1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

My boyfriend can't come during sex anymore

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by princessnorthx, Jan 12, 2016.

  1. princessnorthx

    princessnorthx Fapstronaut

    5
    2
    3
    Hello, I didn't really know where to put this, so I do hope it's okay to put it under here.
    So, me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for 6-7 months. The first 3 months he could cum in like 2-4 min, inside me, without any kind of problems. He used this really strong backmassager on his dick, and after that he couldn't come at all for 1-2 months. He told me it made his dick numb, and that's when it all started. Now he can cum, but it takes a while. We can have sex for 45-60 min, and that makes me really sore.. If he masturbates (really fast and hard) he can cum faster, but I want it to be like it used to be. Since this whole situation is making me really depressed, and it makes me doubt everything. What can I do to make it better? Or what can he do? I don't get what's wrong. We're both young, he's 20 and i'm 18.
     
  2. Myway

    Myway Fapstronaut

    53
    39
    18
    Show him nofap forum, your brain on porn site, he need's to stop watching porn and masturbate...
     
    Dgmili93 likes this.
  3. Monster Carrot

    Monster Carrot Fapstronaut

    1,010
    1,297
    143
    The good thing is this kind of effect is probably reversible with a reboot, or just with time without sexual stimulation.
     
    XPiRED likes this.
  4. Crispy21

    Crispy21 Fapstronaut

    328
    424
    63
    Reading this is not good for my recovery
     
    Enjoytheride, Wildstar and Dgmili93 like this.
  5. Wildstar

    Wildstar Fapstronaut

    61
    59
    18
    I was getting a little aroused myself just reading that!
     
    Crispy21 likes this.
  6. Wildstar

    Wildstar Fapstronaut

    61
    59
    18
    I find it odd that a topical numbing cream caused such a desensitization for so long. I'm no dr but would guess those creams only last about 2 days max. The cream would eventually be absorbed into the skin and then body. If you don't believe his DE (delayed ejaculation) is porn related than perhaps he should see a dr. Did anything else change in the last couple of months? A stressful event? Death in the family, job change? Did your relation change any prior to his DE? If you believe it's porn related than direct him to this site and get educated on what is happening in his brain thus effecting his physiology.
     
  7. princessnorthx

    princessnorthx Fapstronaut

    5
    2
    3
    It's not a cream, a massager, you know, those machines that's supposed to massage your back. Strong massage-thingy.
     
    XPiRED likes this.
  8. Moogie

    Moogie Fapstronaut

    379
    145
    43
    I think he damaged his penis
    Did he use it on head? He could of done a lot of damage
     
  9. XPiRED

    XPiRED Fapstronaut

    32
    15
    8
    Well, firstly, well done for coming to NoFap and trying to figure this out. That was the first step. A bit more info would be helpful:
    1. Has he watched porn or does he currently watch porn? If so, how much, what type and how often?
    2. Does he masturbate? If so, how often, lube or not?
    3. How often do you guys have sex? Have you always used condoms or did you just start?
    4. How many times has he used the back massager? How exactly did he use it?
    5. Is he on any chronic medication such as anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds?

    This could be related to "Deathgrip" meaning that he has become used to masturbating often while having a grip that is a lot tighter than your vagina and now he has become accustomed to that. As well as the speed of the masturbation as opposed to sex which is usually slower.
    This could also be the issue. This would cause anxiety or stress which would explain the DE.

    I would start to open the lines of communication with him as this is key.

    You have already started by opening this thread. I would try to be as understanding, supportive and patient as possible. He probably feels more shameful/embarrassed/worried about it than you do.

    He can be as open and honest with you as possible.

    DE (Delayed Ejaculation) is the 3rd most common sexual issue among men. Nothing new. So don't get too freaked out about it.
    Let me know when you have more information and we can take it from there :)
     
  10. princessnorthx

    princessnorthx Fapstronaut

    5
    2
    3
    Thanks for a great answer!
    1. He watches porn, but we don't live together, I am with him 4 days a week. So the 3 days i'm away I think he is watching porn. 1-2 times a day I suppose. He watches amateur porn, he prefer to watch petite blonde girls like me.
    2. When he is watching porn, he is masturbating too. So when I'm not there (3 times a week) he will probably fap 1-2 times a day to porn. No lube.
    3. We have sex 4 days a week, maybe 1-2 times a day. I try to please him as much as I can, but that haven't been a problem before. We used to live together at my parents house the first 3 months. Then I moved, and I live 1 hour away from him now. It was after I moved he tried this back massager.
    4. 2 times, both times for 3 months ago. He used it over his boxer, on his head, but not without cover.
    5. No, he isn't on any meds. He smokes weed tho, but that hasn't been a problem before either. Stress, anxiety etc isn't a thing for him right now.
    I've tried to talk to him about it, trying to tell him how it makes me feel kind of. But he gets angry or mad. I don't dare to bring it up so much, because he gets so moody, I get that it's shameful for him, but it would've been really nice to talk about it :(
     
