous story .

 

Thanks a lot brother . I am glad that you validated my situation.
I know that they will pay in the end I truly believe it and they will regret it really hard.

Yes this relationship helped to shed light on my codependency issues and I really did inner work to come out of it.
But the guy was excellent in pretending that he has feelings for me and excellent in gaslighting me that I am responsible for the way he treats me.

Yes but the people then just gossip and spread the news around.
I kind of have fear of being rejected because of what he spread about me and I m working on that

Yeah probably looking for someone to heal the wounds but may be I should be doing it on my own

Great advice, I m trying

Exactly, especially the fact that trauma makes me attract wrong dudes again n again .
But it also kind of overgeneralize mem and make me really afraid of them

That's what I am trying to do.
I am trying to regulate my emotion buy talking positively about the situation .
And I am trying very hard to process the trauma it is just that I am really anxious about the future and I don't know how to process it

Yes
Any advices on how to be brave.

Yes, I completely agree but sometimes a loving person can heal your wounds and fears.

Yes hopefully, thanks a lot brother, it feels really nice to see someone supporting you in your tough times
May God bless you lots and I highly appreciate your response