Made it to a month on the hard setting

So I've made it to a month. Today is day 31. I used to masturbate once a day and spend hours doing so. I'm 36 and fairly sure I have PIED. Even though I tend to use my imagination, rather than porn. But my fantasies are even further removed from real sex than porn. So it's not good, whatever it's called.

Here's how've found it;

I made a pledge to not masturbate at all, to take cold showers every day, to go to the gym six days a week and to eat healthy 90% of the time. A general lifestyle overhaul was required.

I pretty much achieved it... You know what was the hardest bit? The cold showers. I'm not sure I'm cut out for them. But I'm persisting as best I can - even if it's only 30-45 seconds a day! My gym has an ice bucket which I use every time I go. I'm not sure I'm doing it as much as I need to to get the positive effects. I'm still looking to improve as I'll come to soon.

The masturbating... Not as hard as I thought I would find it. For a week or so I got horny... Then it just became a challenge. I can't even face the thought of resetting that counter. I've not edged or masturbated or used any apps.

I had dreams that first 7-10 days... Not wet dreams, but really vivid dreams that I was able to remember the following morning. None were sexy dreams but a few were romantic dreams where I got with that girl I used to know and that stunning girl who i see at work that is way out of my league. These leave me sad when I wake up because I realise how much I need to find someone, I'm yearning for it, but I've been putting it off for the last two years to avoid further awkwardness and shame in the bedroom.

The dreams stopped, or I stopped remembering them, and I was disappointed. I quite enjoyed them even if they were just dreams. Shame, I assumed the spunk was the dream juice and I'd have them every night!

Meanwhile I continued to work harder in the gym than previously. Whether I am as intensely into it as I could be, I know not. But I'm working harder than I was. It may not be the best mantra ever, but I read someone say that even a bad gym session is better than none. I've swapped wanking for planking and I'm more toned and have lost weight. Previously I couldn't face the gym if I had been masturbating that day, it just didn't sit well. People have been commenting that I look better than ever, even if I have only lost 8lbs!

Now the negatives;

I've not really discovered those superpowers. Not that I can really see. A couple of girls have shown an interest in talking to me, but I can't say that they've all been throwing themselves at me. I still feel lost for words when girls are talking to me. Maybe I'm scared of leading them on. I'm only attracted to certain girls and they never seem to be the ones that are into me. We had our work party this week and I felt I socialised poorly and didn't really get to know anyone from other departments any better than I already did. I'm silmutaneously incredibly shy but desperate to be the centre of attention (this is why I became a singer in a band and why I want to do stand up comedy in 2016) and I get downhearted when I see girls I don't even want to get with getting close with my friends and colleagues. This is enough to send me in a downward spiral and ruin my night. I wonder if I could eventually overcome this silly and slightly juvenile problem. As it stands it may be too early for me to start looking.

My other flaw... I've started looking at pictures of girls I like and allowing myself to get erect. This has only happened for the last two days. It's dangerous I know. It isn't porn. It isn't masturbating because I won't allow myself. But I'm giving myself just enough to enjoy. I'm worried this is giving me the dopamine fix that I'm supposed to be avoiding. I need to cut this out.

Ok next... Where is this flatline thing? I'm all ready for it but I don't think it's here yet... Shouldn't it be within a month? I'm waking every morning with a strong erection. When that stops do I know I'm on the flatline? If I need to get onto and out the other side I'm up for hitting it as soon as possible. Even if it sounds like the sexual equivalent of crawling through that pipe in the Shawshank Redemption.

Ok... So... I did 30 days in 2011. I'm can't even remember why, I don't think I'd discovered nofap, I may just have been saving for a mega-wank. As of this upcoming week I'm into unchartered territory.

When we get to January I'm going to make the next set of changes to my life.

Give up video games and start reading/writing more. Start meditating. Give up smoking (though I only smoke ten cigarettes once a week, likewise I only drink any alcohol one day a week).