Hi. An intro from a 23yo Christian student doctor.

Hello,
I don't feel like giving my name, but I can tell you some stuff about me (I'm 23).

First and foremost, I'm a Christian and have been since childhood. This means that by the grace of God my sins have been forgiven, and I am growing ever closer in my relationship with Jesus. When I am in my right mind, I would say that this relationship with Jesus is the most important thing in my life, and it is because of this that I know I need to fight very hard against my various addictions. God is my motivation for trying to break my porn/masutbation addiction, and also my main shelter and defense during times of temptation.

My next most relevant feature is probably that I am a medical student. I dare say that this means I have an above average grasp on the neurochemistry and psychology of addiction. I am particularly fond of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), having been taught a simple model of it and seen it work powerfully in many patient's lives. Using this knowledge is the second way which I attack my addictions.

In terms of my "past PMO history", I learnt from relatively early in my masturbating life that masturbation was not in line with God's will for me (and so a bad idea, a "sin"). I have been struggling against it ever since. When I discovered porn, I knew from the outset that it was against God's will. But, as we all know, it is incredibly addictive, and I have never been able to shake it fully. I often go weeks and occasionally months without porn or masturbation, but I always fall back into the same habits (most consistently when stressed around exams/assignments, or bored during breaks from university).

I have learnt a huge amount about my triggers and defenses, but I keep returning to my addictions like a dog returning to eat its vomit. My mood goes up and down depending on whether I'm in a relapse resistant or relapse prone state. Again, this comes back to my relationship with God in a bidirectional kind of way. When I'm close to God (prayerful, reading the Bible, trying to obey his will for my life) I can resist the temptation, and I feel great. Alternatively, if I scratch my sexual itch then I feel reluctant to draw close to God, so I don't. This makes me feel bad, and a miserable cycle of relapsing is started.

I'm creating an account on here to keep me focused over my summer break (yes, I'm in the southern hemisphere). I'm not sure how often I'll journal just yet (or how detailed), but at least now I know I have the option.

Thanks.