The effect it really has

Hey guys,

I have been watching porn for about 15 years now. Come to think of it it is not really even porn. My brain is actually wired to be into fetishes to the point that i dont think sex is even attractive. When people say they browse porn, i kind of shake my head. Im more into foot fetishes, lingerie and femdom. Never really the real deal about sex though. I guess like it when a girl dominates me.

It actually started when the game Tekken came out. The fighter King and all his wrestling moves kind of turned me on. It just sprouted from there. It was really strange. However, all y life i have been into girls feet. I think that is "me"

It was so bizarre that pmo can completely define you as a person. I had a girlfriend about five years ago and i was with her for about 2 years. I realize that i would objectify the shit out of her. I made her weird femdom wrestling moves on me while she was dressed in lingerie. It was hot but it wasnt "real" It wasnt love. It was using her body to fufil my brains twisted and unatural desires. The culpurate behind this is watching porn. I call it porn but its not actually porn. Its more the lines of femdom. I guess you can call it whatever you like.

Out of nowhere i decided to look into the side effects of porn. I was baffled at how harmful it was. I used to think that spank the monkey was harmless. Spanking it is to a certain extent, but not watching porn.


I used to always wonder why i could never think logically. As a person i am a leader and people love me. I naturally have a lot of charisma.

I would literally sit in my car and try to think about something and i could not do it. My brain was way to foggy. I had terrible short term memory loss.


I am trying to rewire my brain as of two days ago. It insanely hard, esp when you get depressed. I havent gone mmore than 3 days without jacking off in 15 years, and now i am trying to kill this habit.

I find my brain craving dopamine, It naturally want to "please" itself. So i find myself craving sugar, cigs etc. Any easy way to obtain dopamine.

So what i have started doing is:

-Tkaing cold showers
-Working out when i get home from work so im occupied throughout the night.
-Tryig to learn how to play guitar.
My last spank was 1/12/16 @ 12:00pm

I must beat this demon and yes it is a demon. It is the only thing standing in my way of obtaining my dreams. Of being a person that anyone can count.

I started school next wednesday and all i want to do it succeed. I am a recent veteran. I spent the last four years of my ife at fort drum new york in the army. I wanna reward myself with education but i must defeat this obstacle first.

Any comments will be appreciated.

btw this was a brain dump so sorry for the grammar.