Unique "Should I Reset" Thread (Meditation Date)

Hey guys. So I've been posting all over the place with advice and such, doing really well with the whole NoFap thing and noticing benefits every day. However, something happened today and based on past question threads I've seen, I feel the need to get the opinion of the community.

I practice meditation on a daily basis, which has been a huge help in my anti-PMO campaign, but now caused something interested. As my meditation practice develops I find myself gaining amazing abilities, more compassion and insight into the way others are thinking and ability to influence their emotions for the better and connect. This is especially intensified when I'm meditating with someone else, it gets almost telepathic. Anyway, I am interested in this girl but professional circumstances don't quite allow us to be together yet.

So I'm with her in the park, practicing meditation. My meditation practice loosely follows Vipassana techniques, focusing on the breath and exploring other sensations from an observational perspective as they arise. The idea is to not judge the sensations as good or bad because that causes reactions to the judgments which unnecessarily intensify physical sensations you feel and emotions those cause. Basically, the relationship between our physiological and emotional systems can create self-sustaining cycles that make things a bigger deal than they really need to be and cause us all sorts of complicated trouble.

Anyway, getting to the point, it can be good to meditate with others to establish a collective energy and focus, just like having an exercise partner or study partner or anything like that. If there is some romantic interest or you are close friends or family, it can also be an intensely positive emotional experience...

So, I'm meditating with this girl who I like, and who likes me a lot. This positive energy continues to build and build, and I just observe it, taking care not to get lost in the pleasure or let it lead to perverted fantasies or dreaming about expectations/desires, but also taking care not to let it overwhelm me with fear and guilt the way ever since I was doing PMO stuff, anything sexual has done. I just focused on my breath and noted in a detached manner, "oh, I'm experiencing feelings of love and arousal." Anyway, next thing I know, I can hear her breathing, it has gotten deeper and faster, and I'm harder than ever. Again, we are not touching at all, nor communicating with words. Both of us have our eyes closed and are deep in meditation.

Finally, BAM... I ejaculate. It was odd, rather than several ejaculations it was one single explosive pump. Note, I had not touched myself at all, if that wasn't already clear. She sharply inhaled when it happened. She could tell I came out of the meditation, so she did too and she just looked into my eyes and gave me a loving smile. Neither of us directly discussed our experiences, and we went on about our days.

My next move of course was to find a restroom to check out what had happened. My dick was covered in pre-cum, but there was actually very little semen, just a small drop despite the explosive feeling. When I had stood up, everything from my inner legs to my solar plexus felt deeply relaxed. More relaxed than it has been in years I'd say. I felt amazing, I had all these loving thoughts about her and just life in general for the next few hours.

I stayed up pretty late and eventually got tired and my mood fluctuated a bit and I started to think. Is this a reset? Did I do something wrong? Is this going to contribute to my progress, take away from it, or have no effect at all? It felt more like post-sex feelings than post-PMO feelings if I remember those correctly... but I've been doing hard mode so both are not in my recent memory. Like I said, immediately after it was feelings of bliss and connectedness, but later when I got tired I had some feelings of confusion and guilt. Oddly when I got in bed, I got another raging erection similar to the one I got during the meditation, but did not have any orgasmic like feelings. Lastly, note that these two erections are the strongest I've gotten since I began the NoFap journey.

What do you guys think? Please share your thoughts as this loosely resembles some situations I have read about in here but there really has not been an identical one I came across. Thanks everybody.

 

This is why meditation can be harmful if done incorrectly. You essentially reversed the flow of energy to your dick, below the waistline. We want to raise energy up into the spine, not downward.

Take a break, get grounded. Your playing with fire.

 

Why do you think that?

 

Something funny? Yeah I was leaning towards no... and have kinda reached that mainly because I do not feel the way I have always felt when I did relapse. There is a distinct "oh fuck" reaction and set of just terrible feelings that linger afterwards. I didn't have those.

 

Anymore feedback guys? So far I've gotten one without much detail and another with some self-righteous banter about meditating "incorrectly" as if there's a correct way. I would definitely like a greater variety of more informative/substantiated opinions.

 

Hey Brother. I'm really sorry to have given you that impression. Let me come at it from another angle.

I don't think you relapsed. In that area you OK in my definition. However I was mainly concerned with your meditation resulting in semen being released. In my opinion and experience, we meditate to lift our energies higher. Your experience, both during the meditation and the erection after seemed like you actually successfully lowered your energies into the muladhara.

We want to go higher with meditation, not lower. We don't want to strengthen the bond we have with the sexual nature. Thats a heavily tantric area that requires a teacher. Often we can increase the strength of our addiction if we are not careful. For someone on NoFap, I thought you might be one of those people trying to fix your sexual activity because of issues thus far in your life, not make them more difficult to deal with.

Thats all I meant and I only wanted to help, but as I have to work from my mobile and move quickly to help manage Heirs of the Sun, I simply thought I could aid your question that way. I should have taken more time to understand the situation and report more thoroughly.

I hope you can understand and we can continue the conversation as friends.

 

Taking adequate time to answer a question is always a good idea. If I don't have it, I don't answer the question at all. Of course we can continue the conversation. Thank you for your response.

I think meditation is very personal. The redistribution of energy that each person needs is different. You haven't yet justified the idea that universally "we" should be trying to raise energy higher. I'm interested in your reasoning behind that idea. I'm not trying to strengthen or weaken my bond with sexual energy, but rather to keep it from controlling me and causing me to act to fulfill temporary needs at the expense of fulfilling more long term needs. If my sexual energy were totally raging, I'd be fine with that as long as I could live in harmony with it and channel it toward good for myself and others.

My concern that prompted posting this thread was more a biological one I suppose. This site is mainly dedicated to the idea that sexual activity should be between two people, not a solitary activity that disconnects the person from reality and the emotional/interpersonal benefits of sex. The most common manifestation of this is engaging the five senses in sexual communication with someone else doing the same thing. Since meditation goes many layers deeper than the sensory experience, I wondered if others think an orgasmic experience from it, seeming to involve the energy of another individual, would constitute a healthy experience or an unhealthy one in terms of making continued progress at rebooting.

Going back to the sensory, I have observed in the days following that occurrence, that I do not feel the negative feelings I have felt before after relapses. So from this I glean that the experience was healthy and acceptable. But this experience has a lot of unique factors that differentiate it from other things the community here has reached consensus on, so I wanted to ask the opinions of others on the matter. Thanks everyone.