NoFap

  1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Another Gentleman of Misfortune

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Master Bates, Dec 4, 2015.

  1. Dec 4, 2015 #1
    Master Bates

    Master Bates Fapstronaut

    14
    9
    3
    Good day to everyone on this forum!
    It has taken me quite some time to accept this painful truth: That I have a problem with PMO. My problem with this is twofold:

    1. I have used PMO in the past to cope with the loneliness I felt. I've had a few relations in the past, but they usually didn't last long. At the best of times I felt really depressed, at the worst of times I felt genuine hatred towards those happy couples who seemed to had everything I wanted. And if someone was unwise enough to utter those horrid words: "Don't worry, you'll find love too..." well let's justs say I had to supress a few unsavoury thoughts :)

    2. When it comes to the P part of PMO, it was always the 'softer' material that got my attention, especially those independant French "art" (*cough cough*) movies. Leave it to the bloody French to destroy a man's mind... ;) I have always found harder material to be quite appalling, and I'm glad that I do. Still, this is not an excuse not to take action.

    I'm glad I found this forum, if not in the least part because this means that I'm not the only one dealing with loneliness and wrongly using PMO to cope with this. Wandering a desert is always easier in good company. And, if I can help others to overcome their problems on this forum, so much the better!

    Now, on to the challenge part! Since I'm a huge history fan, I've decided on -for starters- a 40 day complete abstination from PMO. Why 40 days? Well, the Israelites spend 40 years in the desert before reaching the Holy Land, and Christ Himself spent 40 days in the desert. Of course, my challenge won't be nearly as daunting!

    I've heard of the 90 days "standard" over here but I want to try this challenge first, if only for morale reasons. After the 40 day's I'll be curious to see if I can go further! We shall have to see :)

    At the moment of writing I've completed 4 days (I started December 1st). I'm feeling fine at the moment, but of course the heavy part is yet to come. Then again, I like a challenge!

    My apologies for the long post, I feel better now that I've typed it. And finally: best of luck to anyone struggling to overcome your problems! I know you can do it!
     
    Master Bates, Dec 4, 2015
    Master Bates, Dec 4, 2015
    #1
    TakingTheSteps and JoePineapples like this.
  2. Dec 4, 2015 #2
    Happy Gnome

    Happy Gnome Guest

    Welcome to the desert of your soul, Master Bates! Can I stay if I like? There's room for one more. :p

    That's a quote from a Hasidic Reggae artist named Matisyahu, and it has always struck me with its wisdom. There are many deserts in our lives, but often a friend arriving at the right time, or a kind word at the right moment can be as good as a drink of water. I hope this forum will be that to you, Master Bates. It has for me. There are great people here, each one which wants to see you succeed in your journey.

    I'd reccomend starting at our Porn Addiction page to learn what's going on in your brain, and then move onto our Rebooting page for great tips on what to do during your reboot. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me! I wish you all the best on your reboot and, again, welcome!

    Don't forget Buddha mediating under the bodhi tree for 40 days! And the ancient Egyptian belief that it took forty days for the soul to be free of the physical body. :)
     
    Happy Gnome, Dec 4, 2015
    Happy Gnome, Dec 4, 2015
    #2
    brucecarlmurray and JoePineapples like this.
  3. Dec 4, 2015 #3
    Master Bates

    Master Bates Fapstronaut

    14
    9
    3
    Thank you for your kind words, sir! That is exactly how I feel about this place: a friend in need. It is far easier to confess one has a problem in a place where he knows he won't be mocked for it. I hope I can help others with their challenges as well.

    Both of them excellent examples! Yet more reasons for me to complete this challenge :)
     
    Master Bates, Dec 4, 2015
    Master Bates, Dec 4, 2015
    #3
  4. Dec 4, 2015 #4
    taqwa

    taqwa Fapstronaut

    1,405
    1,438
    143
    taqwa, Dec 4, 2015
    taqwa, Dec 4, 2015
    #4
  5. Dec 5, 2015 #5
    Master Bates

    Master Bates Fapstronaut

    14
    9
    3
    Thank you for your support, I really appreciate it! I've created a log on this forum to monitor my progress, and where I can share the lessons I've learned so far. I hope it can help others as well.

    You seem to be doing quite well, Taqwa! Only a few more days untill you have reached your goal, stay strong and perservere! I know you can do it, don't give up now!
     
    Master Bates, Dec 5, 2015
    Master Bates, Dec 5, 2015
    #5
    taqwa and JoePineapples like this.
  6. Dec 5, 2015 #6
    expedendeavour

    expedendeavour Fapstronaut

    63
    29
    18
    I'll definitely be following your journey, Master Bates!! Love your profile pic by the way.
     
    expedendeavour, Dec 5, 2015
    expedendeavour, Dec 5, 2015
    #6
  7. Dec 5, 2015 #7
    Master Bates

    Master Bates Fapstronaut

    14
    9
    3
    Thank you! Are you keeping a log here as well? I'd sure be interested in it!
     
