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30 days without PMO so far.. My improvements and doubts

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Huntilt, Jan 11, 2016.

  1. Huntilt

    Huntilt Fapstronaut

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    Hi fellow and happy new year all,

    Its been 30 days i start the nofap challenge (for the second time, i failed my 1st time at 42 days but i use loot of substitution)
    I have tried to be as much serious and rigorous as possible. Of what i remember since :
    - never been intentionnally in a porn site (but unintentionnally saw a naked woman on snapchat from a friend)
    -never MO on purpose (i had 4 /5 wet dreams the 2 first weeks) seems to be slow down now
    - i continue to tinder /happn or saw some profile on Facebook or instagram but i try to slow down
    - lot of my friends talk about sex with their gf. Complicate to avoid the conversation but that didnt gave me urge
    - i talk about my addiction and my ed and the nofap community and challenge to my new therapist i had only one session last week and Will do it every week.
    - i have been quite dispressed last week as i hate my job and want to change and quite but i cant do it now without money behind.
    - start to read lot of article and video about the positive energy, the attraction law, the positivity effect
    - i bought your brain on porn book and read it in 3 days . Amazing book and help me to stay strong i recommand it for only 5 dollars in pdf.
    - i have a girl friend but she dont live in the same city with me so its a kind of long distance relationship. We havent tried to have sex and she is not aware of my ed and addiction


    How I feel :
    - despite my depression last week i feel more happy , more énergic, more sociable and confident. I feel my sense of humor is back again and i have more ambition and objectives i never had,
    - i feel clean, more attractive, i feel i can be a potential boyfriend
    - despite the no sex i like the connection with my new gf but i miss see her touch her kiss her or hug her
    - i work very hard with very long Hours and i am complaining and moaning less . I know that this is my choice of career and Life so i have to assume and i have the energy to take my life between my hand to start a formation and changing this role and this life
    - physiology, my morning woods are almost back every morning
    - my skin is more clean i take care of me and want to take care of me
    - i had a spontaneous erection by kissing a girl in a club (i Wont say its cheating as we are in an early stage of the relation and we havent decided to be serious and exclusive) i Will have this conversation when i see her end of the month )

    My doubts
    - what if my ed wont come be cured. The erection i have are mainly the morning i am 28 only and never been able to have sex. Grow up in fast speed internet and slipped into extrem porn
    - my fetish induced by porn are still in my mind and when i think of it i have huge urge... How long is it take to disappear..
    - i doubt of fucked up everything when it Will be time to try to have sex with my gf . I already messed up 2 relation i was deeply in love and they quit because of my ed . The distance make us less close than a normal relation but i really like her and want things getting great. If she Will left me i think that could demotivate me to continue the nofap challenge as i would consider as lost .
    - i am still fragil about my mood and i still not have the motivation to go to the sport (and not the Time)

    Thank you if you read me until there and sorry for my bad english. What recommandation and tips can you give me about my process my doubts etc..?

    Have a great evening bro
     
    grman likes this.
  2. Barefootdoctor

    Barefootdoctor Fapstronaut

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    Huntilt. Well done thus far. My only recommendation would be to keep to the road. I'm right behind you in terms of days, if it is any comfort for you! :)

    In health, all ways,

    BFD
     
  3. Fighter834

    Fighter834 Fapstronaut

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    Your motivations are in the right place and you sound like you're ready to kick this habit and lead a healthier, happier life. The farther you get away from PMO and the longer you're free from it's grip, the easier this will be and the more benefits you will see. It does take time and can be frustrating and challenging but, if you read "Your Brain on Porn", then you understand that you're rewiring your brain and this is a gradual process so keep at it. Best of luck with the girlfriend situation...try not to let the anxiety of your PIED get in the way (I know this is easier said than done, especially if it's your first time with this girl). But if you can relax and let 'what happens happen' then you'll be much better off. Keep fighting brother ;)
     
  4. Carbon Icon

    Carbon Icon Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations on the 30 days. Sounds like you have a good plan and are making great progress. Also it sounds like your job is a very negative part of your life and you want to find something else. Have you put any thought into what other work you could do and how you will achieve it?
     
  5. YUNoListen

    YUNoListen Fapstronaut

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    The first thing is that you need to keep your end goal in the back of your mind when you get down about the process. Think about the reward you'll have when you pull through this. You've educated yourself in this through research, now put your learnings to use and keep in mind the changes and challenges you've read about.

    It sounds like some of your ED is psychological, from anxiety and lack of confidence. You had an erection from kissing which is a great sign you're heading in the right direction. You were probably relaxed and not concerned about it, which is when it happened. The more pressure you feel to have an erection the less likely it will come. Teach yourself to relax and use techniques to focus on the world around you. Maybe participate in forms of meditation and relaxation to ease the stress of this process and your anxiety. ED is something you will overcome in time. Your dick is working; you just need your brain to speak its lingo.

    Be patient. All things heal with time.

    Keep doing what you're doing but try to keep making small adjustments to keep pushing yourself away from any potential triggers.

    P is deadly. People who watch it may be alive but are not living.
     
