From Nothing To Worthy

I m already away from porn from more than 2 weeks as I was having urges I came back here,I was not using this community from past few months but I wanted the tips from alphas,by alpha I mean those who care abt themselves.

But even though I m off 2 weeks,I will still count from Day 1 as mentally I have begun now!!

DAY 1 starts.

 

Day 2 starts: It was difficult today to not watch porn.
I am not a good writer who can capture the best details of the day. I just know that I had an urge to watch but what stopped me.
Is the guilt and emptiness after ejaculation,cause watching porn would always end up ejaculation whatever it maybe weather edjing or simultaneous masturbation.
I just am realising now with clear mind that what do we mean when a person watches porn.

By porn means concious submission to bodily arousal and then releasing the tension through sexual fluid.
This is what we all hv to avoid.
Its difficult but not difficult than the feelings after porn.
Also try to deflect masturbation to night and then it will be easy for you to not do it during day.
I hv my 2 year streak to not do masturbation during day cause it makes me feel sleepy so bed time,i go sleep after it.
Also I will see a full PMO thing in future but i m avoiding porn only and havent masturbated in 2 days.
I do 2-3 times a week.
Lets be clean and stop watching porn and we dont need it.
I think we are being brainwashed abt pro porn,it only hurts man and they never realise.
Common did we accomplise anything from porn,nothing yet.

 

Day 3 No porn.
Well today I didn't got that much urges and I also realised my belly fat is too much,I downloaded a workout app And now i finished workout session.
Felt good but not better than porn.
I know porn is a drug ,a drug we never should taste,coz once tasted it rolls you ,grabs you like a snake and you become its host.
Idk what i m saying,the absense of that juicy porn kick is really making me bored,but I see this as a sign of recovery.
I m amazed to see that we are only 300k people on nofap and some porn videos has 20M + views,makes me realised how much wild people have gone behind doors but to stop the supply is real battle.
Even if you stop internet u will try to collect some news paper,find a sexy lady nd jerk off.
I don't want to shutoff internet.
I want to conciously stop choosing porn and any nude content.
No arousal,no nuts.
My man go strong.

 

Day 4 ,No porn.
Fuck the life,I was just useless,didn't do anything productive today,I just want to know why I am unable to study even if I know exams are hard and when am I going to learn discipline.
I am tired of my life ,there is much more I can tell.
Yeah I m proud that I didn't watched Porn,but fuck that,I m so destroyed in discipline,I hate my favorite subject,can't sit for 1 minute,I hate studying.
Watched all motivation still doing nothing.
I have some weird paranoid too,I hate when people interfere with my life outside,why don't they put black lenses on eyes as I am bringing my food from market,why am i paranoid.
I m fucked up and a child in a man body.


Edit: did some exercise but I am sad for no reason.


Edit:Now I m a bit happy because whatever was causing me trouble I kept ignoring it and I was listening to 6 hz bineural beats(legit),it did help me to balance some mental balance,maybe it works

 

Day 5 No Porn.
Day 1 No Masturbation.
I was balanced today after I realise that porn alone won't solve my problem,I think masturbating even 2-3 times effect my mental stability.
I mean I have to wait for 10 hours after I wake up to exercise because if I masturbated at night,I won't have enough energy to exercise ,so I completed Day 1 without masturbating,was difficult to sleep but I managed to get REM sleep ,I suppose.
I am now trying to read my semester syllabus and I have still mood off but I m not as much unbalanced yesterday.
I was a fuck yesterday and am shit today too but not that much.
My reward for 5 day streak would be I don't know,I don't have any rewards to give myself.
Listening to binaural beats Simultaneously,I hope I get more peace in my life than chaos.

The goal of PMO is to achieve peace.
I know success doesn't come with stopping only PMO but look at me,do I look like good,I haven't any achievements to put on show case.
Unemployed,shit head,jerking off ,unable to focus etc.
I kinda need order in life.
I need that,my brain hurt after I watch porn or end up ejaculating that semen.
I don't like that either,it's just like I leave my soul.
I know some people are happy after ejaculating it's because of dopamine kick but I was using it as escape mechanism and my dopamine receptors have already begun to fuck up so I need more kick that I can but atlast there is a death.
I hope I remain clean and productive for my future days.
I don't want to lose any streak.
I m tired of my past excuses of ending up watching porn or masturbating.


