The 90 Day Challenge

Note: I'm switching this thread over from Day 1 thread on Newbies to Rebooting thanks to a recoomendation from nfprogress a fellow supporting fapstronaut.

My whole life I've always struggled with my addictions. One of them has been porn.
Naturally I'm harder on myself than others are on themselves, so, as you can imagine faping has made my life hard for about 15 years.
When I look back, life always seemed to have treated me better when I wasn't faping.
Over the weekend I went to pornography too many times. Tonight, I came across this website for the first time and I'm writing this to help motivate myself to stop this act once and for all.
The longest I've previously gone is six weeks during a camp.

 

Day 9
So far I've gone 9 days without PMO!
I feel a lot better inside and out. Its just like they say, less brain fog, more ambition to go out and meet girls, more focus, confidence, overall just feeling better about yourself. In the back of my mind I still want to PMO but I'm forcing myself to stay a float.
The only motivation thats sincerely making me continue is the attention I'm getting from girls. Girls at the supermarket, girls working the counter at lunch, girls just looking at me in public whether it be a street, mall, stoplight..
I usually never get this kind of attention. I don't understand how this works intentionally. I mean its not like girls know when a guy PMO's or not. Its weird. Oh well, I'm still single and haven't gotten laid in quite some time. Maybe something will actually click soon.

 

Day 11
Wow! I was so close to relapse today. I can't believe my struggle and how hard this actually is. My brain just insists on wanting to MO. I can force myself to prevent the P but MO is so likely to happen. I'm really trying to go out and do things but its hard in the winter time and when its always raining here. Last night, I was able to go bowling with some friends and I ended up beating all 20 people in the group. I was the best bowler of the night which isn't saying too much since everyone barely made it over 100 but still, I was the champion. Maybe that was my 10 day reward for not fapping.

 

Day 14
Two weeks and I feel more in control. I've thought about going under quite a bit but this confidence of knowing that I can fight it has grown superbly. No social life this weekend. Boring. I should be out doing things and enjoying life for I've been pretty good these past couple of weeks. However, I believe my antibiotic medication for my infection is whats controlling my laziness and lack of energy. Always something that has to be in the way.

 

Day 17
Man this was a tough day. I don't know if its a day thats cursed or what. Today is my dads birthday, a man I haven't talked to in almost 7 years. Reasons apply that I can't discuss here.
I've had anxiety issues my whole life and today was really bad. I felt the urge to PMO just to escape this terrible feeling of injustice upon myself, but instead I forced myself to run outside and release serotonin that way.
Today has been the worst day yet, I've had panic attacks before and I'm hoping my meditation practice can cure them. After 2 months of mediation, I do feel in more control with the panic and heart racing but anxiety is still strong within. I gotta feeling this is happening because my mind has been so acquainted with receiving PMO responses consistently. Now that I've taken this break, I think its really starting to act up now with anxiety and any other tenses.
Hopefully I'm better soon and can hold out.

 

Day 20
Thanks Loryn for the feedback. I was able to have better self control yesterday and today by going out and distracting myself. Also, I took one dose of the supplement called Kava Kava that had me calm down and focus more on positive thoughts, however, at the same time the supplement does make me drowsy..
Well now that its day 20 I am pleased with my performance. Last time I went 20 days was more than three years ago when I was at a field camp. Never in my life have I gone this long at home.
I feel exploded with energy all around and on top of it all new opportunities have risen. I was introduced to this fasting diet that enables me to have even more testosterone and energy at the gym. I felt as if I was on a natural steroid today. I could lift with many more reps and run/bike extra distances without much pain. I'm not much of a lifting guru but when I do exercise I feel like quiting after 30mns of steady pace. Today was completely different and it has something to do with nofap and fasting for 16 hours. Good things are coming about in my life unexpectedly. Meaning what I don't necessary desire is happening but they are good things nonetheless.

 

Day 22
mv8652 thanks, I have been feeling less urges after three weeks.