  6. ThisGuy!

    ThisGuy! Guest

    Im in the same boat as you brother, 24 yrs old, "technically" a virgin, though i've had many opportunities, and what keeps me going is that I know im an attractive male, with solid people skills. The last few years I gave up trying, and sort of lost interest in trying to date, but this nofap thing has really given me a glimmer of hope. Guys like you and I need to go much longer than 30 days to recover, im expecting it to take atleast a year before im truly back to normal. Tomorrow is my one month, im just glad to hear im not alone in this journey.
     
  7. Huntilt

    Huntilt Fapstronaut

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    Hello brothers,

    Thank you for your message and motivation. I'm glad also to speak with people in the same boat as me even if i won't wish this addiction to my worst enemy.
    Regarding my work this week was better as I tried to adopt a positiv attitude thanks to some TED speak andconference in the self development on internet. And that help to be less hostage from my negative thought and I learnt that complaining and be always in the anger increase the feeling of sadness and being dispress.
    Regarding my ED, of course i tried all the time to not think about it but my anxiety used to come automatically once i was with a girlfriend and i was keep struggling saying in my mind "i have to have an erection, i have to have an erection, i can't have an ED" and this is the worst way to not succeed.

    My questions during this rebooting process are to know if I am with my girlfriend trying to have sex, is it "allow" or a good thing to have an ejaculation and therefore an orgasm or should i have to wait at least a year?

    At the moment after a month, i was feeling very horny this morning, i had a dream of seeing myself downloading and masturbating in a fetish porn video, I haven't got a wet dream but when i woke up all these pictures and video was like i watched a porn video in real... is it a relapse? Why my inconscient tricked with this kind of dream, this morning i was really short to come back to the fetish video which used to turn me on, i have been able to resist but this is the worst trigger i had to be confronted ..
    Thank you and wish you a great end of weekend
     
  8. adam1992

    adam1992 Fapstronaut

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    Great job man!
    Good luck
     
  9. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    You know, the thing with doubts and fear is one and only. They keep us back - get rid of them with patience of course and with knowing you will overcome this. Change your perspection - you will overcome this by your willpower and constant work and once you free, you ll free!! Dont forget that everything starts in your head - so tune up for this "frequency" of being with no doubt and no fear - it fits to your job situation too. I dont say it ll be easy and it ll happen overnight, but YOU CAN DO IT MY FRIEND and I have no doubt!!!

    Keep us updated!!!

    Good luck with your new way of living!!!
     
  10. Barefootdoctor

    Barefootdoctor Fapstronaut

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    Your doubts are normal, and you have to let yourself go through them. The fact that you had very strong temptations but did not give in is an indication that you are growing stronger. It will become easier and easier for you to acknowledge your urges as creations of the mind, nothing more. Your will is stronger than your urges. Urges do not matter, all that matters is your actions. Eventually, over time, your actions will set the new normal, and your brain will become used to this new way of doing things. You are going through the normal ''turbulences'', I think everyone experiences them. You are already a much stronger man than before. As for ''no sex'', well, there is no real set rule, but have you tried to explain your situation to your girlfriend? Most women will be openly in favour of a man who is trying to quit porn, and may prove to be a valuable ally in the quest to give up porn. A year may be a bit long for you two to wait, but compromise is always what makes relationships work. Talk, listen, and be flexible. ''The stiff and unbending is the disciple of death. The gentle and yielding is the disciple of life.''
     
  11. Huntilt

    Huntilt Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your answers all,
    I'm not feeling confident yet to speak about that to my girlfriend are we are together since less than a month and it's a long distance relationship so not sure how she will react. I'm supposed to see her next weekend, and not sure how i will introduce the topic before she doubt something is wrong down there..!

    Recently i'm not sur my reboot is going well. My job is unfortunately unbearable (well mostly my manager) I work 60hours per week i have no time to go to the sport, to meet new people, to learn a new language i wished and i receive any reward from him. Only critics. That put me always in a negative energy, no motivation , no mood .. Its terrible and i can"t quit now as i don't have time to looking for another job and can't being unemployed as i have an expensive rent to pay in fucking paris.... also i have holidays planned in august in california so that help me to going through and after why not quit in september..
    I had 2 sex dreams the 2 last night. The first i was seeing myself having a wetdream by dreaming of a naked woman.. no sense. And I'm not sur if it was a wet dream. Yesterday before sleeping i watched the movie "Love" which is a dramatic movie but with real sexual coit and the movie show everything (it has been forbidden -18) in france. Is it a relapse? It clearly show the main actress doing a blowjob or intercourse as in a porno despite there is a love story... I didnt have any erection watching it and no urge. Maybe flatline is still there. During the night i dreamt of trying to have sex with my girlfriend and I still had an ED... I woke up i was like "fucking hell, i need to report that"

    Thanks ..
     
  12. Barefootdoctor

    Barefootdoctor Fapstronaut

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    I would say you are still in the game. All the reasons you listed about your job and manager circumstances seem like important reasons for you to keep doing what you're doing. The amount of energy and confidence you will get from leaving the porn habit behind are difficult to put into words. Je suis certain que tu seras capable de passer au Travers de cette épreuve. Courage mon ami.
     

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