i dont think it will ever go

So, someone treated you like you were an object when you were a child, like you had no worth as a person. And now you find yourself so identified with that notion that you've continued to think of yourself as an object in need of repair. You are not alone in experiencing hurt like this, and I swear to you, others have been able to move beyond it and so can you.

I need to tell you, whether you believe me or not: you are not that child any longer. And not only that, *you never were that child.* What I mean by this is, you never were the child the abuser thought you were. You never were an object. You aren't an object now. You are not a broken object, you are a wounded human being, worthy of love and compassion!

NoFap's community can help you stay on track with your addiction, but dealing with abuse might be a little beyond what most of us are used to. I highly recommend you check out 1in6.org. You will there find a community of men who were victims of childhood abuse and healed.

Big ((((Internet hugs)))), best of luck, and I hope to see you around.

 

I agree with Stealing the Key. Good stuff. Have you ever got some counseling to work through the abuse? That could be very helpful. BTW- the group that is most susceptible to porn are older college students and grad students because they have to put themselves out there and show their teachers and peers that they are competent. It can be a huge trigger for shame and feelings of low self-worth. I wonder if you got hit with a "shame storm", a storm of thoughts and feelings that basically say, "I suck", "I'm incompetent", and "I can't do this." Sound familiar? It's a HUGE trigger for most guys. Regroup and determine to keep going. Study more closely your triggers and make sure you guard yourself against them. Writing a paper and studying for a test may be a trigger for you. Best!