SEXUAL EXTREMES and exposure to porn!

I was thinking that all of us are here for a common goal. There must be a purpose of that. Somehow our stories are related each other. There must be a common ground. I have read so many stories inside here and some of them was shocking, other gets me inspired, make me sensitive by the brutal truth and the courage those who wrote them. Almost all of them has a common characteristic. Why all of us got into this! Why now and why in such a way! I will try to explain my thoughts and how I perceive this through my reality compared with your own wonderful stories of your life. I will not try to offend anyone and any situation that someone got into but instead I will try to share my perspective on these leaving the space for you to discuss any doubt or any different approach on events, deposit your own valuable feelings and your different approach toward life. I will approach this subject from multiple levels in my try to give you my thoughts without wanting to include any religious believes or such personal models which they can repulse you from not reading this text. I will try to write it in a more philosophical-psychological perspective.

I will start with two words that was spinning my mind through this journey. Separation and union. Many times I had the feeling that by preserving my semen I was getting closer to my self, I have the feeling of being in union with me while simultaneously felted stronger the separation state that I was in before. There is a strong need inside of me to unify the separate sense of the self with the higher sense of justice and purpose. To do that I need to be conscious enough to define who I am as a separate being and after that how to orient my personal efforts to cause higher than the self. To make this more understandable, I would like to say that in order for someone to create the define and coping mechanisms that are necessary should be pressured to be out of the comfort zone, to face to live alone and get in touch with the threatening side of life. From these pressures of survival the consciousness is developed allowing the individual to be active. From such development the individual will realise the limitations of the state of separation and by this will emerged the need to align this separate sense of self with a higher meaning.

One should understand that human is under basic natural laws and these laws by itself will produce inevitable limitations. Accepting these personal limitations and understand that as a separate being, one will understand that he is not free in spirit. And here comes the meaning of innocence. Innocence can be traced in the feeling of the absolute freedom and can only be visible in an absolute faith in the justice of life. But this innocence will be lost through our efforts in order to survive. If someone keeps a passive attitude toward life and not react in threatening situations will be the victim of the threat of defeat. That’s why we need specific mechanisms such as assertiveness and defensiveness to survive.

The lack of defined sense of our individuality will lead to the expectation that problems will disappear or be solved either by others or by life, that things will take care of themselves magically. That’s the passive attitude toward life. If someone doesn’t define purposes may become the victim of other people’s motivations and will end up to sacrifice personal resources for other people’s causes. What must be done is the establishment of the appropriate boundaries between ourselves and others in order to maintain and channel our energy in effective ways.

When a problem arises and not be faced, anger is the feeling that arises to makes us realise that we should act and confront the threatening situation, especially when there are situations of injustice. I was victimised in childhood and that was cultivated the feeling of helplessness. I was not of course trained to face such threatened situations as a child. Anger will arise from such behaviour and especially displaced anger later in my life, especially when the reasons that triggered that anger was not so important or strong enough to justify the amount of such anger. Nobody cannot remain anymore anger free when experiencing repeated injustice and psychological abuse. Because of the wild and the untamed nature, because not knowing the boundaries the individual can become either strong or weak but in a way that is not appropriate. We can then notice brutal outburst, excessive exaltation or even disappearance. I can assure you that I did all of them.

This untamed nature is nothing more than the impulse of someone to remain absolutely free. The innocence had lost when someone was pressured to face the world, the threatening situations and in general any life’s problem. By the difficulty to face with the right manner such things the mindset generates fluctuations between passivity and aggressiveness, unshaken confidence, insecurity, intense mood swings etc. Such complexes is the result of lack of guidance during childhood. Usually there is the pressure of being coward, loser but not the appropriate support of the parents to help the child grow in a healthy way. I can recall such memories and I will add the passivity or the absence of the father in my family. The absence of a role model has the same effect. All of these will create problems of course in the self expression which will impact the sexual level.

The loss of innocence will occur when someone will exposed to porn, to sex and ending up polluted in a psychological and in physical level also by catching venereal diseases. The lack of the appropriate guidance can lead to prolonged virginity, undiscriminating and untamed sexual nature that doesn’t know measure or direction. Naive exhbitionism, incest, bestiality, attraction to orgies, pedophilia because of the innocence, sexualising with a stranger are some forms that heard and read from many many stories and all of them has the same ground. Innocence can be expressed through sexual identity in two ways. In one way as a huge distance between sexes like they are totally different species and in other hand as there is no obvious difference between them. In the first type we have the barbie and the macho man and in the second type the attraction to the same sex. In general there are insecurities with the opposite sex.

As anyone start to recognise the failure, loss or the danger, the fear will increase to help him to preserve himself, to preserve his identity. Of course, this is a huge step of start avoiding to get victimised. The person then is aware of his separateness. Fear can very often be oriented toward sexuality as making someone shy, avoid intercourse, frightening the penetration and many many other ways. One might go through a phase of submission to a larger identity like religion to strengthen his immunity. Prayers, rituals or any similar activities are forms of such purpose. And the purpose here is for further control in our existence. These rituals or activities offering the chance to reduce or repulse the negative vibes and the spiritual parasites. There is a strong need for someone to overcome weakness and helplessness. What is wanted from what is not is a huge step in making choices. Joining support groups as this one is an example of that direction. The need of course is the expression of the anger and let it out. I recall a conversation with a member here who let his anger be visible without the reason be so important. It was then a displaced anger which found the way for a release.

