Done with it..

Hello everyone, I've been addicted to porn since the 8th grade.. I'm now 30. It hurts to even see that in words. I guess I've always lived under the ellusion that "everyone does it" or "it's perfectly normal". So I guess it helps to call it what it actually is- an addiction. I've struggled in relationships all of my life. I never really was considered attractive all throughout school.. As a result I never had any girlfriends, so naturally I turned to the only women that were attainable. I've really only ever been in one serious relationship in my life. Looking back I can see that it ended mostly because of my emotional indifference to her. I mean why would I invest time in her when there are plenty of others out there that I don't have to work for. That attitude is why I'm done with pornography.. I don't care about anything anymore - relationships, hobbies, goals. I just feel like I live sea of grey. Never to happy, never to sad... Right there in the middle. I've tried to quit before and I remember how it felt to finally enjoy doing other things beside masturbating. I want that feeling back. But always seemed to creep back in one way or another. Nonetheless here I am 17 years later.. Still struggling with the same thing that has plagued me for what seems like all of my life.

So here it goes. My immediate goal is 90 days..

 

Thanks everyone, I'm just ready to get back what I've lost..