  11. Wildstar

    Wildstar Fapstronaut

    61
    59
    18
    Oh ok, sorry for the confusion. If it was a physical apparatus then he may have physically damaged some tissue. Ouch! If he is able to become fully erect then that's a good sign. If not then that's an issue. Again, I'm no dr. but truly refraining from sexual activity may be the quickest road to recovery. Vitamin E supplements probably wouldn't hurt either. Casual sex or oral in moderation may actually help but I would refrain from hard and fast masturbation and yanking it too hard. That means you too! Anti-imflamatory pills such as Ibuprofen may help relieve the pain/inflammation if he is experiencing any. I hate to ask but does he curve any more than before this issue? A change in curvature could also indicate damage but not necessarily permanent. Hopefully since he seems to be getting better albeit slowly he should make a full recovery. I think if he had damaged tissue he would be experiencing pain and/or discomfort while having sex or masturbating, But because penis tissue has more nerve endings concentrated in such a small area (no offense meant) it will take a lot longer to heal than if he numbed his thumb. I would suggest that if he's not fully recovered within the next couple of months to see a urologist. They may need to do an ultrasound to see if there is any permanent damage. Doesn't sound like it since it's fully functional. Good luck, hope he feels better.
     
    XPiRED likes this.
  12. princessnorthx

    princessnorthx Fapstronaut

    5
    2
    3
    Thank you, very much. :) I don't think he has any pain.
    But the first 1-2 months after he had used this thing, it was REALLY numb. Now, that it's been 3 months, he told me 2 weeks ago that he can feel much more now than he could before (but obviously not enough..). I asked him if his dick is okay now, but he said "I think so", but maybe it isn't afterall, he gets all awkward and mad when I try to talk about it. He can get full erect, but he couldn't do that in the first 1-2 months, it would go from erected to not erected etc. Now he can keep it up. And I guess that's progress. I don't know if he is thinking so much about it as I do, but I am litterally OBSESSING over it. I blame myself for it, that I'm not attractive enough for him, etc. But do you think it will heal with time, or do I need to tell him to stop masturbating, and if he feels the need to, just masturbate a little bit.. looser? I'm not loose, haha, but I get that the hand can get a lot tighter than the vagina.
     
  13. Jodokus

    Jodokus Fapstronaut

    515
    333
    63
    hi @princessnorthx
    I agree with the other guys, that the condition of your bf is either going to improve on its own OR must be treated by a doctor.
    Of course less porn and in this case especially less masturbation is advisable and could make your sex better.

    EDIT: "He used it over his boxer, on his head, but not without cover." Then I don't think it's worse than edging for hours with death grip :D I don't expect it to be a medical problem.

    How long do YOU want to have sex? What about YOUR orgasm? (Is 2-4 minutes really enough for you?)
    He has apparently a temporary a problem to cum during intercourse. So why not except that and make the best of it? He has great stamina! You both could enjoy sex as long as you want (maybe until female O) and then stop. If that leaves him unsatisfied you could finish it by hand, mouth or whatever you guys like to do.

    Since he seems to be a little stubborn or maybe anxious (about the condition) it could help if you make him compliments and say how you want him to satisfy you (in a way that he still can achieve) instead of asking too many questions.
    Or do you please him too much??

    But one thing is for sure, he better keep his dick off that massage tool.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2016
    XPiRED and Wildstar like this.
  14. Wildstar

    Wildstar Fapstronaut

    61
    59
    18
    I think you have two problems. One being his PMO and the other may be the desensitization of his manhood. 99% of the time it's not the girls fault. Trust us guys on this. Some guys that are just plain dicks will blame the girl to save themselves embarrassment. You sound like you truly love him and care for him a lot. You obviously want a good sex life, hence why you are here. He sounds somewhat stubborn talking about his condition and at your age, no offense, is common. Most of us older men (I'm 45) accept it more easily. He sounds like he's going through the stages of loss, even if it's loss of his erections. We all do but again, older guys progress more quickly. He sounds like he's in denial still. Doesn't want to talk about and the problem will eventually go away. That may be true but he desensitized his penis both physically and neurologically. The physical part w the massager. The neuro part is he has fed his brain w so many hits of dopamine from PMO that intetcourse w you isn't enough. Please take no offense...I mean not enough neuro stimuli for his brain to get fully aroused. When I was 20 I could have had sex w my gf 2-4 times a day standing on my head! I was able to talk about w my gf and she was very understanding just like you. Patience is essential but your BF needs to accept he has a problem, one that can't be ignored. Try to show him this site and yourbrainonporn.com. You really need to express that it's seriously hurting you and the relationship but you are willing to do what it takes because you love him. I wish you two the best. Feel free to ask if you need any more advice.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2016
    XPiRED likes this.
  15. princessnorthx

    princessnorthx Fapstronaut

    5
    2
    3
    Thank you for all the answers :)
     
    XPiRED likes this.

Share This Page