How do you get her out of your mind?

I am assuming you know about "oneitis" ? If not, you should do google. The only way to get her off of your mind is trying other activities or start talking to more than just one girl.

 

I think you're talking about lusting after girls. Just look at their face and when I mean look, really look. Men tend to over sexualize the women we see as attractive. Look them in the eye. You might think it's creepy but it's not. Don't scan her body, only her face. Look at her blemishes and tell yourself that there's a better girl out there. What this does is that you take her off her pedestal. You realize she's as human as you are. So you look at women not as objects but as people you can communicate and bond with. Build self confidence first if you want to handle this.

 

Look, In the bible Jesus said that If you look a woman and lust after her you have already committed adultery with her in your heart. I believe He said this because He knew how the Lust for a Woman can be Extremely dangerous. All of us in nofap are Suffering because we Lusted on Women. You can get her out of your mind. Keep going.

 

Maybe try talking to her. Next time try talk to her. Develop a understanding of her that extends beyond lusting for her. We are here for you

 

Hey man, to be honest, I think you're just suffering a bit from Nice Guy syndrome. I can relate to you personally. Here's my advice: forget about this girl that you like. You already like her too much to be able to have much success with her. You're putting her on a pedestal.

You need to branch out, as the others said. Start talking to more girls. Eventually you'll see that you have something to offer that many girls would be interested in, and you won't feel like your fate is depending on this one girl.

I know it sounds difficult, but it doesn't have to be a huge step in the beginning. If you're in public, and you need to ask someone a question, like what time is it, or for directions, or whatever, just look around and if there's a cute girl nearby, ask her instead of whoever else is there. I've gotten so many numbers this way without even intending to (seriously, I have a girlfriend, I wasn't trying to. but this could also be caused by the Has A Girlfriend Syndrome..)

Anyway, just start making random chat with girls. Make a point to make it random chat. When you approach a girl, think "I'm just going to talk to her, that's it, I'm not trying anything, not expecting anything, just going to ask her something/say something to her and we'll go on our separate ways". If you have this mentality, if you already know that nothing is actually going to come out of this interaction, then girls will be much more attracted to you, I guarantee it. If you're coming up to them thinking, "I wish I had her number.. I wish I could get her number.." they will smell it. Just forget about that and just talk to them as people.

You're an engineer, just think about it probabilistically. You like a girl, but you probably have like 30% change of getting with her, especially if she's really hot. She'll probably turn you down if you talk to her.

But, if you seriously have a 30% chance of getting with a hot girl... Better start talking to hot girls then! 0.3 + 0.3 + 0.3 + 0.3 ... etc. (that's how it works, right? I'm a little fuzzy on prob. theory lol)

I tell you not to talk to her, because you will get too crushed if she says no. Start talking to other girls first, see if you meet someone else, and then later on down the line, you can talk to her and see how it goes.

That's my advice, anyway. I don't know you or this girl or anything, I'm just going off some of the stuff you said so far. Do what you think is best. Good luck!

 

When I want to get things out of my head I write them down in explicit detail on paper, and then I burn the paper. This will release the heavy impression in the mind and takes the emotion with it.

 

No that's not how probability theory works. This is how it works: 30% chance of success=70% chance of failure.

Chance of success with one girl: 1-0.7=0.3
Chance of success with at least one of two girls: 1-0.7^2=1-0.49=0.51
Chance of success with at least one of three girls: 1-0.7^3=1-0.343=0.657
....
Chance of success with at least one of 50 girls: 1-0.7^50=0.999999982

 

Hello...boy can I relate. I was a virgin until nearly 22 and was in the same boat as you ... objectifying, fantasizing. In my mind sometimes I would meet them and in the matter of 30 seconds I see us getting kissing, holding hands, getting married and having kids ... until the next girl brought that to my mind.

I think the reason for me was I was a loner growing up and bought into the "fantasy Hollywood endings" in romantic movies. And wanted it in my life as well. My thing I was never happy with myself...being alone. Once I started looking into the mirror and truly loving what I see in the reflection, I stopped objectifying women. It took a long time for that to happen for me, but it was mostly due to the fact that I had support (I go to Sex and Love Addiction Anon.) and learned that I wasn't alone and learned from other shares. This community should help you as well.

I go to church as well (more for its moral teachings than a true follower)... and one of the lessons was the man in the mirror where God Loves You, God forgives you, God holds you to high moral standards... then the next week it was You looking at yourself ... I love You (myself) ... I forgive you (myself for my wrong doings) and I hold myself to high moral standards... and with that simple exercise I have completely changed. This is my first post as I am coming up on 32 years of porn addiction and want to finally stop... but I simply wanted to share what has helped me on the women front and how I stopped objectifying.

Thank you... Umightaswellfaceit