Day 91. Here's how and why I got here.

So I haven't posted yet, this is actually my first post. And I'm so proud that it is. So this is also an intro post, so buckle in, it's a long one. Background: 27 y/o, in a committed 3 year relationship, and kinky individual having dabbled in nonmonogamy prior to.

I am one of those who has gone through puberty with porn. What that became was delayed ejaculation in all my adulthood, and later on PIED. Never got to orgasm through sex, or oral, because of my accumulation of death grip and conditioning to porn.

That was until I met my girlfriend 3 years ago. She was the first to make me reach an orgasm through oral, but looking back, I was visualizing porno imagery. From vaginal sex, the only time I came was when a porno was playing in the background, and that's when I realized, but didn't accept it. Never did much of anything to get better nor told her how I was. Our sex life was subpar and one-sided at best.

It got bad when we had to spend 9 months of 2022 apart, long distance. I had 0 affinity for phone sex/facetime sex/whatnot because I was so overstimulated with porn. I was going at least 3-4 times a day.

And when she got back, our first time trying sex, I was irritable, mean, limp, and quite terrible to her. Frustrated at my ineptitude to perform. And I let it out on her. Not in any physical way, thankfully, but verbally.

I was so embarrassed of myself and my behaviour that I decided enough was enough, and I wasn't going to risk losing the woman I love to this addiction. I am so lucky to have had her by my side and supporting me, because I'm not sure I'd have been this strong without her.

I had read and known about NoFap for a while, but I knew this was my chance. I came clean to her, about my addiction, and my path to recovery.

I decided to do a 90 day Hard mode, cold turkey. From that moment, no more orgasms. PMO.

But it wasn't clean: I peeked a lot. Like a lot a lot, but nothing mainstream, mostly amateur stuff on Fetlife and Reddit. Niche stuff, but homemade. I feel like that helped me get a more realistic grip on sex IRL. It ended up being a MO cleanse to be honest.

And I still peek. But all through the 90 days, not one single orgasm nor edging, no binge session on all the big studio websites, only occasional reddit binges, that I eventually managed to shut down at will.

Spoiler: Trigger warning

On day 91, she gave me 3 blowjobs. I came so quick. For the first time in my life, I lasted under 5 minutes, 3 times in 3 hours. I used to be the guy that never came and finished off to porn at home. Now, I'm so sensitive down there, I can't believe I was ever this quick to finish, or that I could've been if I just didn't have porn in my life.

And through my experience, I managed to keep my sexual identity alive. I still have the same kinks I once had, nothing's changed there. Still going to explore non-monogamy and my sexuality with my partner, but now, I know how to go about it in a safe, (sex) positive, and genuinely fulfilling way. I might allow myself to masturbate (no P though) in a few months, as we work on our newly rejuvenated sex life. What do you all think?

Anyhow, I hope this story shows you the extent to which everyone has their own paths, that this journey is yours to map out, and success is different to each and everyone. Your path to success is yours to define, and there's no reason you can't put your mind to the challenge.

Thank you for reading!