Well today was a good day! Woke up and felt more energized as usual since I stopped nofap. Its nice not feeling so depleted all the time like I used to on Sundays, probably due to my previous PMOing schedule on weekends.
I saw Star Wars with some friends, which brought back memories of my childhood..miss those days.
Adult life and reality seems so repetitive and boring. When I look at a hero or main character that represents good, I want to be him. Its something you feel inspired by and want to be in their life with their challenges. When I look at a guy like Han Solo, interesting things happen in his life. I want to be in that interesting life with interesting things happening to me all the time. I'm hoping nofap will open up interesting doorways and more of a romantic life.

 

Day 25
Good job on 40 days Loryn! Glad you're staying strong and you're right PMO does make relationships nearly impossible.

Well I'm 25 in and I feel stronger than ever. But! its a physical strength and not mental. I still suffer with making proper eye contact with people, I still suffer with going out of my way for things, I still suffer with focus, etc. However, I do feel slightly better about everything that I usually suffer with. So I'm saying the suffering is still present with problems I've had before these 25 days but they have subsided and I can say for sure that I notice the fact that they have slightly subsided. I also for sure can tell that I'm able to have more energy at cardio workouts and lifting. Also, when a friend wants to do something I always say yes now. Still no opportunities with girls, and no obvious attention either like I was during the first 10 days of nofap. But I believe it will comeback once I reach a certain mark (maybe day 90, which is friggen far away).
Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays

 

Day 30
Thanks Loryn, I hope you had a good holiday and are looking forward to the new year. It feels good to finally finish a month of no PMO.
Still going strong! I gotta surpass my record of 6 weeks at a WY field camp in 2013. Man those 6 weeks were long as hell but I had my fellow campers doing the same challenge. So 6 weeks is 42 days only 12 more days and I'll surpass

 

Day 34
Keep going strong Demon Shark!

2016 is here and I feel like 2015 was a year to focus on repairing my life and making it better from NoFap to anxiety to finding a better career to finding a better place to live. Now that its 2016 my goals are to get a better job, get a girlfriend, and to be in control of my anxious feelings towards things.
Last night was good, had a girl that was in to me the entire night which was flattering and all but I just didn't feel the same. Could have kissed her at midnight and taken her back to my place to get down but I'm so soft from this nofap journey. Nofap has made it so hard for me to close the deal. If I would have been more into her, maybe it would have ended differently. Anyways, there is this one girl I am completely into, she lives in my apartment building and kind of looks like Zoey Deschanel. I met her back in September when I was moving in and kept on running into her in the hallway as that day as she was doing laundry. She told me her apartment number and said to stop by anytime and well I did a couple times but she hadn't been there. Ever since then I've seen her a couple times, once in the hallway when she was with friends talking; I was in a hurry and only said hi. The other time she got back from a trip it seemed and I saw her as I entered the front door, she was down the corridor a ways and I wanted to say something but I was in a bad mood and just said "f*** it". Yesterday I saw her as we were walking towards one another on the sidewalk about 60 ft apart, I didn't recognize her at first as she was with a friend but she sort of gazed at me the whole time as she was turning the corner into the building. I had a chance there to run after her and ask her what her plans were for New Years Eve but I decided to just wait I guess. I was thinking she of course already had plans and all and that running after her at that moment would just look too desperate. Best to ride it out, I'm hoping I reach my 90th day (which happens to be the last week of living here) I can go ask her on a date before I depart.

 

Day 37
Demon Shark lol thats awesome!
Exoplante you're right, I shouldn't be avoiding them. I should try more with her,but I still feel the need to distract myself with other girls at this time. I still need some confidence boosting haha.
I definitely feel more contempt these past few days. I guess I'm more in control of being neutral and relaxed and focused and myself. I remember this similar feeling during field camp actually, towards the end that is. I'm not sure what its like after 6 weeks though, so, I'm a little curious to find out.