How do people with long streaks express their sexual needs in a healthy way?

We don't have sexual needs but only cravings for it that come and go. When you feel like you "need" that release, you truly don't. That's your porn addiction lying to you.

It's healthy and good to have a drive to find a wife, but any sexual urge outside that relationship can only harm you. So when these temporary urges happen, you want to learn to redirect them into positive action.

And regardless of what you do, they'll go away. It's not up to you or me to spend our days worrying when strong urges will show up again. And that's the real killer to your self-control: worrying not about the present moment but instead worrying about what future urges might maybe happen.

 

You have a drive for sex, not a need. You have a need for intimate relationships( think of babies in orphanages that were cared for but died anyway because they weren’t held and nurtured) or solitary confinement. That drive for sex gives you the motivation to seek out an intimate partner. You need close relationships. Connection is the opposite of addiction. Reframe how you look at sex, that may help you.

 

I agree with this.. I noticed in the past when I had a good date with a girl, with no sex, just closeness and hugging, that I had absolute zero desire for PMO. It was like I could see how much better true intimacy was to PMO.

However, the trick is, I have to really like the girl a lot, like truly, for this to work. Another problem is, that this good intimacy feeling wears off after a while when the girl no longer wanted to hang out in the past..

And when the good feeling wears off due to no contact, then it becomes hard to remember how it felt during the good feelings of intimacy... and then PMO comes in to try and fill the intimacy void. And I think here is where a lot of guys, including myself, get tricked!

And it is also hard to get intimacy from strangers or from people at work for example... sometimes people can be pretty cold on the inside... or at least really closed off from having "real" conversations... so then the single guy has no where to find intimacy.... except to turn to God...

But how would you describe God's intimacy? It doesn't seem very tangible in a lot of ways... there are some good, warm thoughts that come into my mind every once in a while.. but most of the time, its pretty bland... like being in a meadow with no trees, just lots of grass. Do you have any insight on being fulfilled emotionally/spiritually/intimately from just God alone? Without access to any other people?

 

I’m probably in the minority among Christian’s, but I don’t believe you can be fulfilled with just God alone. Here is why I think that. God walked with Adam. Adam was alone for a while in the garden( we don’t know how long). God is the one who said “ It is not good for man to be alone”. Why? This was before the fall even. If Adam had God why was it not good for Adam to be alone? I don’t know. But my husband refused any intimacy with me and it changed my life, change who I was, it felt like hell. I came from a close knit family, and for 10 years I focused on my marriage, my husband, I tried so hard to establish intimacy with him but he couldn’t. When I realized he was not going to change, I quit working at trying to connect with him and focused on God AND family and friends. I joined a gym, started going out with friends. I started connecting with others. Obviously not sexually, but I found people I could lean on. People who are there for me. I nurtured the relationships with my sisters, my parents. There are people all around, find those few that you can connect with. Go to SA meetings or Celebrate Recovery. Part of why you think things are bland is because of addiction. Nothing in my life would I describe as bland. Your relationship with God will be very similar to your closest relationship with another person. It will many times mirror those relationships, at least that is what I’ve found to be true. Sometimes it will be exciting, sometimes quiet, sometimes you’ll feel abandoned, you’ll get angry at him, blame him, your relationship with God has everything you experience with a person. We have a hard time grasping that. God is not a genie who waves his wand to fix everything in our life. He could. But he doesn’t. He wants that hard, dirty, angry moments just as much as we wants those light bright happy joyous moments. He wants all of you. Life becomes much less bland when you are clean and in recovery ( my husband says this repeatedly). Unfortunately, our society makes intimate close relationships very difficult for men to have( I’m talking about non sexual, non romantic , intimate relationships)We have taught men to hide their feelings. A prime example is the stereotype of women being more emotional. They aren’t. They are just allowed to express it because it’s accepted because they are women. You need intimate relationships not necessarily romantic.

 

Been off of porn over 4 months masturbate at times , some people quit both, I guess u got to find your way

 

I agree with her response and would just add that going deep with your church family relationships and getting to know more people there of all ages etc. is very helpful and a good thing to do regardless.

