Is it me or are most of the good women already in relationships?

How long have you been trying to quit @Earl Sweatshirt? I've pmo'd since roughly 2005, but didn't really start to get addicted until 2008, where I had a stretch of doing it multiple times a day from early 2008 until I would say the spring of 2015. During that stretch I was, to basically summarize it, a zombie, who saw the negative in absolutely everything. I barely moved or talked and ballooned up to 220lbs (5'8" by the way). Zero friends. Any interaction with a female led me to stutter and make excuses why I couldn't date them. Anxiety from pmo robbed me of having a real life during those years. But I finally started losing weight, began "dating" (lunch dates that never went anywhere, but gave me a little confidence that I had hope) and started learning about NoFap and how being addicted to pmo explained all of my anxiety issues.

I've been at this since July and just recently have confidently gone over the 10 day mark. Before school just started up, I dabbled in online dating to see if it would help with my confidence by talking to different girls. It helped a little, but it became similar to edging so I had to quit. Also, I ended up getting attached to one who ended up blowing me off which upset me a bit at the time, so I too like yourself thought instead of worrying about girls and stuff I would use this time to focus on myself instead.

Between now and July I've noticed steadily increasing changes, and after reaching around 7 days this time I noticed a drastic increase in confidence. I finally feel now after all these months that quitting pmo is a possibility and I believe that's where the confidence comes from. I still notice anxiety, but now I am learning to lesson it through meditation and deep breathing. Also, every time I've pushed myself out of my boundaries and talked to girls it's increased my confidence and the anxiety slowly goes away, once I get over that initial stage. I feel confidently now about the potential of a relationship, even though I still have a long ways to go in my streak.

Long story short, it's taken me a heck of a long time to get where I am at today, and I 100% attribute it to NoFap and living a positive lifestyle. I know it sucks when you see tons of happy couples, it does give you the feeling of loneliness, but it's us that have to change to correct it. There won't be some girl who magically falls from the sky in our lap, we have to make them want to come to us.

Funny (sad?) story. Before NoFap, fairly recently after failure with about 5 different girls, I finally gave up on girls and told myself that I was cursed, and meant to live alone forever. Now, with a positive mindset, I look back and think, man, had I had a brighter outlook on life I may have had 5 different girlfriends, one who was a 10/10, no joke! I even had one who practically was unzipping me with her eyes, but I was too clouded by pmo to recognize it.

Stay strong and you'll weather this storm!

 

MIRAGES! LIES!
I used to think the very same way when I was single. They are out there. They are doing something they are interested in...Join a club, volunteer work, whatever. You will find girls at placed you never looked. Don't try to date them, try to get to know them. The rest will follow. Also, there is good girls right now being in bad relationship. These girls will be out there later. They might need a little extra attention because some douche did hurt their feelings, self-confidence etc. They are not perfect, but same for you and me...nobody is. My wife was a wounded bird when I found her. I was a sick bird myself!
Now we have a 15 yo birdie together.

 

The general consensus here seems to become the best version of yourself like so many people say. If you concentrate on being an attractive man and having a social life (friends, hobbys etc.) there ought to be some girl that will find you attractive. The more you go out the better your chances are to meet such a girl. With going out I don't necesarilly mean bars or clubs. If that's not what you enjoy there is no real reason to go there. People are most attractive when they do stuff they like. Sports are probably best. Good way to meet people and even if you just meet guys there it's not that bad because maybe you make some guy friends and they want you to join other activities they're doing.
So doing stuff you enjoy, thinking positively, taking care of your looks and having conversations with people should work best for most guys here.
Boldly approaching women might work for some but not for everyone.

And yes I agree. NoFap improves your confidence. The longer you are on NoFap the less stressed and more confident you become. So NoFap should definetly be step number one. The rest comes more naturally because of improved motivation.

 

If you want my standpoint. You're right, they are gone.

Life and intimacy is a ballroom, everybody (barr a few) dances in circles, joins arms, dances some more and then at some point (or not) releases again back onto the floor. If someone sees you, takes a interest and approaches they'll stick their arm out and the dance can begin, at least one or both need to be forward to each other to meet, like a magnet almost or the connection cannot be made.

Problem is, as soon as someone sticks their arm out, its fair game, the eye is a curious thing, as soon as the gesture is made its all engines are go. Someone watching someone else can suddenly flick their attention and interest onto them and intercept.

Don't expect "good women" to flock to you, because every able man/woman will be waiting in the wings with a arm outstreched to swoop them off like a bird onto the floor because you are dancing alone arms folded to your sides waiting for stuff to happen even if you are/are not having fun being that way.