    Master Bates, Dec 5, 2015
    Master Bates, Dec 5, 2015
    #7
  8. Dec 5, 2015 #8
    expedendeavour

    expedendeavour Fapstronaut

    63
    29
    18
    I am, indeed keeping a log here! In the 20-24 journals section... its called 'Endeavour', mostly because I like that word, and 'endeavour' implies risk and sweat and toil, as compared to the much more boring, 'trying'. Anyway, have a great day, sir!
     
    expedendeavour, Dec 5, 2015
    expedendeavour, Dec 5, 2015
    #8
  9. Dec 5, 2015 #9
    Master Bates

    Master Bates Fapstronaut

    14
    9
    3
    Indeed, especially as word trying implies the possibility of failure. And that, of course, is entirely unacceptable ;)
    The same to you, good sir!
     
    Master Bates, Dec 5, 2015
    Master Bates, Dec 5, 2015
    #9
    expedendeavour likes this.
  10. Dec 5, 2015 #10
    taqwa

    taqwa Fapstronaut

    1,405
    1,438
    143
    Thanks for the words of encouragement. It really helps a lot. I look forward to reading from your log. Gratitude for sharing! Stay strong! Win!
     
    taqwa, Dec 5, 2015
    taqwa, Dec 5, 2015
    #10
    HippyMinstrel likes this.
  11. Dec 6, 2015 #11
    brucecarlmurray

    brucecarlmurray Fapstronaut

    38
    37
    18
    Don't apologise for the long post, express yourself how you see fit, besides which I write pretty long posts myself. As I'll now demonstrate...

    There's a line from a Smiths song (How soon is Now?), which is contains one side of a dialogue about placating language from friends about despair and loneliness, which was covered for the 90s film The Craft, and was subsequently used in the Aaron Spelling rip-off Charmed, "You say it's gonna happen Now - well, what exactly do you mean? -see: I've already waited too long - and all my hope is gone". There is no understanding loneliness, unless you have experienced it yourself. I can empathise, as I've experienced the same feelings towards supportive happily coupled people in my long, long journey into hermitude.

    I've only been a member here less than 2 weeks (without a counter or a calendar I'm really losing track of time), but the change in habits and improved brain function has been astonishing. I'm studying at University and before yesterday I could not hold a 5-word quote in my head, long enough to transfer it to a secondary document. I don't feel as depressed or world-weary or physically exhausted, and that's after 10 or so days without PMO.

    If you haven't already, check out Gary Wilson's website 'yourbrainonporn' and his Tedx talk, concerning "the porn experiement". Those lectures really resonated with my experience and gave me a powerful perspective to abstain from PMO with a relative level of comfort. There are difficult days, but I feel a whole lot better than the worse I used to feel being triggered by ANYTHING that came onto the TV (Star Trek TNG is a major trigger).

    I most definitely surfed a lot of hardcore porn, but there was also a lot of softcore edging, you will not be alone here in regards to your softcore, subtitled PMO preferences. The journey that we all share here is An unhealthy relationship with Porn (or masturbatory material), Masturbation and Orgasm. . Support and Advice can be found here if you need it. Best of Luck in your ambition
     
    brucecarlmurray, Dec 6, 2015
    brucecarlmurray, Dec 6, 2015
    #11
  12. Dec 6, 2015 #12
    TakingTheSteps

    TakingTheSteps Guest

    Firstly, I adore your rhetoric.

    Secondly, welcome!

    Thirdly, I love the symbolism for choosing 40 days. I was wondering, today, what I will increase my next goal to once I've past these first ten days. I think I'll join you on your 40 day journey.

    And lastly, my buddy @yoyo1 is a history fan as well. You two might get along rather nicely. He's a nice guy -- drop him a note sometime, if you choose!
     
    TakingTheSteps, Dec 6, 2015
    TakingTheSteps, Dec 6, 2015
    #12
  13. Dec 6, 2015 #13
    Master Bates

    Master Bates Fapstronaut

    14
    9
    3
    To both Brucecarlmurray and TakingThe Steps: my sincere thanks for your words of encouragment! It strenghtens my resolve knowing my troubles (and actions, of course!) are known by others as well. As a familiar saying goes: 'Shared pain is only half the pain.'

    Brucecarlmurray, I confess I did not know of the song you spoke. I am familiar with both the film and the series, however. And I am definitely familiar with the changes you describe! Even though it has only been a mere six days for me so for, it is as if I 'know' somehow that this is the right course for me. This forum has definately contributed to that feeling, and perhaps because of it this new course doesn't feel like a struggle at al - more like an awakening! Though it is easy to feel envigourated when one has yet to begin to run a marathon ;)

    TakingTheSteps, thank you for your suggestion. It is always nice to meet a fellow history fan!

    And of course the best of luck to both of you! You can be sure that I'm rooting for both of you :)
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2015
    Master Bates, Dec 6, 2015
    Master Bates, Dec 6, 2015
    #13
    brucecarlmurray and TakingTheSteps like this.

Share This Page