Confused about Rebooting

Hi,

Some people don't give up sex with their partners when they reboot. However, this may trip up the progress you're trying to make in your brain. You aren't just trying to quit porn, you're trying to heal your brain from the effects of the massive amounts of dopamine you've been bathing it in for the past 15 years. Once your brain has heal, then is a better time to reconnect with your wife, imho.

The other problem with having sex while rebooting is the Chaser Effect. The Chaser Effect is another dopamine-based effect where people crave more orgasms after having an orgasms. It's one of the most commonly experienced pitfalls here. If you have sex with your wife, you may very well crave more orgasms, and you may seek those orgasms via porn/masturbation if you can't get them with your wife.

On the point of masturbation, again, some people only give up porn and not masturbation. And, again, that's going to slow your reboot because you're still periodically bathing your brain in dopamine. Remember, on a fundamental level your brain isn't hooked on porn, or masturbation, or sex. Your brain is hooked on dopamine. But because of the way you've wired your head by looking at porn, porn gives you the biggest rush of dopamine -- but it's prudent, during the reboot, to stay away from ALL rushes of dopamine, including masturbation and orgasm.

You might want to look into non-orgasmic sexual play with your partner. You can find out more about a practice called karezza at reuniting.info. Karezza allows you to still have intercourse with your partner, but without orgasm. The advantage of this is twofold, first, you are still withdrawing from the dopamine rush of orgasm, secondly, you still get to have physical intimacy with your wife, which promotes another neurotransmitter, oxytocin. Oxytocin is the so-called "love chemical" (where dopamine is the so-called "pleasure chemical"). Non-orgasmic intimacy with your wife, whether through karezza or just cuddling and hanging out, is going to build up feelings of love without washing your head in dopamine.

BTW, congratulations on 11 days! I'm glad you reached out and tried to learn more. That is exactly the attitude that's going to get you through this! There is always something more to learn. Good luck!

 

Hello, just to make that clear, you can have sex without orgasm and ejaculation! It gives you great pleasure, great feeling of connection, great control over yourself and it can last for hours !

And yes, orgasm really gives you dopamine like a drug. That's why I also stand away from orgasms.

 

Do you practice karezza, by any chance? I've never tried it.

 

Yes I do ! Actually, I deeply enjoy it (the word "practice" sounds a little bit technical ) ,
So yes, I can really recommend to try it. It's unusual at first, but once you have learned to let the waves come and go, then it's such a pleasure for you and your woman!

 

Does it always involve intercourse, or are there karezza techniques that don't?

My girlfriend and I "practice" a lot of sex play, but she's saving intercourse for marriage. Since I've started Hard Mode, she's actually expressed interest in doing more stuff without orgasm, as well, and we've had one session of non-orgasmic play, which was very satisfying.

I'd be interested in finding out more about karezza if I knew it offered non-orgasmic non-intercourse techniques.

 

I think the term "Karezza" is meant to include intercourse. Basically it goes back to some taoistic / asiatic ideas that man and woman "unite" and transform their energies, etc. But then, it is also just a wonderful way to enoy your time together. So I wouldn't take it too literally. Just enjoy sex play, with or without intercourse, enjoy a good time together.