By the fear of not preserve identity, someone has the strong need to test himself in face challenges, to prove one’s strength and the ability to overcome apprehensions, to eliminate the feeling of being vulnerable and the memory of humiliation. Be strong again. Don’t you have that feeling? That’s why he feels the compulsion to face danger, to become immune from it and regain of course the divine feeling of being free. Sexually, there is a strong impulse to let go any inhibitions, lose his control and indulge different forms of sexual expressions. We all read so many stories about them inside this forum. The submission is a form of losing this control. There must be a confront with the extremes, like the soul wants to get in touch with the most bestial and primal instincts of sex. I read stories about people wanting to surrender themselves to submission, to urination games and in general to dissolution of boundaries which produces sexual sensations and has a liberating effect.

After such extremes, in order for someone to purify the system, either physically or psychologically will get in a period of abstinence. There is no tolerance for further domination and the need for freedom can be manifested in various forms. Someone can flirt with danger in a need to be bad, to prove that he is strong again, build his body to be more masculine and do the necessary changes to protect his existence in threatening situations. I workout almost everyday and I am not sure if I do that by extra energy that I have or subconsciously to feel more masculine, an alpha male. But for sure, there is a feeling of transcendence. This can be obvious in the need for someone to relate to the other sex as a human being before getting caught in the gender stereotypes. Who didn’t mention that they treat women with more respect without thinking their sex. In this journey the individual will adopt a more dynamic way to approach life and fulfil his dreams. From fear of failing and feel again the disappointment will be more determined to face the confrontations. If his efforts doesn’t give fruits he must understand that some things can be conquered and others not. The lesson is to learn to let go not as an act of defeat but as a act of wisdom. Then the individual will understand that absolute freedom is illusive. It is like searching the lost paradise here on earth, into this physical dimension, which is impossible. The lesson is to focus on what is true even if it involves specific limitations. Limitations are the cause of the appropriate defines mechanisms.

The periods of abstinence will help us to purify the sexual impulse and will realign us with the higher consciousness. As the consciousness evolves will shift accordingly the motivations for the sexual expression allowing us to come closer with deeper levels of love. By this spiritual progress it will be understandable that the reality of separation is only temporary and that all we are one who shares the same energy and share this from one to another. Success, will power and correctness will be the outcome of our acts inspired by our humble dedication to do the right thing with clarity and love.

Please feel free to give your perspective for the reasons that lead you here, to face this challenge and get stronger when this journey will be successful. I am sure that I have been here to find the courage to face the life from a different perspective and get in union with my self through this separation state. And this union will be the outcome of many many years, starting by my childhood, polluted my spirit through sex, porn until I reached the point that I missed the innocence and lost my connection with my higher self. Thank you very much for reading me!

 

@TheFutureMe thank you for taking the time to read my post and share your opinion. The duality was so strong also to me, the distinction between these two states. I always felted so dichotomised. I was trying to understand why porn and sex has such impact on me. The moment that I realised that I was so polluted by this, I found this forum. I don't feel that this was a coincidence. It was just the result of my realisation and my desire to find solutions to my situation. Nofap for me is a calibration tool to realign my self either with my higher self, my path, my spirit, or get back to my previous innocent state.

You know, all of these about innocence and how to found the connection with it, it reminds me when we was inside of our mother's womb, where everything was so unified, connected and one (maybe this could be another explanation for people who proceed in urination games, cross dressing, etc -- a fetus is in a submissive state because its existence depends on the mother -- who knows). We felted safe inside there and felted one with our mother, without limitations, obstacles and inhibitions. By preserving my semen this state becomes stronger day by day. But as I said in my post, there is no way for someone to reach that state ever again. It belongs to the past and it should be stay there. We could face the future without the feeling of helplessness anymore which makes us be or feel like losers. We can be whatever we want. This process of nofap is helping me a lot and I feel grateful that I am achieving this for myself! I am proud of it and that's should be feel everyone who do this. I see already so many positive changes on me!

If I should explain this further (I have the need to be analytical) I would say that abstinence helps my body to calibrate my hormonal state and this calibration has an immediate effect on my psychology (our psychology depends on hormones). This has an impact to be more attractive and sexy. Because we exclude of our life whatever produced this pollution (porn, unnecessary or excessive sex) our brain finds the time to build the appropriate filter (the filters that wasn't build by the lack of training through our parents) and which they helping us to face our life in a more realistic and constructive way (stop being passive --another explanation of procrastination).

So yes, this union is a reachable goal. Trust this journey and live the time to do its job. The rest belongs to your body, your subconscious, which is smarter than our conscious. Have faith and you will be soon not the TheFutureMe but the successful ThePresentMe.

 

I am absolutely sure that many of us will identify this dichotomy, this separate state! @Brasileiro thank you so much for reading and accept that you have common characteristics. You are spot on! Seductive! There is a charismatic, a magnetic layer in the one side which can be soooo seductive when some times can be so powerful!

You don't have to hide this strong side anymore!

 

That's the spirit! Go for it bro!

 

Exactly! The passive attitude which makes us create a chameleon behaviour in order to survive. This was our defense! But in this behaviour we forgot to feel which was our deepest needs and we got victimised by the fulfilment of other's needs. It is the lack of the appropriate filters we talked earlier. I had this behaviour. I was like a magic mirror where everyone could see him/her self through me. I was trying to please others in my attempt to feel acceptable, lovable and give meaning to my life.

However, there is a positive side here. We know now what to do, how to use this charismatic chameleon seductive behaviour and how to be the architects of our lives by hearing and feeling more clearly our deepest needs of our inner self. We have the chance to do that and we will do it!!!