1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Tips on how to defeat INFERIORITY COMPLEX?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Jreeze2015, Nov 26, 2015.

  1. Jreeze2015

    Jreeze2015 Fapstronaut

    63
    41
    18
    I am doing nofap. Currently about 2 weeks without watching porn. Over the last 3 years I have developed this sort of inferiority complex. I am 5"9 150 pounds, scrawny, have a very young "cute" face and I am 21 years old. I have had a decent amount of success with women. Have had sex with 15 and had a beautiful girlfriend of 2 years that just dumped me 7 months ago. Unfortunately, I am still heart broken by it and it sucks because everyone tells me to "man up" and move on since she has. I wish their was a button to just turn off the love I have for this girl but their isn't.

    Another thing that makes me feel like less of a man is that I can't grow a beard. My facial hair is very patchy and most of my other friends have good beards. I don't know why but when I see another dude that's taller than me, more fit, has a thick full beard, looks more masculine than me I feel so inferior. I constantly feel dominated and submissive around dudes that are more masculine than me. And it sucks because I know it's all in my head. I constantly have these negative thoughts about myself. Ever since my girlfriend dumped me for another guy I have suffered from low self esteem. Even when I was with her I would avoid going out a lot, I hate being around a lot of people as I find it nerve wracking. I'm socially anxious and I'd rather be home most of the time

    I can't live life like this. I feel inferior in so many ways. My ex dumped me because I wasn't "alpha" enough, I wasn't calm and collected enough, I wasn't adventurous enough, I wasn't cool in my own skin. It kills me because I lost such a beautiful girl and it was all my fault.

    What boggles my mind is that I use to be not like this. I use to love going out with friends, going to clubs, meeting girls. I didn't care what other people about me, I didn't care about how masculine I was. I guess it's because as a teen at the time I didn't need to be the most alpha. My good looking cute face got me a lot of girls, but now as I grow up i have noticed girls want that more masculine man who is calm, confident, socially adventurous, etc. I just don't know how to be him. I don't know why I feel so inferior all of a sudden. Why I'm constantly intimidated by other men. I have become so socially withdrawn, especially since giving up porn these last two weeks. Even Thanksgiving Eve night I stayed in instead of going to the bars where I know hundreds of people would be. It's like I just don't care anymore. Will NoFap help with this? I have been watching porn since I was 12 and now I am 21. I watched it daily. Has my brain changed due to all the porn I've watched and caused this? Does anybody have any tips? Success stories?
     
  2. Hey there, Jreeze,

    Sorry you're feeling so down on yourself, man.

    NoFap won't put all those things right. But it will give you a better chance of dealing with them. You haven't described your porn use, so I don't know the extent of it - do you consider youself an addict? Are you using it to try to "deal with" (really run away from and mask) those problems you talk about?

    Well done on two weeks, that's a great start.

    You can learn a lot about your brain at Your Brain on Porn, and I found Noah Church's book Wack, useful on this sort of stuff.

    Exercise and meditation are the most popular new activities for guys here to take up. Are you giving them a go? They'll do you loads of good.

    Take care, and time heals a lot of heartbreak. :)
     
  3. Going super saiyan

    Going super saiyan Fapstronaut

    73
    65
    18
    1. Forget about being "alpha".

    Did your girlfriend tell you you weren't being "alpha" enough. No, she didn't, because I've never heard of a girl using the term Alpha male. Only guys care about that stuff.

    The only way you achieve the Alpha brain frequency is to be authentic. Be yourself, and accept yourself. Those who have an ego and try to act Alpha will never be 100% comfortable in their own skin. Only those who don't care about societal standards and act like themselves will.

    2. Those who reject you aren't superior to you.

    3. You're only inferior if you feel that way.

    Forget about trying to be as good as others. Become the strongest version of yourself, and remember that fitting in with others is over rated. Most people are just people who try to act normal to fit in, which makes them weak.
     
