Dating sites & personals

Dating sites are a problem for me, too.

The only way I've been able to use them without driving myself crazy is to turn images off in my web browser.

I think it's a good practice anyway, because it forces me to read the girl's profile before seeing her pictures. If her profile sucks, I can easily ignore it without having to look at her pictures (and risk screwing my brain up).

 

I had the same problem and it contributed to a recent slip. Best action would be to unsubscribe or delete your accounts on the dating sites if you can. Don't give in, you're doing well.

 

At the beginning of quitting--especially at the beginning--EVERYTHING triggered me. OG, I don't think you should consider this a relapse. You recognized you were using this for a dopamine buzz, and stopped it. If you begin doing it on a regular basis....then yes, relapse. Today was just learning to live in the world we live in. Hypersexualized images are everywhere in the world we live in, so expecting to not experience that while quitting is unrealistic. We are going to experience it, we have to learn to quit while doing so, just be aware, if you go looking for it, you are using, and even if you don't completely relapse, the withdrawals are going to suck.

Don't reset that counter but be careful. You can make 100 days in a way it gets easier or you can make 100 in a way that is pure hell. Let's look at that, let's balance it...hell v. easy, hell v. easy.....OK, let's do easy. Keep going, porn is not an option.

Good luck on your journey.

PS: I expect you to make 100.

 

CL has been my recent NoFap vice. If you're interested, OG, you can read all about it in my journal. Check out Page 5 in particular. It was at its worst when I unknowingly went out with a hooker I met on there.

I've been using OkCupid for a while (9 months?), and it has led to me meeting and dating a few women. As long as you're not triggered by it, I don't think there's a problem with legitimate dating sites. This same logic could apply to the CL personals outside of casual encounters, like "women seeking men."

Casual Encounters itself is very pornographic and will provide your brain with internet dopamine. OG, did you reply to any of the ads? I've learned over the past couple weeks that just browsing it will give you that same haze and brain fog that a porn user experiences. You could argue that its a way to find real sexual partners, but 90% of those ads are from phishing bots or prostitutes, and the legitimate 10% consisting of real horny women that aren't looking for payment get so many messages from so many guys that the odds of them replying to you and actually meetings up are next to nothing. Its like playing the lottery.

My advice, if you're interested in online dating and can use them without being triggered, then by all means, check out OkCupid and Plenty of Fish. Even Tinder and CL's "women seeking men" section are legitimate in my opinion. But stay off casual encounters. It will slow your reboot and you will have nothing to show for it except wasted time.

 

I've been doing some of the same stuff with slightly provocative youtube videos. I wanted to keep watching because my mind misses porn so much but as soon as one of the videos on the sidebar was an 18+ video (w/ nudity) I X'ed it out without watching. I really really wanted to but I realized I was getting a rush from it. I did not personally reset my counter because I was able to stop myself.

 

I discovered the same thing today, I went to some dating websites and then after that I googled some images of other people, started looking of images of them on other websites, while I had the search filter on there was some partial nudity on the websites that were linked, and then probably under a minute or two I realized what I was doing (fantasizing) and closed the window.

I think I am going to stop frequenting any dating sites. While I am single and would like to be in a relationship, I'm not writing to many people on these sites anyway; I think I use it more to just look at the pictures even though my mind tries to rationalize it as something else. Once I am a few months out I can start using these sites again if I want to.

 

That's funny, the same exact thing happened to me yesterday. I jumped on CL for a legit reason (shopping for some used gear), wandered on over to casual encounters, and boom, there was a pornographic pic right in my face. Instant chemical kick in my brain. The thing is, when you feel that kick, you have to think of it not as something pleasureable, like a rush, but rather as a warning sign, a sign that your brain is actually just mistaking the porn for a real-life reward. I've found that to be the empowering thought process. I was able to instantly close CL when I saw that pic because I knew *exactly* what was going on. If you treat the dopamine rush as an alarm bell from your brain, I think it will be easier to recognize what's happening and walk way. Oh, and ditch CL! Good luck!

 

Thats a good idea. I usually skip reading profiles due to unattractive pics. I use the one at http://www.freedatinghelper.com/reviews/filipino-cupid/ and i would probably meet more people if i did that.

 

That's rough, mate.

Being gay, I have access to and use apps like Grindr, Scruff, Manhunt, Recon, et cetera. These are gay hook-up apps (but you can also use them just to make friends or to find guys to date). A lot of the guys on there, damn, they're ridiculously hot. Porn star hot. You know what's great about these apps, though? I can actually chat with these guys and, in that way, humanize them. Transform them from objects of lust in my mind into human beings. So while these apps may be dangerous for some, they're ironically really helpful to me. I'm learning to change my entirely outlook on men and I'm really happy about it.