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OK, I'm back to try again

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Eric S, Oct 21, 2015.

  1. Oct 21, 2015 #1
    Eric S

    Eric S Fapstronaut

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    I went off the deep end after my first relapse about ten days ago. I got mad at myself, frustrated and made oaths and promises. I was disappointed and depressed. I swore that I'd never again submit to P then MO. That lasted one day. I was back in worse than ever. It's taken me a little more than a week to re-surface. It's like I crawled out again yesterday and had a moment of clarity. Damn. I don't want P to keep running my life.

    I called a therapist yesterday to make an appointment. I managed not to M Somehow and they called me back this morning. Now I have to wait until next week to start talking with a therapist. It feels like I need the help. I never even considered talking with someone until I found these forums. Thank you all for that.

    Right now the frustration, depression, anxiety and compulsion to partake are low. Maybe taking that step helped. I did open the chat discussions on the cam site before I spoke with the therapists office. I was almost right back in. The Panic Button helped there.

    I'm not angry. I'm not ranting this time. Not swearing. I just feel resolved. Hopefully it's a true feeling. I want that space in my head back to enjoy each and every moment. I want the P out and with it all of the nonsense fantasies and fetishes.

    My counter has been reset.

    Thanks for reading and your time.
     
    Eric S, Oct 21, 2015
    Eric S, Oct 21, 2015
    #1
    zero01 likes this.
  2. Oct 21, 2015 #2
    CrossGlow

    CrossGlow Fapstronaut

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    Good on you man. I wish you the best.
     
    CrossGlow, Oct 21, 2015
    CrossGlow, Oct 21, 2015
    #2
  3. Oct 21, 2015 #3
    wally_s

    wally_s Fapstronaut

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    Hey Eric, glad you're here and thanks for checking in. Suggest you come over to the 40+ forum and start a journal there. Good group of fellows over there and been way helpful for me, finally starting to put together some time and get clarity. I also started seeing a therapist once a week at the beginning of my current streak, now seeing him every other week. It's been a good thing. But checking in here on a daily basis and usually several times a day, seeing what's going on with folks and replying, posting what's going on with me, where my thoughts are, has made all the difference. Wish you all the best!
     
    wally_s, Oct 21, 2015
    wally_s, Oct 21, 2015
    #3
  4. Oct 21, 2015 #4
    fapoholic23

    fapoholic23 Fapstronaut

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    Good on ya bro. The first step is always the hardest, but you've made a step in the right direction.

    Keep up the good fight.
     
    fapoholic23, Oct 21, 2015
    fapoholic23, Oct 21, 2015
    #4
  5. Oct 22, 2015 #5
    Eric S

    Eric S Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Wally. I will head over there.
     
    Eric S, Oct 22, 2015
    Eric S, Oct 22, 2015
    #5
  6. Oct 22, 2015 #6
    Eric S

    Eric S Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Man. It is tough and I still don't really understand why I want to go back. The urge is on me again. Crazy, tingly, sick feeling.
     
    Eric S, Oct 22, 2015
    Eric S, Oct 22, 2015
    #6
  7. Oct 22, 2015 #7
    fapoholic23

    fapoholic23 Fapstronaut

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    I get ya mate, it's a real obsession of the mind. Like, in spite of how bad I know it is for me, sometimes the obsession is so strong that I am overpowered and end up watching porn again. I did it tonight. I can see where I slipped up though and I can and will start fresh tomorrow.

    I WILL REACH 7 DAYS.
     
    fapoholic23, Oct 22, 2015
    fapoholic23, Oct 22, 2015
    #7

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