  4. Jreeze2015

    Jreeze2015 Fapstronaut

    63
    41
    18
    I have watched porn since I was 12 years old. I watched it basically for 7 years straight up until the point where I noticed my erections even to porn were getting weaker. So from 12-19 I watched it at least 3 times a week, even more from ages 13-17.

    The thing is most if not all of my problems started to arise once I realized I was having difficulty getting it up in real life and even too porn. I started to feel less and less sexual, girls weren't turning me on like they use too, I didn't know what was going on. My self esteem took a total dive. Exercise I have tried. I always seem to give up. I have seen good results just working out for a month doing heavy weight training like squats bench press dead lift etc. I am going to go back to that as I am tired of being skinny. Thanks for your advice
     
    Getter Better likes this.
  5. Jreeze2015

    Jreeze2015 Fapstronaut

    63
    41
    18
    How do I stop myself from letting myself feel inferior? I can clearly see that I'm not but I have this negative self talk feedback loop that always puts me down. It's like my mind is in overdrive and analyzes every little single thing. I don't know what's wrong with me
     
  6. Going super saiyan

    Going super saiyan Fapstronaut

    73
    65
    18
    You cannot stop yourself feeling anything initially.

    What you need to do is be aware of the feeling when it comes, accept it 100% and realise it's just a feeling. You don't have to take it seriously. Eventually the feeling will subside as your reaction to it changes.

    Try meditation. During the meditation, you will likely come face to face with the feelings that bother you. You need to learn to be mindful of your thoughts and feelings and accept them without judgment.

    These meditations really helped me -

     
  7. yep, I just want to be me, do what I do, and not to worry about the others.
     
  8. James232

    James232 Fapstronaut

    145
    139
    43
    What worked best for me was seeing people as less. I think I subconsciously put people on a pedestal as being 'perfect' or simply better than me. That's obviously not true. Doing this puts me on a level playing field. When I was on my 80 day streak I was actually super confident. I was starting to see myself as MORE than most people; as arrogant as it sounds. But that's confidence I guess, right?
     
  9. alpha_60

    alpha_60 Fapstronaut

    99
    43
    18
    I thought I would throw in an idea here Jreeze, that you could be hanging out with better people. Are they good people? Do they genuinely care about you, your future, your well-being? Does the group you hang out with actively judge people in ways where you feel you don't or can't measure up, so that's it not just you but them, too? If so, then think about expanding your horizon by seeking out people who aren't like that. 21 is a transitional time, where people make new connections and abandon old ones as they figure themselves out as adults -- I agree with the other posters that the most important thing is to become the strongest version of yourself that you can, on your own terms.
     
  10. Phibz

    Phibz Fapstronaut

    538
    432
    63
    Dude, you are extremely young. Relax. I'm 46 and I've just found myself. You can save yourself way before I did. There are different perceptions as to what "alpha" is. It really doesn't have anything to do with dominance. You can have feminine physical characteristics and be 100% alpha on the inside. An alpha male is one that is very much in touch with reality. Compassion is a huge alpha characteristic. True compassion means that you see your peers as an extension of yourself, leaves from the same tree. You dance to the beat of your own drum. You're not influenced by the opinions of others. It's not about all this macho shit that you've probably been hearing. An alpha is confident because of his sense of awareness. He's sees women, as well as his peers, as equals. Not because he thinks he's a badass. You probably had low self-esteem before this girl. Being in love is dangerous. It obscures what is real. Learn how to truly love yourself. That's alpha. When you can learn to love yourself, then you will be confident. Confident in knowing that you can go out in the world with something to offer others. I think Nofap is a great start.
     
    Nouvel Homme likes this.
  11. nomo

    nomo Fapstronaut

    1,308
    1,192
    143
    Your problem is 100% mental, but I suggest that you start working out with weights, eating a lot of protein, and putting on some muscle. It's silly to think that you need to be stronger to become "alpha", but you may feel better when you look in the mirror and see the muscle growth that you have created. Working on your mind and how you think will cure you, but working on your body will give you some confidence.
     

Share This Page