Do you want to get married and have children? Why, why not?

I absolutely desire children. I do not believe in "maternity instinct" or such things, but I've always thought I was made to have children. I love kids, I really enjoy being in the company of toddlers, I like to lead and I have way to much love in me to keep it for myself.
If I can't make some, I'll adopt some. It's weird to say but I already love the children I will maybe never have.
As for marriage, I absolutely do to. For several reasons. First I want to wait for marriage to have sex - but it's another debate, I don't wish to talk about this on this thread. I also want to practice abstinence so it's not for the sex.

My position is peculiar, since I'm half pansexual half bisexual, but have an incredibly strong religious background, and my beliefs are stopping me to imagine marrying a girl "for real".

It's funny, the way you wrote your post makes me think a lot of my favourite rapper, Fuzati from Klub des Loosers. It's a French rapper. He made an album called "La Fin de L'Espèce", which can be roughly translated as "The End of the Human Race", where he raps and think a lot about the status of a father, the fact of reproduction and basically marriage and having kids. If you understand French and like rap, I beg you to check it out. You may like it.

I could discuss this matter for hours. I personally, for religious as well as moral beliefs, that it is natural and even essential to have children. I'm pro-life - please please please don't start a debate about it it's not the place, my body my choice, I have my beliefs you have your - and what you said, "I don't want to make my child struggle", is utterly interesting. It's expensive to raise a child, but I don't think money is what matter the most. What you teach to your child is what's important.


SO INTERESTING OMG. Really looking forward your answers guys.

 

My love wants to get married and have kids she absolutely loves babies so I have no choice

 

I wanna get married but i don't wanna have kids, maybe adopt one. Raising a child in this world really frightens me.

 

World population decline, not overpopulation, is actually the crisis most countries are beginning to face, so right now may be a good time to be a woman who wants to become a mother (in a first world country). More and more first world countries are facing zero and even negative population growth, and they're turning to paying women to get married and have children. That can mean monthly allowances, tax breaks, free household appliances, school tuition credits, maternity benefits, and more.

I definitely want to get married and have children. I feel I would be cheating my children if I did not marry their father and if I did not pick a good father for them, so I am quite careful in who I date and consider for marriage. I'm saving sex for marriage, but I don't want to fool myself and be bound to a man who won't be a good husband and father in the long run just because I don't want to be lonely.

Working with kids, especially very badly behaved ones, is rather killing my desire to have children, but I still want to reproduce...mainly because I feel a social and economic obligation to the world, as well as wanting to start a family with a man I love. I decided that I must have at least four children so my husband and I would be replaced two times over in the population count, although I am open to having more and even to adopt whether or not I have my own biological children. Yes, this is a difficult world to raise children in, but the world really needs good parents now more than ever. I have come to the realization that the best legacy I can leave is to leave this world in good hands.

 

Have you got a source for that? The only country I know of facing problems due to population decline is Japan. I would certainly wager that the problem isn't quite as you describe. The global problem at least is the burden placed on resources/spread of disease etc. that is related to a growing population. Look at China and India, the two most populous countries by a distance.

 

Getting married and having kids are honestly the two things I most look forward to in life. I know raising kids is hard, especially in today's world, but I also believe it will be the most rewarding thing I ever do. Not to mention, children give us a way to "live on" when we're no longer around. All I'm waiting for now is to meet their mother...

 

I majored in geography, and demography is a huge part of that. It is so easy to see that overpopulation really is a myth (sorry, now I'm getting excited just talking about geography!). Not only Japan, but Ukraine, Russia, France, Germany, Italy, are all now just under replacement level or currently have negative population growth. China's growth is slowing thanks to the One-Child Policy, and now they are facing a growing issue of a greying population. Its fertility rate of 1.55 is now below replacement level (2.1). Populations do not exponentially grow and grow; they eventually all stabilize with increasing development of the country. Hence the adage "Development is the best contraceptive".

To see specific population graphs and statistics for each country and how they measure up, this is a great site: https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/index.html There is also a list of population growth rates here: https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/fields/2002.html#us And fertility rates: https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/fields/2127.html#xx

The demographic transition model shows the pattern populations follow. As countries develop, their fluctuating birth and death rates stabilize. The death rate drops as advances in medicine and agriculture are made, and this also helps to contribute to the increase in the birth rate, so a population booms in Stage 2. By Stage 3, the country is already well-developed and people are having fewer children as people are living longer and having kids later, as well as children also being more likely to survive infancy. However, Stage 4 is when the birth rate drops to the point where it is very close to the death rate, or even below it. The elderly population is now about the same size or larger than the working and youth populations. Stage 5 is the danger point where the death rate has exceeded the birth rate, and more than half of the population are beyond childbearing years and into retirement. This is where national economies shrink due to the decrease in the workforce and the increasing cost of unused infrastructure (abandoned houses, empty schools, abandoned farms, etc.).

Despite the comic sans, this page gives a great explanation of the demographic transition model: http://www.geographylwc.org.uk/A/AS/ASpopulation/DTM.htm

Is it obvious that I love geography?