I've been reading a chapter of the old testament and a chapter of the new testament almost every day before breakfast, and highly recommend that or something like that every day to help dwell in God's will and his promises for you before they're fulfilled and learning to appreciate what he's already given you in the interim.

It certainly is hard to love God and feel loved by him in the same way as another person in this life, and He knows you need human relationships to thrive in this life. So do the best you can for now with what you've got

 

I think this kid of understanding of God where all you need is God is misinterpreted.
There could be 2 reasons for this, the first reason is we grow up in an overly irrelgious society despite what some ppl may claim that we live in a religious society, most people who claim to be religious just follow culture and the religion is more about the outward look than the inward actions, point being the culture and society has been for a long time athiestic, whereas only now are we really accepting that publicly.
Now the reason why people would make the claim you only need God you don't need a human, or whatever, is a serious error.
The main reason for this is we are seperating God from his creation, we are saying we only need God in the spiritual sense and we don't need any material things, now if this was true, than why eat? why drink? why sleep? why breathe? in actuality we need all these things to live, so a person claiming you only need God in the sense of spiritually is completely wrong
Now the main problem I have with this is that fact we are seperating God from the material, did God not create the material, guide it to act the way it does, build it with his strenght, use it to feed and clothe us, did God not create medicine and use it to cure us, did God not create the very souls and bodies we use to worship him and do things?
Everything in this universe belongs to God, anything we are given is from God and anything taken away from us is God preventing it from us.

So, when a person says I only need God I don't need this material thing, yes, in actuality we only need God because God is the only one who can benefit and harm us. But to forgo a material thing that benefits us because we only need God is stupid, since God is the one who made that material thing a benefit for us in the first place

Now to go onto my main point, Adam was lonely without eve, so God created for him a wife, but at the end of the day, it was God who gave him the wife, so we only ever only need God, but the way that works is through God giving us things we love and need, but in totality all these needs go back to God. So noone should say you don't need this thing you only need God, since God has created a need inside of you for this thing, it is for you to ackowledge that it comes from God

Also this kind of thing develops into extreme things, I am not christian but from observing christianity over the ages you can see pretty extreme people denounce this worldy life to devout themselves to God, although this isn't neccesirlly bad, for alot of people, this doesn't work, because God didn't create the only fulfillement and need in this life to be with the spiritual connect with him that being prayer etc.. God literally created us from the world, and created us with needs of the world, so to denounce something God made for you completely and deprive yourself of what he wanted for you and go extreme in killing yourself is not a good thing in general, the only time it is fine is if the person knows he can have these things but he decides it is better for himself to devout himself to this lifestyle.

 

You can be fulfilled with God alone but it isn't the same as human intimacy, at the end of the day God created us with needs for physical intimacy, thats why babies need their mothers to care for them physically and it is an essential part of life, its why we need food and water and clothes and baths and all the things that physically keep us healthy and warm,
for a person to asser you only need prayer and whatever is stupid, tell someone to only pray and not eat or drink or sleep they will die in a week.
God created us from the earth and created the earth for us, we are part soul part world, we have spiritual and wordly needs, intimacy with God is more being close with God in a spiritual sense, but this still leaves the wordly needs in you, since you are still a physical body, you still need food drink human interaction love etc..

To put it straight, being close with God doesn't contradict having worldy needs and fulfilling them, God is the one who gave you food, gave you a loving mother, gave you a house and human interaction, so you can get closer to God through your worldy needs as long as you understand its God who gave them to you.

Also being fulfilled only with God is something difficult for the average person, because it takes alot of sacrifice and you will miss out on alot of the wordly life, it takes dedication time and effort, a person must udnerstand what they are giving up, and a person can be fulfilled with God and still have worldy things, as long as they prioritise correctly

A life without a spouse and friends and only dedicating themselves to God is a sacrifice and only for some people, but it isn't for everyone, so do not thinkk you will be fulfilled with that lifestyle
Prayer and rememberance of God will not fulfill your sexual or physical needs, it may distract you away from them though and allow you to redirect your focus