At 45 days now, I can already see that this site TRULY HELPS!

I wanted to share with you just this little testimonial:

When I joined this site a little over a month ago, I was quite sceptical -- of both my own ability to reclaim even any real sense of control over my life, as well as of this site's ability to help me with that process.

But 35 days later. and 45 days of being PMO-free -- despite the fact that I know that this really is "nothing" -- I am now very pleasantly surprised, that I can already now so clearly see, that many of the mechanisms built into this site REALLY DO HELP!

I'm not sure who was the copy-writing genius that first coined the phrase "Orgasmless October," but when I first saw that thread, ten days after joining, inviting people to join in that 30-day challenge, I threw in my "I'm in" commitment almost impulsively and mindlessly, not TRULY sure if I had really made a "100% decision" on this or not, and while I was at it, also updated my newly-acquired counter with an even longer-term goal of 90 days. Honestly, it felt like a "WTF" moment -- as in "it can't hurt to try," and "if I don't make it through, it's no big deal, as this is only my first newbie attempt as part of this site, and it is expected and understandable that I WILL fail sooner or later."

So now, let me tell you this: the past few weeks have been rather hard on me, both emotionally, as well as biologically. Based upon the old teenage behavioral patterns that had once again become part of my current life, there was NO WAY that would have gone through such a hard period in the past without "rewarding myself" with a little PMO, especially in light of:

1. my 45-day clean-streak (probably my longest in the past 3-4 years or so) was beginning to build up those urges again, after my too-short period of flat-line seemed to be over; and
2. my feelings that my wife -- with her behaviour towards me reaching a never-so-despicable low for the past 7 months -- most clearly "deserves" that I

And I can tell you that, without a doubt, the ONLY thing that held me back was that "Orgasmless October" commitment. I said to myself: "Hey, you've somehow made it through most of the month, with just one week left! And you're even half way there to meeting your 90-day goal! Don't give up now!!!"

Honestly, I'm a bit scared about what might happen on Nov. 1st. There's SO much room for rationalization on the day that that date will come around. But I am truly beginning to feel that I have made a decision -- and one that is not dependent on time. I'd really like think that I simply WILL NOT DO THIS AGAIN, ... PERIOD!

And so, I'd like to DEEPLY THANK many people here: the visionaries who gave birth to this site; the large number of people that actively contribute -- often without knowing whom exactly they helped with any given post that they made; and at least one individual that has privately reached out to me and shown genuine concern regarding my personal hardship caused by my crazy marital situation.

 

Love those names!

Will there be an official "New-Life November" Signups post in 'Rebooting', like there was for "Orgasmless October"?

As I am now, this very second, battling thoughts from the "Dark Side" that are telling me "October is almost over -- you've almost earned your 'upcoming reward'!" , I'd like to OFFICIALLY finalize my "I'm in!" for November as well, ASAP, to lock that mofo out for at least another month -- before I suddenly find myself already defeated.

 

I do feel mentally strong, knowing that I have a made a solid decision. In general, with all the shit I'm going through, I really NEED to be strong (not just regarding NoFap), if I am to maintain my sanity.

[Physically, however, I do not feel so strong, as part of my coping mechanism has been to bury myself deep, deep, in work and in "busy-ness"; thus I'm sitting at my desk most of the day, with zero physical exercise whatsoever, and this is something that ideally I'd like to fix as well.]

I'm not writing the following in order to brag, but more to explain why I am so disheartened, after ruining such a long, relatively-successful streak:

FYI: I've been married for a little over 25 years now. For the first ~18 or so of those first years, I had zero "intentional" MO's! In the latter years, there were a very small number of accidental O's resulting from "edging". And for the first ~3 of those first newlywed years, when I did not have a PC at home, I was PMO-free.

It was only around 7 years ago, after ~18 years that I consider relatively successful, I made a conscious decision to experiment infrequently with PMO, in the hope that this would maybe "fix" some ED problems that I was having. (FYI: while I feel there might have been some "limited improvement," overall this strategy did not really help. But since it was so relatively infrequent, I don't feel that it caused any significant non-spiritual damage either). But for the past 3-4 years, when my marital situation began to seriously deteriorate, and especially during the past ~7 months, I have "allowed" myself to PMO much more frequently -- generally 2-3 times per month, and occasionally up to 2-3 times in the same week.

I tried consoling myself with my assessment that my frequency of PMO was probably well-below the "average" (?) for PMO-aficionados, and also that -- given my marital situation -- I really did not have too much of "choice." But, as ones whose objections to PMO are mostly religious, I acknowledge in my head that even a single PMO event has terrible spiritual ramifications.

So, when I think of how I was "relatively clean" for my first ~18 years of marriage, it makes my sad state of affairs during the last 7 years all the more disheartening.

But -- as I wrote above -- for the first time in a long time, I have finally mustered the courage to "make a stand" one more time, and to re-claim my life back.

Thank you all in this wonderful community for your participation and your support!

 

Beautiful "Wolf" picture, quote, and story!

I wish you, and all of us, much strength and ultimate success in this battle.

I know that this is officially a secular forum, but nevertheless, I find the following thought and belief very empowering and helpful:
We have been given the powerful gift of CHOICE. And thus we CAN wield it in the correct direction, despite the obstacles. And when we demonstrate that we are making a real effort to defy the "Dark Side," the One who has given us this gift of "Choice," also rewards us with additional strength, to be even more successful in our battle (which is, after all, just a "Test").

 

And here is another way that I know that this site is having a real, positive, effect on my life:

At 60 days, I now see that my commitment to reclaiming control over my life, and even the "NoFap® branding," have trickled down into the deeper layers of my consciousness and have started asserting themselves even during non-waking hours!

Last night, while I slept, I had a pretty "vivid" dream: admittedly not my first sex-related dream during this reboot process, but the first one in which I also explicitly dreamt about fapping. I assume that this dream was inspired by my real-life experience earlier that day, while surfing a news-site and coming across an enticing piece of click-bait. After seeing that the post featured sexy-but-clothed images of some celeb, I brought myself within a few seconds to close that browser tab, lest the potentially-"P-substitute" material overpower me. And per what I have seen written by others in this forum, it was clear to me that there was no need to reset the "P" portion of my counter.

Anyway: in my dream, I was at my computer and faced with a very similar scenario. I was presented with a link that I clearly knew that should not click. After some token deliberation with myself, the "WTF" side of my brain (or my D?) prevailed, and I was quickly drawn in to very explicit P. But as much as my dopamine-starved character was drooling over the luscious beauties, at the very same the "NoFap®" side of my brain started giving a real fight! I remember yelling at myself to close that shit right now! And as more than 10 and even 30 seconds had passed with me still "enjoying the action" (and possibly even teleporting away from my computer and into the scene itself), I explicitly remember agonizing over the fact that I had clearly crossed into the boundary of "intentional P" and that I will now have to reset the "P" portion of my "NoFap counter"!

So, while I'm a bit disappointed with myself for "failing the test" in my dream, I am very happy that my NoFap commitment has been internalized to such a deep level (and also that I, somehow, remained "dry" last night).

My deepest thanks, once again, to the NoFap leadership and entire community! I have now happily signed up for the November challenge and am becoming increasingly confident about achieving my 90-day goal. But even more than that: I am beginning to view the possibility of a PMO-free lifetime as something that is no longer necessarily limited to "superhumans"!