It's not the women

It's the guys around me watching me...that throw my game off and cause a disgusting combination of anxiety/anger and hatred ...and a feeling of violence, which I constantly fight to ignore...and which takes energy, which pisses me off, and which are diametrically opposed to he feelings of relaxed love, attraction or focus ....

when I am approaching, talking to or hitting on a(n) attractive female, in a public space.

It's like I can feel them sitting there just hating...I also feel a threat.
Does anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it?
Why can't people just be decent human beings. I would never run a guys d**k in the dirt just to get a girl, and I also realize hating someone else isn't going to improve my game... what's with these guys? It is somehow like a romantic approach gets turned into a fight, just because of the presence of these knuckleheads around. I try to ignore it but I can't. It's really, really distracting.


...I imagine how much of this is just imagined, how much every guy feels this??..is this just part of being a guy? I really hate it. Why can't I ever just hit on a girl in peace, without the hornets flying all around constantly...

I feel like I always somehow have to look over and see who's watching me hit on a girl, sure enough, it always is some guy sat there - staring burning holes through me like he wants to kill me. ... just because I'm doing what he can't or won't. I wish I didn't look, but the threat is real. It's sort of like being in the room with a 300 pound grizzly, you're going to make sure you feel safe.
I REALLY hate this problem.


Guys How do you Deal with this problem.

 

Yeah, thanks for the replies. I've seem to have gotten a mixed bag of them, probably truth in all - as I've sensed. I'm guessing this is a universal guy issue, exacerbated by personal anxiety. Startingover had a good point, and he's right. I know part of it comes from inside me, it's like a performance anxiety. ...I guess the best remedy for anxiety is exposure while removing things you do to defend or protect yourself from it. Then you will acclimate to it, and it won't be an issue.

But I do know that part of this is a jealousy thing. I know because it's real, many guys will hate you and so what. It's a jealousy thing. Public ridicule is a powerful thing, and people use it as a weapon.
I remember one time I was throwing discus in middle school in a competition - I attempted a spin around and throw, and I slipped on the concrete because (it was wet, and I just slipped)...and I remember everyone laughed and giggled, but died down after a millisecond, it was barely audible - but it was this group of black, African-American guys that sat there howling and ridiculing, falling over laughing - literally because of a mistake I had made (and most likely, because I was a white kid who they could make fun of...); how embarrassing and uncouth...going on and on inappropriately and scornfully after it had occurred, laughing and mocking me, cracking jokes at my expense, howling...and acting like it was the whole "we're just laughing with you, brotha" ...kind of bullshit. I remember I was extremely angry, but, I also wanted nothing more than to sink into a corner and die or disappear.
It happened over 15 years ago. I'll never forget that. Public shame/ridicule has a powerful imprinting effect.
Anyway, thanks for the replies.

Part of me just has to get over it. Besides, I could probably take over 90% if not more in physical battle, if it came to it...of these guys I'm so anxious about. Idk why I'm anxious about it, but I guess that's anxiety.

 

I guess what I'm really saying is that I'm tired of going home sexless, without a girl, loneliness.

I also really want a relationship and haven't been able to land one, one worth having yet.


I'm just really frustrated. ..

 

I have to say, I think much of the above is absolute bs.

 

Define success? ...Is success working your ass off for a job and money that you might never get? ..My dad did that, stressed himself out and died young.

That doesn't sound too smart to me. It's people like you're talking about that, put everything and define themselves by their career, that I don't get.

If I have to make lots of bucks and be invincible /unstoppable (which is utter nonsense btw) ...then I'm getting all the wrong kinds if girls. They'll be gone in a heartbeat.

That doesn't sound like what I want. Maybe you want it. That's cool. ; )

 

You're the kind of guy I would ask to step outside for 5 minutes...

You know nothing about my life, bud, but you sure have projected a lot.

 

And by the way, insulting an entire forum (repeatedly) is really dumb...especially because you are here, but you don't need advice.