Dealing with Auto-Flirt

Boy this is a tough question, and something I struggle with as well.

I would say you're right to acknowledge that your actions weren't appropriate for a man who's in a committed relationship. As far as advice for how to proceed in the future... I think it can differ with every person, really. As difficult as this is... I'm a huge advocate for honesty. If you're feeling guilty and you're serious about wanting to make sure not to cross any boundaries, I would consider talking to the girls about it. By that I mean, perhaps it would be a good idea to tell your girlfriend what happened and apologize? Perhaps it would be a good idea to apologize to the other girls and let them know that you have a girlfriend, if they don't know already?

To be clear, these are very vague suggestions... they might be terrible advice, depending on what your relationships are like with these girls and such. I don't know the whole situation.

I would say that the main thing I try to make a conscious effort of doing when I'm feeling a bit too flirty is to make the nature of my relationship status very clear. Sometimes it can be awkward to bring up if you're not on the topic, but a casual, "Oh, yeah, I was just talking to my girlfriend about that last night," or something to that effect is a probably a good idea. (This is assuming they don't already know you have a girlfriend.) Once everyone knows you're happily in love (or like or whatever if you haven't dropped the "L" bomb yet), then even if your instincts get the better of you and you do something questionable, it's easier to bounce back, and the girl is more likely to not encourage further flirtation.

Anyway, hope some of that helps. Sounds like your heart is pure, but it's tough to be a flirt! Haha for me, personally, I've taken more drastic measures, and I don't really have many male friends anymore, at least not ones I spend time with alone. In addition, I usually tell my husband about any conversation I might be feeling uncomfortable about keeping private. I don't always tell him, "Hey, I'm telling you this because this guy is hot and I feel guilty for talking to him," but I at least want him to know that conversation is taking place, because secrecy is an all-too-simple path to deceit.

 

If you were to causally mention to your girlfriend that you were flirting with other girls, do you think she'd be okay with it?
I'm guessing not.

As to how to stop? Learn self control. Seeing as how you're on NoFap, I'm assuming you know a little about that

 

What does playfully pinching somebody mean when you're an adult that sounds incredibly weird

 

I can picture it... Maybe you're just not flirting right lol jk

 

Something happens when you're on a streak. It's like you're a completely different person, that sexual energy needs an outlet, and with you maybe is flirting. I wouldn't worry much about it

 

Wouldn't having sex with his girlfriend make more sense?

 

That's not really always an option at any given moment.

 

Sex it's not the only thing you can do with that energy. Expand your horizons

 

So flirting with other girls is a better outlet for it?? what...

 

That's right!

 

I would say that harmless banter is okay. Touching is probably not though. A lot of people don't really enjoy random touch from another person. It's kind of weird. So I would really try to keep your hands to yourself. I guess this is an extension of the 'seeing women as objects' aspect of your addiction. I'm sure you saw it as a playful pinch but having been on the end of many a drunken club grope, I can tell you that it doesn't always feel that way for the woman. I for one find it really intimidating. That does depend on your level of relationship with these girls but it still might be a little uncomfortable. Try to remember that next time you're flirting. A little flirty chat is fine. Lots of people are flirty by nature. As long as it doesn't cross any boundaries it's okay.

 

I'm surprised by some of the responses to this. At the time, you knew instinctively that it was "odd". But several comments above seem to think that physically touching another person in a sexual way is no big deal. To me it is quite shocking!

 

I agree with @IGY here.

If anyone pinches me on the bum the reaction they get will be, at best, an evil death glare and at worst a slap in the face or a drink poured down your front. Disrespectful men are not attractive at all.

You need to be very careful. In the workplace, this would be very dangerous for your career. Who wants to hire someone who has been fired for sexual harassment? Elsewhere, it could also get you into a lot of trouble as well. If it is an automatic thing you do you need to do something to stop it before you get yourself into strife.