My fractured but whole life ....

@GL Lucid
Thank you ! I made a small list. I am very excited to move in a positive direction .... Depression was turning me into just shell nothing inside of who I really want to be and I wasn't accomplishing anything ....

 

Muscle aches that's what I get when I over do it at the gym and I'm going back for some more torture tonight after work Bf text me hey don't pull that shit again let me know if your not coming home after work .... wow I'm not even going to answer that .... The office was busy today all those cancelled appts. I rescheduled piling through the doors .... skipped lunch because of it will make it up post work out .... I am drinking a lot of water so I'm good to go .... Am I being rude not responding ? I hate this

 

@GL Lucid
Perhaps a wise sage Would put themselves first and go to the gym and work out ! I remember the speech and using Buster Douglas as an example

 

Still here at work blah I may just go home I'm tempted to drink a bottle of wine and just pass out . I will have to figure an alternative plan .

 

I will never accept being second and the tides have changed I'm moving on and I'm not going to drown myself in wine .... I am taking a positive approach .... giving him the space he enjoys and not complaining about it .... I have dreams.... I am intrigued by them also very happy I am planning to make them come true !
I imagine they are stepping stones in front of me step one then two .... I realise coming on here I'm just a tiny lil micro being in this huge universe affected by dysfunction .... We all have problems .... I am here worrying about someone I cannot change or control .... I can refuse the abuse he puts upon me and if he insists on using me as his toy when he chooses to, I don't have to take it ! It really is tempting to want intimacy after being put aside like an unwanted plaything and that's where it could spiral back to where I started .... BF will keep at pmo get bored or something.... I know him he will find me enticing and circle me like prey .... I guess he wants to play with me only when he feels like it

 

@ I will change
You're welcome and please, you can share literature with me that you find inspiring ....

 

@GL Lucid
Wow ! after reading your post I feel powerful like no matter what obstacles find me or get in the way of my happiness I am going to rise past it overcome it and not wallow in it and sink down .... This process is not easy and when I achieve my first dream (not rushing myself into however, not procrastinating , planning ) , I will be greatly rewarded ! Thank you for your encouragement and motivation ♡

 

@seafoam
Hi ! I was just thinking about you when my sweet tooth was saying have a yummy dessert I haven't had a good treat in awhile .... I want peanut butter !
I was off today and I gathered some info about my mom and her parents .... because I would like to attain dual citizenship and perhaps one day move to Italy now this is a Big dream!
I would love to live in Capri ♡ I will settle for dual citizenship for now .... I have my mother's side of the family there .... It makes me kinda happy to go to live where she lived and loved Oh,I can understand and speak, read and write Italian and of course cook lol Mama Mia !

 

I am not feeling well I don't want to snack on the peanut butter or anything for that matter I would love ciggs I quit 2 yrs ago but I'm feeling nervous .... I know I should be strong but I fear for my privacy .... I did not know of revenge porn .... I Googled it and I can't cope with this just the thought he did something like that to me !!!! I may be over reacting .... I knocked on his door and he ignored me .... I am getting angry !