Getting a hang of no PMO

OK,

Just a shortish rundown of me and PMO... don't want to make a big deal of my life story. I know I'm not unique when it comes to PMO addiction.

I'm 31 and been looking at porn for 20 years
Porn definitely destroyed my last relationship of 5 years.
porn browsing sessions could last 6+ hours at a time. Often into the early hours of the morning.
like many, I have suffered from low self-esteem, nervousness, confidence issues, severe depression, moderate and mild throughout my life. I did as a child anyway but it worsened is certain respects as I got older and my access and urge to PMO grew.

I won't deny, this has ruined me right through to my core. I hope that if I ever have kids I can warn them of serious implications and inhibiting effects Porn and masturbation dependency brings.

Right now>> I'm on day 10 of no (M) and day 2 of no (P)

Porn relapses have been hard. urges are always there. All Porn is gone. I've pretty much had enough because this is the 3rd time I've deleted everything, but I assure anyone reading this it's definitely the last time I'll be looking at anything. I'm not going back.

Right now life couldn't get more dull. I only have one friend left in the city I live, I've become pretty isolated, I have serious hang ups about my body image (I'm not over weight or anything, it's a stupid perfectionist thing) I can't bring myself to date' anyone. I've tried dating but every time my confidence gets seriously knocked. I've been single for about 6 years now. now 31 and it's fucking lonely, more so because I can't envisage an end in sight.

Luckily, I don't drink or take drugs, which is probably a big helper.

Anyway, I don't know what I'll really achieve my unloading this info but maybe It's something I kind of have to do.

BTW, for me this isn't a challenge me in the sense of short-term affairs, I'll be happy when I hit 30 days and then 90 and so on but ultimately this is a change for life.

 

Thanks Alpha_60. I know I must sound really low in my post but I guess I just wanted to show where I've come from to from. I'm on a rise in life and I see things happening. Thanks for the link as well, that seems like a really great source for opening new social doors.

This is a very useful site. Something I probably should have made use of a long time ago. I guess in the to put it in a very simple way, previous behaviours have been useless, porn is useless, it has no long term benefit. Over indulgence, if it's in excess it's probably hurting you, unless of course it's adding good resources to your life.

So anyone who is like me and has had a past experience like this or even slightly similar, ask yourself, is this thing that i'm doing useful? is it useful long term. If not, reject it, and immediately replace it with something creative, giving and nurturing.