I can't implicate it as your fault directly, but there does lie a fault somewhere along the line, confidence and all that. I know from my own experiences these faults so you wouldn't be totally alone on the matter, in fact there are a lot of lonely dancers in the world, self included.

 

@Harvhe nailed it.
If you get back into this game now, you'll attract people like you, which means depressed and trying to get rid of an addiction.

You should change the way you talk to yourself.
It's very negative, and you should put everything in your life in a more positive way.
Even in your counter in your signature, you write that you "failed your mission".
No, you've been succeeding for 12 days now.
Reframe everything you write and say in a positive way, and start every day with a positive affirmation of who you are.

 

Nah, it all depends on how much effort you are willing to put into seeking out the person who is right for you. Very few people are lucky enough to simply meet the person of their dreams just like that. It takes a lot of thinking, going out, socialising and meeting new people to find that special someone. And chemistry is so important. Put effort into it. It may not happen tomorrow, but it will happen.

Good luck

DS.

 

Improving your self and striving to be the best you can is good.

But I would recommend directly challenging your negative belief.

Your belief is that all the good women are currently in relationships.

Solution: Get out there and meet more women

All you have to do is meet one good woman who is not in a relationship and your negative belief is blown open.

I would definitely recommend doing the cold approach challenge.

Could be the first girl you talk too. Third or one hundredth. But the girl you loose your virginity too and get into your first relationship with is out there right now. You just need to put in the effort to meet her.

 

"need to stay concentrated on PMO"? bro isn't your main motivation to improve your relationship/sex/outlook/etc. with women to begin with? so won't it just inspire you to go further?

I just think people in this community through the baby out the bathwater, you can do both, no need to shoot yourself in the foot.

 

It depends you personally. Some guys have lots of opportunities, some don't. I have had maybe 10 or so chances at being with females in my life (that I know for sure), and maybe 5 of them could've been great, I just had insecurity (PIED didn't help much either) problems and because of that I intentionally screwed myself over. Not saying that I necessarily would've had a better life, my first love wouldn't have accepted me and I'm sure I would've had issues with the others as well, but things could've been much better.

Happiness does not come to those who wait, it comes to those who strive for it, yearn for it, and do whatever it takes for it. You can't simply expect to sit idly by and have it fall into your lap, you must do your part. Not saying that you need anyone else, but if you do want someone then go for it man

 

YES.

I hear so often "love will find you when you aren't looking for it" which is a terrible over simplification. Desperately hunting for love might make it harder to find, but you have to be open to it and take chances. Put yourself out there, explore ways to meet people with common interests. Interact with people. If you feel a little spark of potential with someone, don't just wait to randomly run into them again, try to make plans. Doesn't have to be super serious, just be friendly.

@Earl Sweatshirt you're only 19! Tons of people never have relationships in high school. I didn't. But you're at college age, the time where meeting people should be the easiest in your life. I wasted my early college years, wasn't social enough. The downside is, most girls want a guy that is a little older, but you'll be there soon. In the meantime, you gotta practice mingling. Trust me, it gets harder after 30, but it's not impossible.

I'm also a big fan of www.OKcupid.com

Most of my relationships have been with women I initially met through that site. It's free, the matching algorithms are pretty solid, and you can get a good idea of who is actually single and looking. It's not perfect by any means, but it can't hurt to check it out.

 

In my experience if you're acting too interested in a girl, you've already lost. Especially if it's in adolescence or even college.

At least with getting their attention it's about making them want to prove to you that you're a challenge for them to win with their effort and devotion. They want a real man. One who won't start pushing his own life aside for her until the time comes.

That's how they feel secure around you at least to start with. They got your number and your interest. No givens beyond that. So she feels wanted and not like some prize.

Ever since the day 8 mark of my recovery I've been feeling movement in my brain and it made socializing more natural to me. It's like "How to Interact with Interesting Girls in an Attractive Way" was uploaded into my subconcious. My hypofrontality is going away?

BASICALLY:
Any attempt to woo her is going to get shot down by an anti-ballistic missile.
TOOLS TO USE IN REASONABLE CONTEXT:
• Constructive criticism
• Asking for help
• Playful teasing
• Leaving when things feel good rather than flat (This one is tough)

 

In response to your original post:
I'm 22, virgin as well. So I know how you might feel as a man in this position. But what you say about all the girls being already in relationships is just silly. Women are always going on dates with new people, as they have been for decades. And women are always getting into relationships, as they have been for decades. You might just be discouraged because the women around you seem to all have significant others. That's why we have online dating XD then you will know who is in a relationship and who isn't, so that you don't cry over something that is both outside of your control and also a completely natural cycle in our civilization!

 

I reply to MYSELF with this:
Be natural with a girl that looks/feels interesting. Just do the interaction as you will.