New to the Community

Hi Everyone,

Hello everyone,

My name is Aaron. I never thought I would be here or that I had a problem, but my most recent actions and their potential consequences have made me realize that I need some sort of help. I believe I am a sex addict of some sort. My story will be long and drawn out so please bear with me.

I began masterbating around the age of 14. Magazines, pictures the internet were all a haven for me to feel great about myself. I used to masterbate multiple times a day, even in places around my house where my parents could walk in on me at any moment. I really had no self control, but I did not realize this was an issue.

I have not had many positive relationships with the opposite sex throughout my life. I have been cheated on and mistreated and I think this drove my further into my obsession with masterbating. As I grew into my 20s I used to sit for hours at my computer in college and just download pornography or watch streaming videos.

My obsession began to drive me to do things more out of the ordinary. I would create email accounts with made up names and scour the casual encounters section of craigslist. Soon I joined other sites that dealt with one night stands and other sexual behavior. While I did not follow through with any of this, I continued to do it and masterbate.

Upon reaching my mid 20s is when things took a turn for the worse. I began to patrol more websites that would lead to sexual behavior such as massage parlours and swinger sites. I eventually lost my virginity (yes I never had sex in a relationship prior to my mid 20s) at an asian massage parlour. I then began to meet with couples or women I had met on swingers sites or craigslist. There was even a time that I had unprotected sex during a swingers encounter. I felt shame and humiliation after each encounter but I kept looking for more. Somehow I managed to avoid contracting any form of std during this time period.

Then when I had pretty much hit rock bottom morally and spiritually, the good Lord sent me an angel. I met the most wonderful woman I could ever ask for, and she has made me into a better person. She has brought me back to God and shown me how great of a person I am and that life is so much more amazing when you can share it with someone you love. She is the best thing to ever happen to me.

However, some disturbing trends still continued. I still masterbate to pornography frequently. We do not live in the same town, so I am not able to see her on a regular basis and I never thought it was a big deal to masterbate even while in a relationship. It began to take its toll on our sex life, as at times I could not become aroused while with her. I was able to stop using porn for a while but came back to it eventually.

The last straw was recently when I became highly intoxicated and paid for a form of gratification. I have potentially exposed both her and myself to danger, and could cause the destruction of the best thing to ever happen to me. I have realized that I have a problem and that I need some form of help.

I'm sorry for the long post (and if there was any posting etiquette that I did not observe). Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments. I am open to questions and always willing to listen. Hopefully speaking about this will help me to make the changes that I need in life.

 

Thanks for the support guys!