 

I absolutely respect your decision. I think its not easy to realize that ones genes are bad and it may be better not to have children. If everyone would show this sense of responsibility, this word would surely be a better place.

@cocorosie:

Sorry but thats absolutely not true. Its not primarily your body you decide on. You decide that you will be in some kind of funny state for 9 months and go through a lot of pain etc. But this is nothing compared to the impact your decision has on an other persons body, the body you create, your child. You decide wether a new person comes into this world. Thats an enormous responsibility. Its not just "your body your decision", you have to think very carefully about what impact this new person would have on the world.

@need2bchaste: Overpopulation is not a myth. Your argument is, that shrinking populations will have negative effects on the wellbeing of humanity due to relatively more people being old. Yes, we will go through hard times. But we will have to face far bigger problems if poulations DONT shrink. Its true that the number of humans will not go far over 9 billion. But we are already to many. Biggest problem with that is climate-change. When you look at two graphs, total CO2-emission and total world population, you will see that there is a clear connection. If there would be less people, less people would need energy, less rainforest would be burned, less people would drive cars, etc. Its flimflam that we were able to encounter climate change without looking at overpopulation. You cant force everyone on the planet to live a modest livestyle. Many countries are just generating the wealth they want, and they wont let us stop them.
Other problems of overpopulation are the extinction of species (bee mortality), water consumption, health problems in megacities, pollution of the environment, etc etc.

And another point: Wherefrom do you take the certainty, that more children will automatically fix the problems that emerge from a eldering society? You cant know for sure how your children will develop. Maybe they will become welfare cases, who stress society in addition. Or they even become criminals. You should ak yorself: Do I have good genes? Am I able to educate my children in a good way? Will my children be burden or an advantage for society?

 

As a person who does not believe in sex before marriage or having relationships at all before marriage, yes I definitely want to get married

I want to have children.... but only when I'm ready. I'm not that good with kids, especially toddlers. But I always felt that I could raise some really good children compared to other folks, and good children is what society needs. Definitely not as soon as I get married though.

Also, please don't bring the pro-life pro-choice debate here.

 

This is exactly what I call starting a debate. I would be very glad to discuss that with you elsewhere. Not here it's definitely not the subject.
I said this to say that I'm against abortion, that's all. I obviously agree with you. I'm not that dumb. I do not wish to make babies for the sake of having babies. It's not a game, I'm not playing.

Start a debate out of here if you want but respect raspberry's thread.

 

OK, sorry, I misunderstood your post. I didnt know you were talking about abortion. And I wouldnt have wanted to start a debate about that. But what I was refering to is, in my opinion, definitely a part of the subject. And a discussion is necessary. Many people want babies without giving it a thought, just because babies are cute. But humans are babies only in a very little part of their lives. After a while they are fully grown persons and may have huge effects on their environment. We take for granted that every women has the natural right to get pregnant, even when it can be foreseen that the resulting person will not have a good live or have a negative impact on others. In these cases I think getting pregnant (or begetting) is not the exercise of a natural right but the violation of others rights.

And I come to the original question. Im really not sure wether I will have chidren. Its a great desire of mine, but for the reasons I posted Im not sure if it would be an ethical thing to do. I would want to get married though, because I also think that sexuality should be saved for marriage.

 

Hey, I agree with you Thanks for apologizing, I'm sorry I wasn't clear enough. You know, as a girl, knowing that a human being will actually grow inside of me for 9 months is not something I could possibly want without thinking about it. Especially with my religious background. As much as I am deeply fascinated with death and decomposition, life is kinda sacred for me.

I think that if you want to have babies, it actually means that you want to raise them. Well of course I'm only 19 and I don't know shit about life but that's what I always have supposed. Your children never belong to you. They're human beings just as much as you. The only difference is that there is an actual part of you in them. But what's beautiful is that you actually can share things in a particular way with them. Because of my beliefs and because of the fact that I want to wait for marriage and practice abstinence, I cannot imagine having kids that are not the result of deep and constructed love - this of course is my very own opinion and does not exclude children made in rape (God forbid). So it seems very natural for me to want to have kids. I completely respect the opinions of the people who don't want to have children because they fear that the will not being able to give them the life they would like them to have. It's perfectly understandable, and in any way you should always respect anyone. But for me, again, to answer the original question, I think that having children would be essential for me, and that everything I do is directed towards it.

I would much like to discuss about this with you elsewhere. I think that this is a very delicate matter that could lead, if misunderstood, to something that one could call eugenicist (sorry if it's not the right word, English isn't my mother tongue). Such a broad question. One's freedom stops where others's begins, like they say, hey?

 

I don't want to be married and don't want to have children. I also wouldn't want someone like me as my father if I was a child. I'm just not born to raise children, that's it. I don't have any kind of instinct to have children.
On the other hand I don't discourage anyone to do so, and in my opinion - when having children it's very important to get married - for the sake of children. I only discourage anyone from making such desisions under influence of someone (may it be a girlfriend).