Edit: The reason I am not ending up watching porn is that before 2 days I opened a porn tab on phone but I didn't saw porn I just open pornhub but I looked away and think to myself should I should I Should I then I pressed back button and clear tab without looking and then after that I added more 3 days and it become 5 days,if I had ended up on that, I would be crying like ass rn.

Remember I had a will to watch but I didn't act on it,it just go away and my belief that it gets worse after ejaculating still saves me.

Edit:- Completed my 10 minute intense workout to remove belly fat.

 

Day 6 No Porn.
Day 2 No masturbation.


It was hard yesterday to hold the urges very hard,I WAS about to gap but as I had exercised recently and I wanted to grow my muscles the masturbation could have affected my testosterone so that stopped me at night also I had too much head ache and stress but I listened to binaural beats and tried to sleep but was awake half till night,tried panic button but it sent lame quote at last I slept little then it is my next day.
Learnt some English grammer and composed some music.
I think it's now time to clean my room.

 

I was not able to understand it and I used Google translate,I saw that you said to me so much motivating things.
Thankyou.

 

Day 7 No porn.
Day 3 No masturbation

Finally a little milestone I achieved but I have too much less energy to do anything I am sleepy all the time but I won't give up I am going to exercise by force ,it is difficult right now to exercise but I am lazy and I messed up my room too.
I was very lazy today all I did was to avoid porn and masturbation.
I don't make these my life focus,as I have to go college and study and focus on other areas of life but I am very unproductive today.

Edit:+ Forced myself to workout and I was amazed to see that I had more energy to complete 18 min workout without getting tired.
The sleepiness is gone.

 

Day 8 No Porn.
Hurray
Day 4 No masturbation
Will write journal soon was busy today.


Edit:-
Here I m writing this text ,I m glad that I have joined this peaceful community where thousands of men need help,no bullshit forum,even though some people may act childish here like crying,weeping,day 90 and still not getting anywhere.
I believe that nofap is not just nofap but a positive mindset community where you learn to grow up in life,do pushup instead of fuck, break cycle of PMO rather than Day 6455 victory!
Just I love you guys.
You are rare because porn is so destructive that leaders can even fall in trap.

Just only one belief to be saved from porn.
It's all fucked up when semen is out.

 

Day 9- Absolutely No porn.
But at night I was aroused suddenly mid sleep and had micro orgasm but I was unconscious didn't knew that weather I ejaculated or not but I didn't masturbated with hands or tried to,it was because I was very unaware so I will treat this as normal.
Day 5 - No masturbation.
But I am now starting to get urges,I hope I get them in control, withdrawal symptoms are starting to take me over.
I need to change my plan.

 

Yeah today was a difficult night.

 

I actually masturbated today, wasn't as easy as it seems but I am away from pornography.

So it's
Day 10 - No porn.
Day 0 - No masturbation.

I think I am proud of my 5 day gap and I hope I keep 5 days again atleast.

 

I am beginning to feel like shit again.
This proves that I was wrong when I relapsed.


Also I noticed why I may have masturbated.
I think I was listening Spotify during bed and I think it contained songs of Ariana Grande.
Maybe the lyrics and her voice was constantly messing with my brain and until I started to masturbate as an alternative to porn.
I am cutting the pop songs from now.
I see how dangerous they can be.

But not giving up!


Edit:- Sweep my house and now feeling a bit fine.

 

I just got a realisation before bed. What the fuck and I doing with my life? Will I keep searching for meaningless things or get some real work. I know that exams are coming and I have so much hopes,I want to do PHD after I complete my Masters and my Masters are not easy and what I am doing instead of studying for my master's.I am worrying about the things that are nonsense. Why am I a stupid fuck who masturbates on a clean bed rather than solve numerical problem for exam and why am I not able to study seriously. It's all me,I am going to study a topic in syllabus right now ,no excuse straight to the book.
I m not going to be noob for my entire life.
Let's go to work.

 

Will keep it in mind next time.
And I am stable rn bro.
)
Trying to sleep asap
Will start day 11 no porn tomorrow