Where are all the big boys?

Kropo, this is an incredibly thoughtful post. In fact, it is precisely your (and your clever wife's) question that was the topic of my searches today. I wanted to hear what the "Big Boys" have to say. So your provocative title was quite successful.

I would like to add that I hope the moderators catch your post and are somehow able to make some easy modification to add this search feature. Or, maybe more simply and less expensive than changing the actual forum, that the Big Boys hear you and step forward.

For me it would be great to know who the Big Boy no PMO, no PM, no M, no P, guys are. For example, no PM for 500 days is very different than no PMO for 500 days.

Thanks for your post.

 

Of course, I am now somewhat embarrassed. It seems the Big Boys ARE posting.....Success Stories. They may not be sorted by day count, but they are there.

I humbly ask the moderators to excuse my hasty post above.....despite my genuine appreciation of Kropo's post.

 

True. We can't sort and have to scroll down looking for relevant titles.

You sure are lucky to have such an interested wife.

Thanks again for your effort. You definitely helped me today.

 

Well, I'm one of them. But, not sure you'll learn a bunch from me or anything. You got this. Your life is happier now, right? You're finding inspiration in the younger guys and those earlier on in recovery, right? You're motivating others, right? I'd say just find the place where you get the most out of the community. *Edit: Google can be your friend, as well. Let's start a thread in off-topic or something. Tag me and I'll chime in w/ more suggestions.

Your wife sounds wise, of course. If we want to have a great job or successful career we model our skillset and ambition patterns after those that have gone before. Well, you're kind of in that entrepreneur space now. I mean, it can't all be laid out for you. Innovation is required. Let your wife know that YOU are in orbit and that YOU have got your own big boy pants on, thank you very much. Haha. If necessary, tell her I said so. =P

Glad you're amongst us big boys. We've been on a similar journey, and I might be maybe 3 years ahead of you. Had a few ~18 months streaks in my 30s and crash and burn with binge relapses sometimes. This isn't easy, but I am confident I'm done being an addict at this stage.

Well met, sir. Keep up all the good work.

 

Thank you for the thoughtful note and tips! Big boy pants on!

 

@kropo82 fyi, a friend recently posted..

@hope4travis is clocking 900+ days now
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/day-by-day.39606/page-19#post-1140922

 

Who do you have on your list? Do they differentiate complete recovery as opposed to partial/swapped addictions? Ie using psubs instead of porn or having switched addictions from porn to escorts or alcohol?

 

I didn’t realize this was an old thread. Lol. I know strength and light just came back. Same thing happens with the SO They drop out when they leave the relationship or when things are going well. Some come back periodically. I hate that I seem to hone in on the ones who left and came back not because they were successful, but they relapsed and are worse than ever. JJackson has a 5 years success story with some really great advice. Ghostwriter who got banned is still clean, not sure how long he’s been clean, but my husband speaks with him at least once a week and he is still in recovery. Dr. Elko ( I think that’s his name?) he just came back, has years clean. I wish success stories was broken up in terms of years, not 30 days. 1 year, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years+

 

I had here "no PMO counter 500+" for over 2 years while fapping happily without even realizing it. When you stop using this website your counter doesnt stop but is still increasing. After 1.5 year of not using this website you will have +500 counter automatically. When I return to this website 4 years later to reboot again, it was funny to see that I had no PMO counter 500+ in all of my posts but reality was completely different.

Moral of the story: if you see somebody having 500+ days that doesnt really tell you anything, maybe only that they are not using this website anymore.

 

Then there are a few who come back and admit to lying the whole time about recovery. Because, you know, addicts lie. There were two men that I told my husband I thought they had relapsed, but they continued to say they were clean. One was almost a full year before he admitted he had been lying, the other one just a few months. It seeps out in their journals. It takes more than just this forum to get into recovery. There is a lot of hard work that needs to be done to get to long term recovery and sobriety. You can be sober but not in recovery. Statistically speaking the odds are against you. Realistically speaking every single one of you could get into recovery. Every single one. It’s achievable with the right tools and willingness to sacrifice and do whatever it takes.

 

Check out my 36 months post on my profile. I will publish on Sunday my 39 months post.

 

Better to be honest about relapsing than to lie. I can't help but think that some posts on here are about putting on a show. We shouldn't be trying to impress people, we should be trying to live the life we want. At the end of day we all need to ask ourselves what kind of life do we want to live.

I don't make my counter public or talk about relapses much because in the past I've been personally attacked for admitting I relapsed. Such attacks effected my mental health.

 

Always better to be honest. There is no addiction without lies and no recovery without truth.

 

I agree with you and I'm truly sorry to hear you were attacked. I know of real cases where people not only lie, they lie to themselves about relapse too. They're clinging so hard to their day count that they decide to lie when they fall, which is the opposite of recovery honestly.

Though I've counted in the past, in my current journal entries and journey I don't make my day count public and I've highlighted my reasons. The reasons I have done this differ slightly to yours though.

My real question is: Why do we put the days on a pedestal? Not only does it increase the desire to lie, it makes the fall a lot worse -- that's even if you have the courage to report it, I know I didn't. I made it to 1070 days and eventually deleted my old account, when I decided to relapse and then binge. Toxic comparison can go both ways... You can compare yourself to someone else and people can compare you to them, either way it helps not one person at all.

Wishing you all of the best on living the life you want to live and with your mental health.