Living for Wanting Pleasure

I don't think there is anything intrinsically wrong with desiring the opposite sex. It's actually quite natural. It gets replaced with PMO because it's easier than going out and meeting real women.

That being said, I've always known men who were confident with women masturbate less than men who are not. It's a double edged sword. The more we self stimulate to fake images, the lazier we get at it in real life. We start building mental barriers.

Men who can pick up real women don't have the need to masturbate, they don't need to pretend.

So... To answer your question... You need to go out and meet with real live women as often as possible, that way it isn't a fantasy but a reality. You start to see them as real things instead of objects for your dreams.

 

Yeah that's hard because you are still in that sense worshiping sex.... making it into something much greater than it is. And it will set you up for trouble big-time. Because what do you think will happen if you find the love of your life and the great sex is not so great after a few years?
Somehow we seem to be able to mentally get into this state where we exaggerate what sex will do for us... in truth it does nothing for you... it's a surge of pleasure based completely on illusion... in that sense it really has the same function, emotionally, as a good laugh... it would be peculiar to seek out ppl solely based on whether they can make you laugh... likewise it would peculiar to start loving or hating someone based on how they make you laugh... It's just something that happens along the way with a good friend... just like pleasurable sex happens along the way with your mate... it's not an end unto itself.

 

I agree with others who have written before me that in our current mindsets, a lot of us place sex and women on a pedestal, which is not only inaccurate, but the frustration leads to objectification and disrespect towards women (men if you're a girl). But the question that needs to be asked is this: is sex, love and/or intimacy important to you as part of your value system. If you visualise yourself in three months' time, not just ideally and taking your personality into account, are those goals important to you. If they are, then you must do something about it or it will lead to a procrastinating lifestyle that lead to the addiction in the first place. For a lot of us here, sex and dating seems to be important but they do nothing about it because they are 'waiting to get rid of their addictions'. Not following through on life goals is one of the reasons we turn to addiction in the first place. I'm sorry if I am being overly elaborate or if this isn't relevant to you but the message is simple: if the goal in question is important to you, start putting effort and do it now. If it isn't, then don't waste time on it. This is important because fantasies and procrastination are the things that kill most recoveries.

Hope this helps. I think it has helped me writing this!

DS.

 

Or to put it another way: do you really believe this will make you happy?

 

I can't even think like that, I'm having a hard time believing that nice things and hot women aren't just meant for other men to enjoy while watch and slowly die in the shadows. What's keeping me from talking to them? I have no idea.

 

@JackStrident put it really well. We can sit here and think all day about how much we want that relationship and that amazing sex but the truth is, even when we achieve it, reality strikes and it's not everything we hoped it to be.

The best mentality is to remove our expectations about sex. We need to realize that it is not the focus of live. It will help if we occupy ourselves enough with other things that we simply stop thinking about it. And when we do encounter thoughts of it, we can easily push them aside and get back to our main focus.

@DannyCool , you mentioned that you want a different way to channel your Hard Mode desires than just wanting to do it for the sex. The truth is, not doing PMO allows us to live as real men and live out our true potential. It is everything for us. It's not just about sex. It's about living a great and wonderful life as we are meant to. I posted here about the replenishing of androgen receptors by abstaining from sex. This is what allows us to feel testosterone and feel like real men. Without this, with PMO, we are just empty shells of our selves. That's a big motivator for me. I want to see who I can truly become.

Also if we're constantly giving in to our temptations, it wreaks havoc on the area of our brain called the right prefrontal cortex, causing us to lose our ability to control ourselves in general. The resisting of temptations, the doing what is right, it will strengthen this part of our brains and make everything easier over time, so that eventually we're able to do the most difficult things for the greatest rewards (learning new languages, musical instruments, investing time in some work to make money.. etc). That's really something to look forward to!

 

Awesome comments on this thread.

'Living for Wanting Pleasure'. Well, there are different kinds of pleasure right? Like 'lower' and 'higher' ones; the first satisfies our animal nature, and the second satisfies our psychological/ spiritual nature. I experience an all but too temporary buzz with the first, and an on-going and building joy in the second.

Self development, self-determination, and general all round manly awesomeness has to be our priority right? All the other things, woman included, will come as a by product of that.

Go hard!