Hi

I am 57 and only discovered NoFap today. I had an ED incident last night which really surprised me so I decided to investigate online. What I learned also surprised me but made sense straight away.

I divorced 18 months ago and have been online dating since then. I have had enjoyable sexual encounters with a few women during that time, but have developed a habit of edging at the same time. The online engagement with multiple women and excitement of possible sex with a large number of different women has kept me regularly aroused which I responded to with masturbation. In hindsight, the online part of the online dating experience sounds like it was performing the same arousal function as porn.

I would be aroused while driving and at work so climax was impractical and I got into the habit of edging. I didnt even know there was a name for it till today. I suppose I have been doing that for about 18 months on most days. I wasnt aware of the effect it could have on erectile function or any other negatives so didnt feel any need to stop or limit this behaviour.

Last night I was with a really attractive woman that I have met recently and she was enthusiastic about having sex. I felt like I was too and was really looking forward to it. But I just could not get an erection. It was frustrating and embarrassing and I want to do whatever I need to to get back to a normal sex life. I had no anticipation of this problem although, in hindsight I can now recall at least one episode of DE about 6 months ago - so it probably has been building up without me noticing.

This whole topic is completely new to me. My main questions are can the problem be overcome and how long does it take? I am open to any reasonable advice.
thanks for reading/listening.

 

Thanks - that is a great comfort and relief

 

Thanks PP. I hope it is edging really. It is the only new thing that I have introduced into my life over the past 18 months so it makes sense and I dont use porn so definitely not that. The other possible causes seem a lot scarier to me. I have resolved to abstain from edging and online dating for as long as it takes and see what happens. 90 days sounds a good time frame for a start to me.

 

what a fantastic presentation! thanks for that PP. Really hit the nail on the head in my case. I am particularly encouraged by the emphasis on the plasticity of the brain and ability to reverse things. It is very clear to me that I have been using online dating sites pretty much like porn and it has had the same effect on me. Although it led to occasional real sex, the vast majority of the time I was viewing pictures of attractive women, always clothed but often suggestively, and using them to fantasize about sexual acts with different women and edging. There is a never ending supply of images of available women on online dating sites and I could maintain virtually constant stimulation by moving to a new woman at random, just like Gary Wilson says that "the novel partner" maintains arousal much more than the same partner. In fact, once I had connected online with a woman and perhaps arranged to meet her for a date, she became less attractive to me and I was more aroused by new alternative possible dates.

In one case, I was spending the weekend with a woman I met online, and had already become a bit bored with the real sex and was connecting with a new woman online secretly at the same time. Thinking about it now it seems pretty weird, but at the time it just felt exciting to have access to the online image or chat with someone new all the time.

I am not going to touch online dating until I get over the ED and feel normal again. I will probably go back to online dating after that, but stick to one woman at a time and avoid edging altogether and not use the site for fantasizing at all.

thanks so much for your help
cheers
Daz