 

Too bad

Well I don't know for others, but as much as it is for religious reasons, it's far of being only for that.

I don't know, I may have the mind of a Disney princess but I'm more and more thinking, and particularly since I quit porn and masturbation, that it is a question of respect. I'm afraid to say that I kinda believe in the Prince Charming, you know. I don't believe in soul sisters, I don't believe in love at first sight, at all. But I believe in having only one partner, because indeed (but again I don't have any life experience) I believe that true love only can exist with deep construction made day by day. So it is natural for me to think I will only have one partner. I really hope it will be the case.

Also, I have very deep self esteem issues and it translate as huge body insecurities. I want as less as possible men knowing my anatomy. I'm actually making progress on that though.

One thing that could explain, amongst others, may be that because of what christianity teach us a lot of nofappers are christian. And saving yourself for marriage (and abstinence) also is one of the most "common" I would say precept of christian sexuality.
So yeah you're right. I'm not sure about US though. I've seen quite a lot of different nationalities. It may be a recrudescence of christian principles, worldwide, maybe because of the recent gay marriage and gender discussions. I have no idea, please someone explain it better than me!

 

Before I respond to Morrow, I would like to quickly respond to raspberry. I am from the U.S., and although I would say that a lot of people here do have sex outside of marriage, I think there is also an increasing desire to hold off on sexual activity - whether for marriage or for a later time when one is older. For me, wanting to wait until I am married to have sex is religious but in that I believe that sexuality is a precious gift from God that not only brings new life into the world, but also binds together two people. I value myself as a human made in God's image, and so I don't want to squander my gift, nor hand it out to undeserving men who could simply be using me. I do not want to deal with the heartbreak and other feelings that I'd get if I had sex with someone and later broke up with them. I don't want to worry about being pregnant and worry about getting an STD. I feel that the man I marry will be the one whom I will love and trust enough to go to bed with and the one whom I will raise children with. And I want to show my husband that I love him enough to save myself and give myself only to him.

 

I guess we'll have to disagree on this. Yes, overpopulation is a myth, and populations are ALREADY shrinking to the point where their governments are growing desperate. And I have to disagree that there are "too many" people. Who decides that, and how can they say that they themselves are not part of that excess? I urge you to check out those links that provide the statistics. Most geographers/demographers will tell you that research shows that we've already gone past the point in which overpopulation would have been a concern, and that the real concern is underpopulation.

I guess we will also have to disagree about climate change. Yes, pollution is definitely a problem that needs to be curbed, but humans must take care of humans, and so this problem must be addressed with caring for humans in mind. It is true that not everyone would be happy to live a more modest lifestyle, but it may be inevitable in some ways that I think don't fit in this discussion. Also, there is some control over this problem, as the main problem with poverty is resource management. There is enough food on this planet to feed everyone very well, but it is being thrown out, sitting in government warehouses, etc. The good news about those problems you mentioned with overpopulation is that they are actually solve-able due to an increasing population! Elevators, pressurized plumbing, and skyscrapers, for instance, were all invented about the same time to accomodate increasing populations. Necessity is the mother of invention.

It is a good certainty that more children fixes an elderly population. More children, that is, a growing youthful population, is an indicator of economic prosperity. Why? Because they are a large up-and-coming workforce who pay taxes, and those taxes take care of the elderly and everyone else. Considering that becoming a criminal is NOT hereditary but a personal choice (albeit a terrible one), we cannot be sure that anyone would be a criminal and thus consign them to that. And regarding welfare, well, that's what a growing population takes care of! As I said, a growing youthful population is an indicator of economic prosperity (just look at India, for instance, which is quickly becoming middle-income class and a hub for technology). The prosperity may not be instantaneous, but no one can doubt the power of a youthful population's buying power. The number of people on welfare is kept to a minimum in non-socialist leaning countries because there needs to be more workers to support them.

You do make some good points about having children. Yes, people should definitely think about and work on giving their (future) children a good life, and that also means raising them properly. I work with children, and I unfortunately live in a U.S. city where it seems that a lot of people have kids and they shouldn't. I'd go into details, but there's no way I can accurately describe it in writing. I see a lot of kids whose parents should not have become parents because they clearly cannot provide for their children beyond material goods; that is, they do not teach their children skills to make it through the world. It's very sad for these children because some seem like they would have no real future except to be in a grave or in prison. But the good news is that their future isn't written yet, and so there is still time to help them overcome the disadvantages they had in life and become, as you said, an advantage to society. However, this is rather a different issue from overpopulation/underpopulation, but it certainly is important for society to focus more on giving children better lives and thinking about what they need to succeed so that society can succeed as well.

But because this is the kind of topic that requires a lot more than can be written here, and since this really isn't the place to continue on, I ask that we continue in private message if you'd like. That way, this thread can go on with the original topic.

 

This is the most 69ing I have ever seen on a forum

 

I've been wanting marriage for as long as I can remember.... I think a strong relationship between a man and a woman is a beautiful thing. However, with my current relationship, I don't feel as strongly about marriage they way I used to.